Miss Atomic Bomb
by NovaStars42
Summary: Dimension hopping, nor growing up is for the faint of heart. What happens to The happy couple after they start running from responsibility? What happens when they can't run anymore? !postcannon !postwarDeidara [Set in an AU] [ Deidara X OC] sequel to Bombshell
1. Chapter 1

I shot up, my eyes wide and darting across the room. I sucked in a breathe rapidly, again and again, almost hyperventalating as I tried to react, wait a second, I paused while my chest heaved, I realized I was a dreaming.

"I'm right here," A voice came, I turned my head.  
Deidara, my boyfriend was with me, on the sofa opposite the one I'd fallen asleep on, sculpting some nonexplosive clay and watching television. He ate flavored potato chips by the truck load these days. I lay back silently and watched him, eyes still wide. He shoveled chips into his mouth with his left hand, his right hand on the sculpture, and his eyes locked on me. His mouths on his palms had unfortunately not made the trip with us.  
"He have you again?" came his voice calm and almost soft. I nodded. Ever since my return, I'd been having a horrible reoccurring dream about Madara. About him slitting my throat just like he had done to my friend, the king of the summoning deer. All I could do was struggle and scream, not one ever came to help.  
"These movies are amazing," Deidara commented as the credits rolled. We'd been sitting in my living room for two weeks, watching movie after movie, only really moving to eat a meal, sometimes with my parents, or sleep in my bed.  
"Yeah, I don't like the cheesy ones so much," I replied very dryly. That was evident as I'd clearly fallen asleep during the film. I knew he was just trying to get my mind of it.

"Do you wanna go somewhere tonight yeah?" He asked, another movie was starting and he was again glued to the screen like a three year old. I didn't get it. They had TV back where he came from, I supposed he just never had time to watch it. On the other hand, it was sort of nice though, he'd learned so much in such a short time being here with the aid of the TV.  
"Maybe we should go," I paused to think, taking an extra second to calm down a little more. We'd already been to the movie theater and the mall this week,where else could be fun? "We could just go out to eat and go from there," I decided. He didn't say anything.  
It was almost as surreal as when I'd fallen into the alternate universe. Deidara was still here, he was still my boyfriend, and we were living with my parents. My mom and dad had been completely against it, they didn't want this strange and possibly mentally deranged twenty something year old in their home, much less sharing a room and bed with their still teenage daughter but I insisted, telling them I couldn't bare to be without him, and even then they refused to allow it. We did it anyway without their okay.

I didn't blame them after the story we'd told the authorities. His post ninja war moodiness did not help with his case. They both had mixed emotions about him, my mother hated him, and she'd go out of her way to stay away from him. She hid in her room mostly until my dad came home, and then we'd go upstairs after dinner at her request. My father liked Deidara though, he'd laugh and joke with him even, and they got along really well thankfully.

My mother descended the stairs and without speaking slipped on a pair of sandals and walked out the front door. She was gone long enough to walk to the end of the drive, get the mail and walk back.  
"You got your GED, uh, Deidara," she said flipping through mail. I hated how my mom pronounced his name. No matter how many times I corrected her she still pronounced it wrong. She threw the manilla envelope on the coffee table in front of him and continued with her own mail.  
"Thanks Karen," he said picking it up. She couldn't even stand him enough to hand it to him. I was thankful he ignored all of her mean spirited remarks and actions.  
"I'm proud of you," I beamed, getting up and moving to sit next to him as he opened it. We never told anyone he got all his smarts from the ninja academy. He'd picked up English extremely quickly in addition to what he was learning on the television and his skills in math and science boosted his final test grade. He returned the smile and pulled out the certificate. He held it in his left hand which was now chip crumb free, which he had whipped on his pants, and wrapped his right hand around me and pulled me close.

"Now you can go to collage," My mom stated from the kitchen where she was leaning over the table writing a check. I wasn't sure who she directed that at. I refused to sign up when I returned because Deidara couldn't go with me. Deidara couldn't go because he didn't have a diploma.

"Yeah," I shot back. She wasn't about to take that tone with me, "Yeah we can," I put an extra emphasis on we.

"I don't know how you think were going to put him though collage," she said, standing up straight and walking to the stove. I sighed.

"I don't know, its not like my dad is a doctor or anything, and you know, its not like he can apply for federal aid or get a grant or something," I replied, just to see how far I could push her before she got angry.

She turned and gave me a look and was about to open her mouth when I heard front door open. My eye went to the clock, five meant my dad was home. I could hear nails clicking against our hard wood floors, our German Shepard, ironically named Shep, was the first to great my dad.

"Hello family!" My dads voice chimed. I scooted away from Deidara a little, but left his arm around my middle.

"Hi dad!" I smiled as his bearded face came around the corner from the entryway. He crossed the floor, Shep on his heels, jumping and barking all the way until a hand on his head quieted him. He reached the kitchen after giving our dog some attention and wrapped his arms around my mother, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Lets go," I said to Deidara, looking away from them and getting up off the couch and stretching a bit. I felt like I'd been sitting in this living room for days, oh wait, I had been.

"Go get ready, I gotta have a talk with junior here," I turned to see my dad walking towards us. He didn't look angry, I looked to Deidara who didn't seem worried.

"Go ahead," my dad assured with a smile, "I'm not gonna beat him up," I was sort of hesitant to leave, but turned and walked away anyway.

I ascended the stairs and opened the door to my bedroom, the one Deidara and I currently shared. Cloths were thrown across the floor, a layered mess of dark cloth, jeans and t-shirts, blouses and socks. Dumb knickknacks, ones I'd bought and ones he'd made lay on every flat surface. It looked very lived in, everything of his mixed with mine. It was disorganized, mostly dirty, and perfect, all at the same time.

I dressed quickly, pulling on a deep purple scarf on and throwing on a little make up for good measure. When I came back down, Deidara had my coat in his hand, and his own on. I was a little taken back, Deidara hadn't ever done anything like this for me before, maybe they had done something strange. I didn't say anything, just took my coat and grabbed my car keys from the pocket.

I drove my dads old car, and by old, I mean only a few years old. Being a doctor, if he wanted a new car he got one. It was black on the outside, and silverish leather lined the inside. I didn't know the make or model, I didn't much care. I pulled from our driveway before Deidara was even buckled in.

"You seem off un," he stated, his tone sounding . That was the only thing I hated about relationships. You never let anything that was bothering you go, at least we didn't.

"Yeah, I don't know, I'm just sort of," I paused, using a highway ramp as an excuse to think, "I'm sick of everything," I concluded. He knew that though. I'd known him for about a week when I told him that. I had liked his world better, and I had wanted to stay, but I was too caught up in the moment of the world ending to think. It was easier just to bring Deidara with me.

"Your dad gave me a hundred dollar bill," Deidara said ,shifting and pulling a crisp green bill from his pocket. I looked over for a moment, and then back to the road.

"No way," I said, a bit astonished. It wasn't like him to give out money like that. He usually gave just enough cash to go do whatever we wanted to do and gas to get there, too much money was an excuse to keep us out all night. Being a typical dad he wanted his daughter home early.

"He said to take you somewhere nice," He reached his arm over to lay the money on my lap. I could hear the smirk in his voice, "Lets go get booze,"

As tempting as that was, I needed to drive us home.

"Ain't you gonna buy me dinner first?" I asked, using my best stuck up, nagging girlfriend voice. It always made him smile.

"Sure,"

I smirked and glanced over at him, just 'sure' huh? I got an idea to take us to the most unhealthy restaurant in town, and quickly got over in the right hand lane to get on the off ramp. The quick reduction in speed had Deidara clutching the arm rest on the door. He still wasn't really used to cars, it wasn't the speed that bothered him, it was more the fact he couldn't control his own movement.

I made several turns after getting off the highway, finally pulling into a local restaurant chain called 'fry 'ems,' which sold of all kinds of fried food in small quantities so a person could order lots. Seating ourselves in the middle of the restaurant, a waiter was soon with us.

"One order of onion rings, two orders of mozzarella sticks, a plate of chicken, uh, french frys, uh, an onion blossom too maybe, and uh, maybe a plate of oreos?" I asked, the waiter just nodded. He actually looked a bit impressed, yes, the portions were small, but not that small. That was a lot of food for two people! He was gone in an instant. I stirred my drink with my straw.

"Do you miss home?" I asked a bit absentmindedly.

"Not really hm," I didn't figure so. He could finally relax, no longer being a wanted criminal. I missed his home. I missed the care free, nomadic life, however hard and dangerous it might have been. I missed Aki. I probably wouldn't see him again, ever. That disturbed me, almost as much as pushing that homeless man though the portal so Deidara could stay. I had to think fast at that point, it was either that or the world explode. I didn't know if that man had family, I didn't know if he was caring for another person, or anything about him, just selfishly pushed him.

Yes it closed the portal, yes it saved the world, yes Deidara was still here, but it ate at me. Was the selfish sacrifice I made for me or for the world? It stopped the world ending but only because I caused it. I tried to get myself to believe that he was doing better in that world. He could have a fresh start, possibly a better life, or he could have also been crushed in the falling building.

"What cha thinken' about un?" Deidara's voice snapped me back to he real world.

"Nothing, uh, the usual, how do you deal with.." I trailed off, he hadn't gone though exactly the same thing I had, however he'd seen death, he'd killed in fact, and he never acted like it bothered him.

"I just don't think about it," he said simply, and pulled out a pen and flipped his napkin over. He was going to try to distract me again, "Look at this, do you have a pen?"

I shook my head and looked around. A pen had been left on top of a bill folder that people placed their credit cards and money into to pay. I got up and grabbed it.

"Alright so, I always thought your name was Mei, M-E-I," he drawlled, spelling the letters and writing them in the english alphabet, and then wrote them again in his lettering, the curvy other world language, Japanese maybe, I wasn't sure if it was different.

"But your name is really May, M-A-Y," he said a bit faster this time, again writing my name in english and then Japanese, "but May, M-A-Y, isn't part of our language, its english, but you can use the month's name, Satsuki, which you can use as a given name too. Isn't that cool?" He explained as he write Satsuki in english for me. He then pushed it over to me so I could have a look.

"Yeah," I agreed, looking it over. That was so long and complicated, I couldn't help but stare at the napkin and try and make sense of it all. What a wonderful distraction. I let the name 'Satsuki' ghost over my lips. What a beautiful name.

"Don't you think its funny that we speak the same language but couldn't read each others writing?" I asked, pushing the napkin back to him as the food came. He nodded and waited until the staff left before responding with,

"Alternate universes, am I right?" as he got an extra plate they'd brought and started picking food off of the larger plates. I smiled and did the same. The rest of dinner was spent relatively silent. Three plates later, I was feeling a bit sorry I'd done eaten so much. Deidara gave them the hundred and they brought back change and boxes.

We were back in the car in no time, speeding off to the corner party store. Deidara had a state identification that came with his package of important things from the government and with it, being of legal age, he could buy us as much coconut rum as we had money for. He did just that, returning with a large bag full of gummy bears, two medium sized bottles of rum and a two litter of cherry cola. It was only seven thirty when we headed home.

Deidara was the first in the house, taking our bag of party favors upstairs, while I stayed down stairs and talked with my parents, gave my dad back his money and just ran general diversion. After putting away the restaurant food , I left for my room with a DVD.

Deidara already had our drinks ready, and putting in the movie, I lay back on the bed with him. I took my first drink, still feeling a bit bloated from the food, and sighed. The lamp on the other side of the room was broken, giving the room a romantic sort of lighting. It was quiet, very quiet for a long time. The cheesy movie had just started to get good.

"What are you thinking about un?" He asked, I could hear the straw sipping up the last of the liquid in the cup, and he got up momentarily to pour himself another, using far more rum than cola.

"Not a lot, you?" I responded, leaning back further into the pillows of my two person bed.

"I dunno, its just been one hell of a life, you know?" he drawled, coming back to lay with me. He gently wrapped his arm around my middle and kissed my cheek. He smelled like rum and as I moved my head to look him in the eyes, I found he tasted like rum as well as he gently kissed my lips. His lips worked against mine, my hands meet his jawline on either side of his head as he snaked his arms further around me to pull me closer. Where his drink had gone I didn't know but mine was tipping with the angle until finally the cup bent and the mixed drink spilled all down the front of me.

"Shit," I swore as he pulled away from my mouth, a sly smirked played across his lips. He'd planned it that way all along. He helped me pull the material over my head and nearly crushed me against the bed as he dove back in for more kisses.


	2. Chapter 2

My eyes flicked open and I had the sudden urge to get myself a drink. Getting up, I couldn't remember where I'd fallen asleep, but this certainly wasn't my room. I didn't stand around and think about it long, my throat was literally burning from thirst. I made haste in opening the door and walking down the strange hallway to find a bathroom. This place was filled with door after door, each opened to only reveal a large king sized bed with purple sheets.

Finally I came to a well lit bathroom, a toilet faced me and a sink was on my left. I turned grabbed a purple cup that sat on the back of the toilet and quickly ran cold water into it. I brought it to my lips and greedily drank. The burn in my throat cooled, a nice warm feeling washed over me, well mostly down my front. Bringing the cup down, my eyes meet the mirror and I found it was not just a feeling of warmth, but my own hot blood was coating the front of me. My neck was bleeding, my throat was slit ear to ear and I was bleeding, down in long tendrils. Suddenly water burst from the wound, only diluting the thick blood as it washed further down my body.

In the mirror behind me then, I noticed a pair of eyes, red with spinning tomes, I did the only thing I could think to do, scream.

Terror gripped me as my eyes flashed open, I was still screaming. Adrenaline rushed though my veins and my brain was literally too numb to think to stop. A pair of pale arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a sitting position and I realized Deidara was pulling me to his chest. Fear again wracked me as I let out yet another scream, I couldn't stop myself.

"Stop it May! Its okay, I've got you, your safe!" He slowly rocked me as he squeezed my frame. My wide eyes watched the door fly open, light flooded the room, my father standing there with my mother behind him.

"He had me, oh my god, he had me, oh my god," I repeated over and over, the words spilling out of my mouth. My body started to shake wildly, Deidara only squeezed harder.

"No he didn't May, I've been here the entire time and he never had you hm, its okay, calm down," my boyfriend soothed.

"Sweet heart, I'm here," my dad crossed the room and sat near me on the edge of the bed. Deidara pulled the blanket up to cover my still exposed chest. He'd probably be hearing abut that tomorrow. I was still wide eyed and gasping for air when finally I regained myself. As the oxygen got to my brain, I felt sort of light headed, what had I just been doing?

"Better now un?" he asked very softly, nuzzling me. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Yes," I croaked, my throat a bit sore from the shrieking. I thought I heard him whisper 'good' but I couldn't be sure.

"Sam, come on, I think she's okay," My mother called from the doorway, using a very soft voice. My dad gave me a concerned look and got up. He kissed the top of my head before he left. Deidara never let go of me, not for several more minutes when finally I thought I could move. The terror had worked its way out of my system. I wiggled out of his arms and turned on a nearby lamp.

"That was so.."I trailed off. So many words rushed to my lips, scary, terrifying, horrendous, real, but I did not speak any of them. Dei held on to my hand. As I looked back at him, I noticed the bags under his eyes.

"Have you been up all night?" I asked, touching his face lightly with my free hand.

"Yeah," he smiled weekly. That was all, yeah.

"Why?" I asked simply.

" I can't sleep," he responded in the same way. That was clear. I figured he must have been used to sleeping with one eye open, but I wondered now in the sort of relaxed feel of my world how he was fairing. I'd never noticed until now that he never slept well.

"Is it like insomnia?" I asked, pausing before the I word came out of my mouth like bad news.

"Its not like I don't sleep at all, just not always so well," He explained. I hugged him and then pulled him back down to the bed so we faced each other laying on our sides.

"Lets stay up all night," I suggested. At this point I was so awake and so uninterested in going back to sleep, it sounded like a plan. He was up for a moment, grabbing the rum from under the bed and sat back down, leaning on the headboard. I joined him and we took turns taking long swigs off of the bottle. I loved the way rum tasted. I refused to touch anything else. It was almost sweet in the way it bit back at you when you swallowed.

"Dei, do you ever think about," I paused to take a swig, "That guy," I passed him the bottle, feeling more than little buzzed now.

"No, and you probably shouldn't either," he responded after swallowing his drink and thinking for a moment. I shouldn't think about it. I shouldn't let it bother me, but sometimes it plagued my mind like nothing else.

What I didn't know then is that Deidara lied to me far more often than he told the truth, he did sort of miss home, and he did think about that homeless man sometimes, though his thoughts were much more concerned with keeping the facade up and memories from wartime. Sure, he loved to bomb and kill people, but you can only see so many dead bodies and feel warm blood spill on your hands so many times.

We continued to chat idly about simple, stupid things until my mother rousted us around nine. She came into the room, opened my shade and left commanding us to get up as she left the room and the door open. The empty rum bottle had found its way under the pillows somehow and a shirt found its way over my bare chest, so we avoided a lecture there. Who cared if the sun was warm, I had a head ache and a hangover.

"Dei," I groaned, moving my head from his chest.

"Hmm?" he responded in much the same tone.

"That wasn't such a good idea," I comments, frowning and getting up to grab a jacket. I knew if I had to get up I wasn't going to be warm for so much longer. Fall was upon us. The leaves would begin to change and my birthday was just around the corner. I mused on eighteen as Deidara got up, bringing the blanket with him.

We made our way silently down the stairs and seated ourselves at the dinning room table. My father was reading the paper across from me, Deidara to my left on the same side. My mom came from the kitchen after a few moment with a plan and passed out simple omelets out on starched white plates that were already set out. She sat down next to my dad.

Cooking is what my mother did best. Everything was quick but extravagant, reminiscent of her collage years where she went to become a chef before marrying my father. She was a home maker now. Hash browns joined the omelets on the plate.

"Thanks mom," I said sort of flatly as she finally sat down. I wasn't sure how long she'd been awake for to make this, but I didn't . She didn't answer, we all just sort of dig in.

"So, May," my mother started half way though the meal. I looked up, of course she was going to start into an argument already this morning, "Have you been thinking about what your gonna sign up for collage for? Maybe just your basics at the community collage, you don't have to go off to a university right away,"

I narrowed my eyes at her. I supposed with Deidara's papers finally here, it was time to start thinking about it, but truth be told, I didn't want to. I didn't want to go to collage and that was a simple fact.

"May what in the world is wrong with you? Why all of a sudden you don't care whats gong on, you don't care about your future?" My mother accused, "Ever since he started hanging around, your absorbed into all of his shit? Ever since you got back, you've become a different person!"

I was about to turn around and snap at her, but there was no need.

"You know what Karen," Deidara started, a fire behind his grey irises, "I can't understand why you have such a problem with me. We've been though more in three weeks than you have in three months. We saved each others lives and all you can think about is how she changed? Can't you understand what happened to your daughter?"

Mom mother looked flabbergasted, but Deidara continued to tear into her, his voice getting louder and his tone angrier.

"You can't push her so hard!"

"Don't you talk to me like that! You live in my house!" My mother cut him off, but stopped as Deidara beat his hand down on the table.

"Don't you talk to me like a nuisance!" Suddenly the table was flying over, plates clattered and shattered, the left over food splattering on the floor and a broken table leg lay about four feet away from the mess. Deidara stood a shaking wreck over it all. We all stood frozen, he was ridged, it was as if I was watching this all happen from third person. The four of us still in our spots, three of us still sitting down. Deidara's muscles tensed and then relaxed as he took a single deep breathe.

"You useless rat, I bet your mother was a whore and you made up all that shit you told to the cops, my god, this is a civil house hold," My mother continued. I cringed, she shouldn't have done that. I averted my eyes, litterally covering my eyes, but I didn't hear anything for a long time and then I heard another crash. I looked up then, and around the room only to find the blond bomber with his fist though a window. Considering his super ninja strength, he had no problem busting it into a million peaces.

My mother stormed off and Deidara mocked her, shortly after she was out of our sight walking out the front door and slamming it behind him. My mother climbed the stairs and I didn't hear another thing.

"You've got to tell her to leave him alone!" I insisted, "Dei is helping me so much, and she treats him like trash! Its not his fault I-" my father held up his hand to silence me.

"I'll talk to your mother, but you should have a talk with him too...Tell him i'll be out in a minute to see about his hand," My father said collecting the broken table leg and then throwing it on the pile with a shrug. He climbed the stairs shortly after, I assume to comfort my mother. I went to look for Deidara.

It wasn't hard. The blonde haired ex con was sitting on the front steps, a void look on his face. He was sort of hunched over, watching the cars pass by. I sat down next to him. I didn't say anything and I didn't touch him. I just let us be.

"I didn't used to be like this," he said after a few minutes, "before I left the village, I guess I used to be normal, it was all about my art, they didn't appreciate it at all there, my mother didn't understand, the Akasuki didn't appreciate it either, and after I...you know, I didn't matter anymore."

I reached over and put my hand on his knee. We made eye contact, and I think that was all the encouragement he needed, because he continued talking.

"Like I said, nothing mattered anymore, except surviving. And then you came, and everything changed. I feel so much, I was taught not to feel, and now, now, my head is a mess."

I tried to evaluate what he was telling me. The only thing in his life worth meaning had been lost, and I assumed he felt sort of numb until I showed up to confuse him. I brought him to this new work. I didn't know it yet but any stability he had regained from his younger years was leaving him again.

"Lets go for a ride," I suggested, but he just shook his head no. We sat for a while longer until my father came out with some rubbing alcohol, tweezers, and a few packs of gauze. When your dads a doctor, it comes with more props than money. Deidara didn't flinch as my dad worked. Because of his tolerance, it only lasted a few minutes.

"Tomorrow I want you guys to go down to the collage and sign up," My father instructed, and left us. I didn't see either of them the rest of the night as I helped Deidara clean up the glass and what was left of our table. I figured out a way to keep it standing with a hot glue gun, but it wouldn't support any weight.

I went to bed that night and had my nightmares, as usual, Deidara didn't sleep, as usual, and our lives continued. It was our normal.

* * *

Sorry about the long wait you guys, I' m graduating in less than nine days and I'm a little jittery and busy. Sorry if this isn't all up to par.


	3. Chapter 3

Deidara and I were out the door the next morning before my mother had even began to think about getting up. It was still dark when we arrived at a fast food joint for breakfast. Much to our disdain they hadn't began serving breakfast yet, so we settled for a large fry and a couple of small hamburgers. We did manage, however, to get ourselves some orange juice as I took us down to the community collage.

Orientation was a bore, and the placement testing literally made me want to rip my hair out. My entire trip was trying to decide if I wanted to take on the hard classes, or wanting to get myself placed lower, and have an easier time, but waste more money that Dei probably needed to get himself though. I knew for sure no matter how smart he was in the other world, he was probably still below average here. Finally finished, I threw down my pencil, I tried my best to just answer the way an 'average' person would.

We were waiting even longer at the collage that day to see what the score was, and then finally, after spending all day, We were given out schedules. I bawked to see I had not a single class with Deidara. We were lucky, yes, to have all our classes on the same days, but for not a single hour would we be in the same room. I asked for a change, but was denied. That wasted another hour. I wasn't so much mad, just frustrated. Very Frustrated.

I'd left Deidara sitting in a lobby of sorts, but when I returned he was looking very nervous and standing next to a large window. I wondered if he'd had a flash back or something else traumatic happened, but when I came to him he only shushed me. I asked again, I wasn't in the mood to be hushed.

"He's Sasori," Deidara spoke softly as the red head I noticed in front of us stared foreword. A mellow expression harbored on his face, his chocolate eyes looked almost cloudy with boredom because of the shear dullness of this place. I smirked a little, he probably felt like I did. I didn't know how long Dei had been freaking out or how long his red haired stranger had been here, or even if he spoke to him, But I thought maybe I should keep them away from each other.  
"What do you mean?" I finally asked in a whisper, he simply set his jaw. It took him until class was over and we were in the car to come up with an answer.  
"He's Sasori's spitting image un," he spoke, using large hand motions as he almost yelled over the barely audible radio. His hands fell to his lap with a slap and he sighed. Pushing his bangs further to the side of his face, he brought his hand up to support his chin as he leaned on the door. Deidara had never mentioned much about the Akatsuki. He never mentioned much about his past unless specifically asked and even then he gave the bare minimum. I did know though, Sasori was the poison master and puppet man that was Deidara partner before Tobi. I also knew Sasori was long gone.  
"Deidara, I don't… Think that's possible, the portal closed and isn't he… You know, dead?" I pointed out but instead of reasoning with me, it just set him off.  
"Do you think I don't fucking know that? It doesn't matter what happened there though, he's here, do you not have eyes? Did you not see him?" His voice got louder and angrier as he spoke.  
"Why are you yelling at me?" I asked sort of meekly, afraid he would continue. As I stopped at a red light, I looked over at him. I wasn't sure what my face looked like, but it got a reaction from him. The anger seemed to melt away. He looked down, and I looked back to the road as I stepped on the gas. Dei was getting worse, emotionally. Set on edge about everything and I couldn't help think it was to do with me. It was me after all he was protecting for such a long time, me after all that was kidnapped. I wondered if he too was experiencing culture shock just like I had in his world. He seemed to be settling in perfectly.

When we arrived home, it wasn't much better.

A man was sitting on our sofa when we walked though the door, my father sitting in a chair on his right, and he urged us to sit down across from this stranger. My mother was nowhere to be found.

"May, this is Doctor Kentsworth, I work with him at the hospital and I asked him to come visit today," My father motioned for us to sit down. Deidara like the soldier he was sat down without argument, but I was sort of weary. He was strange to me and not once had my father ever brought a friend over to our house.

"Come on," My father urged, and finally I sat down, taking Deidara had up in mine as Dr. Kenstworth began to speak. He was a kindly looking old man, black hair that was more salt than pepper, with a beard to match. He was a fat man, dressed in slacks but a relaxed looking polo shirt, like was was a work or something, just without the white lab coat.

"I just came to ask you both some questions, I'm a psychologist," Kensworth explained, "It seems you two have been thought quite an ordeal and I'd like to use it for my reaserch, its purely confidential. Care to tell me about it? I'm going to ask quite a few very privet questions," As a couple, we did not answer. I didn't want him prying at our cover up, but it was too late.

"I see, well, Deidara," dr. Kentsworth said very quicly as he wrote something down. He said his name a little funny, but it wasn't as bad as my mom, "did you ever witness your father rape your mother?"  
I could believe he'd just asked that! My eyes were wide, and I was abut to tell him not to answer but Deidara made eye contact with me just as I opened my mouth and I took that as he wanted to answer. I saw what this was about now. My dad told Kentsworth everything. My dad thought there was something mentally wrong with him if not me too and that alone made me want to get up and scream, but that would not help the case.

Clearing his throat, his voice shook as he responded. I could tell this was more than a lie now. Deidara was not goin to treat this as a lie, he was taking from his own life now.  
"Not.. Not exactly but, we weren't unhappy when he went away hm," he was being vague, and I was surprised the doctor didn't make him elaborate.  
"And did you ever happen to see him physically… Abuse her or cause extensive harm to her?" He asked not looking up from his note pad.  
"I saw blood, a lot of blood, very often, if that's what your asking," Deidara's eyes darted around the room and he looked more than bothered. I took his hand, clasping it in my two, only to find it cold and clammy. This distressed me too. I hated seeing him like this. I hated that I didn't know the truth, his truth.  
Suddenly he tensed up, freezing and then relaxed again. I wondered if he was having flash backs.  
"Well, if you don't mind now I'd like to ask May a few questions," Dr. Kentsworth motioned for my father to leave the room, I was puzzled for a moment, but I supposed that whatever he thought happened at my kidnappers house was too much, when the truth was I was with Deidara. "May, I've come to understand you were in his mothers situation for some time. I'm going to be quite blunt with this, were you ever raped?"  
I took a moment before shaking my head no. He wrote something else down.  
"But you were also hurt physically?" I followed his gaze to the scar on my arm.  
"Yes,"  
"And are you still afraid he might come back?"  
This wasn't about a story anymore, this was about Madara. I shook my head yes and that was the truth. I was deathly afraid Madara would return. He rose a few moments later after writing something down. Has asked one more question, if the both of us slept alright,which Dei answered for us, a simple no. Dr. Kentsworth said good bye to my father and they talked a few minutes. I never saw him again but two large bottles of prescription medicine appeared on the table the next morning.  
"What's this?" I asked stupidly. Dr kentsworth was a psychologist and clearly this is our anti-psychotic medicine. There was no research at all. My dad left the room quickly and my mother said nothing. I looked to Deidara who was starting down the pill bottle like a rattlesnake. My eyebrows furrowed in anger, I could feel my stomach twist out in knots of infuriating frustration.  
My hand gripped his arm and I yanked him to the bathroom, the bathroom upstairs next to our room, pills still in hand and impatient of the time it took to get there. I tore open the childproof lock and began dumping the pills on my hand.  
"What are you doing un?" He asked, his eyes sort of bewildered.  
"what's it look like I'm doing? I'm flushing these. This is nonsensical bullshit, I'm not taking them, we're not sick. we don't need medicine," I insisted but as I went to throw the pills into the toilet, his larger hand griped mine.  
"I think you should keep them hm," he said quietly, "besides, if you flush them all now wont your parents know you aren't taking them?"  
He had a point. Reluctantly I slowly pushed the pills back in the bottle resealed the cap. He left me then to go who knows where, and I had time to myself. Sitting down on our bathtub, I got thinking.

I was angry with myself. I'd been roped into Kenstworth's talk, I didn't stick to the story, I let myself drift back to a scared little kidnapped girl, and now I was 'sick.' If I could have just kept up the charade, if I could have lied better. Sighed my thoughts moved back to Deidara. I was sure he wasn't not just talking about his time as a ninja when he spoke of blood earlier when the doctor asked. That would help explain why Deidara's mother was so jumpy around the blonde bomber, it wasn't just she feared her son, she feared men. Again my thoughts drifted, this time, to my friends.

Jenny the swimmer came to mind right away, Jenny who helped me meet Deidara, Jenny who had been calling since I'd returned home but I never bothered to even touch a phone. I decided to call her. I rose then, and picked up a phone off of the table in our upstairs hallway before walking to my bedroom and throwing myself on the messy bed. For minutes I couldn't bring myself to dial the number. When I finally did I was so afraid I almost hung up. What if I was different? What if she was afraid to talk to me now after my 'ordeal' and was just calling to be friendly.

"Hello? May?" I heard jenny's hopeful voice on the other end. I wanted to respond but I choked on my words, literally choking into the phone.

"May are you ok?"

"Yes," I said still coughing a bit, but when I heard her sequel on the other end, my fears were gone. She still liked me.

"I'm so glad its you! I saw you on the caller ID in my phone so, I got really excited!" she said exuberantly, I could hear someone talking in the background behind her, "May is it okay if I put you on speaker? Jake is here too."

"Yeah.." I railed off, I wasn't counting on anyone else being there. Jake had been there the day I disappeared and he was my friend too but I felt sort of nervous again. I could hear the phone click and Jenny asked if I could hear her. I answered the same way I had previously.

"I'm so glad to hear your feeling better! I was so worried you weren't going to ever see us again,"

"Yeah, I'm here," I retorted very plainly.

"One thing I don't understand though, is how he got you from under the water, you know," Jenny began, and I could hear my breathing hitch, I couln't talk about this to her, she'd blow our cover!

"Oh did I go too far?" I heard her ask, pulling me away from my mini freak out.

"Yes," was that the only thing I could say?

"I'm sorry," She apologized, and tried to continue speaking but I cut her off.

"Listen Jen, I have to go okay? I'll talk to you later," and promptly hung up the phone.

I wanted to die. I wanted to crawl up in a ball and sob until I starved to death. When had I lost the ability to function is society? When did I loose the ability to speak to someone I once called my best friend? Could I even still call her my friend after the way I had just treated her?

My boyfriend came to bed much later, hours even and I still hadn't moved. I pretend to be asleep, and so did he. We both just lay awake until He got up to get his sleeping pills, which appeared after the anti-psychotic from nowhere it seemed, and eventually feel asleep. It was my turn to stay awake, or else face endless nightmares.

I wasn't going to take that medicine. Even if it killed me.


	4. Chapter 4

My new few days were filled with sleeping on and off for short periods of time and attending collage for the fall semester. I had barely caught the deadline for sign ups, so of course I got all the crappy classes no one wanted or the ones at crazy early hours. I above all, enjoyed my painting class no matter how dead tired I was. Dei and I mostly had quiet time when we were together, or worked on homework. Truthfully college was kicking my ass harder than any ninja ever could.

On our first day of the painting class, The class was handed a canvas, one for each of us, three feet by four feet, and were told that this would be our final exam and the only canvas we would be getting for free. The professor told us that a speech would be given at the end of the class and explained what we painted on it and why, easy enough. It was certainly a shit ton of space to cover, but it could be done. The problem though, was what I was going to paint. I thought about a tree, and then maybe a city street, but that all seemed to general. There was a trick behind this I could tell, but what that trick was I had no idea.

Deidara's worst enemy was english. Sure he spoke fluently, but he was still writing his name in Japanese charters and he couldn't write a paper for shit. I tried to teach him but ended up writing most of his essays while he dictated. He'd be in trouble for the exam, because my writing sounded nothing like his and the professors were plagiarism hounds.

"I think I know what I want to be," He said I the middle of a sentence. I immediately stopped typing as that didn't really sound like part of the persuasive essay we were writing, and looked back at him. He was cross legged on the bed, I sat on his lap with the laptop in front of me on the mattress.

"And whats that?" I asked. I cared only because these were his wishes. I didn't approve of my mother and the college shoving him into picking something good.

"I want to be a pyrotechnician," He smiled.

Of course he did. Of course because that's what he loved to do, blow things up. I thought for a moment before I responded. I didn't worry about his safety, blowing shit to smithereens is what he'd been doing best since he was a kid. Best of all, that didn't sound like anything my parents tried to impose on him.

"I thought you said that your art.." I trailed off not wanting to push any buttons.

"I want to try again. I have a new muse," He nuzzled my neck with his nose and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not going to type any faster just because your being cute," I smirked and huffed, "But I do think stable jobs are sexy. Holy shit that's so kinky." I finished with a sarcastic tone. I felt his chest rumble with a small laugh.

The bags under my eyes grew darker as the days dragged on and ran together until finally I was reduced to laying sick on the sofa on a Friday night. Friday was usually date night, but Deidara was no where to be found. I figured he either didn't want to push me or didn't want to go out, and either one of those would have been fine with me. My vision blurred as my mother came into the room, I could barely make out a pill bottle.

"May, whats this?" She asked, putting one hand on her hip and using the other to hold out the bottle. I shrugged. Her scowl deepened. I head more foot steps but didn't turn to look. These steps scuffed as they picked up and my dad was the only one in the house that scuffed his feet.

"You know damn well what this is, why aren't you taking them?" she demanded, but I again shrugged.

"May this is ridicules!" she shouted, "Ridicules! You know I've let you go long enough, and I've had it!" she looked behind me at my dad and sighed. I was truly exhausted and I wasn't in the mood to fight. I made up my mind right here no matter what happened I wasn't going to argue with her. My dad must have said something or motioned or something because my mother relaxed visibly and sat down next to me. Patting my knee and smiled and I was sort of afraid then, something was up.

"May," she spoke softly, "May, you've got to take these okay? I know collage is tough and its tougher if you don't get any sleep. I can't understand why you don't want these? Its just for a little while," she explained. Acute Anxiety only lasted for a short period, and as far as I was concerned I could last the time on my own.

"Because I'm not crazy," I mocked her scowl from earlier and she sighed again.

"We know your not, we aren't saying your crazy, look, Deidara can't stay here anymore if you don't start taking your medicine," she sad firmly, her tone becoming harsher as she continued, "Your dad and I have frankly had enough of him, and this is the ultimatum."

She left the pill bottle on the coffee table and got me a glass of water before leaving the room. My dad kissed the top of my head and fallowed her out. I didn't take a single word of that seriously.

Had enough of him huh? Had enough of the guy I picked to bring home to them? The guy that saved my life? Now I certainly wasn't going to take them if she was going to be like that. I didn't turn and look as the door opened, Shep was too the door in seconds, nails clicking on the hard wood floor, but came back to lay on my feet shortly after. I felt a weigh on my shoulders and out of the corner of my eye I could see blonde hair as a pair of lips touched my cheek.

"Guess what I got hm?" He asked.

"An oversized ego?" I asked sarcastically, but he only shoved a brown paper bag into my lap. Pulling the bag away from the bottle it had inside, I found a label that read 'vodka' and not 'rum.'

"Whats this? You got the wrong kind." I said plainly, he sat down across from me on the other sofa with a cup and reached for the bottle.

"No I didn't hm," he answered as I handed him the bottle, "I don't want you to have any."

"What the fuck?" I almost yelled. Now him too? "Where he fuck did you even get that?"

"Took your car," he said very quietly and took a shot. I could only imagine the burn in his throat. I wanted that burn too.

"What the fuck?" I repeated. He shrugged.

"Don't blame me because you aren't doing like your supposed to hm," He said tipping back another shot.

"What the fuck!" I shouted. I was beyond pissed. He was supposed to be on my side! My supporter! I stood up and tried to walk out of the room but I was stopped before I could even move. Tears wracked my frame.

Why had I lost the ability to function? Why couldn't I get Madara out of my head long enough to even go to god damned sleep? I just wanted a little to drink and my own brain back! I pressed my hands to my face, but it didn't stop the tears from flowing down my face, then my arms and dripping off my elbows. Deidara wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.

"What do you want May?" he whispered.

"I want to go to sleep!" I wailed, pulling my hands from my face to press it into his shoulder. I felt one of his arms move. He fished around in his pocket until he retrieved one of my tiny white pills and pressed it into the palm of my hand.

"Fuck you!" I hissed, trying my best to shove him away, though he was much bigger and heavier, and I only pushed myself off of him instead of away from me. I threw down the pill and staggered back.

"I've had enough! I thought we were supposed to help each other!" I screamed.

"I am helping you you idiot!" He shouted back, "I'm helping you the best way I know how! Making you suffer until you see!"

"That's cruel," I accused. I wanted to real back and slap him. I wanted to throw him out of our bedroom, or stab him with a throwing knife even.

"You won't respond any other way," he folded one arm and rested the other on it, putting his palm to his forehead and brushing his bangs out of his face.

"You know I didn't mind loosing everything with you every time we turned around," I started, "I didn't mind when you used me as a distraction when we were attacked or when the flames from your bombs burned my skin," I spoke in a hushed tone, this was only for his ears, "But I mind this, whatever this is."

I took myself upstairs and slammed the door to our bedroom. I wanted everyone in this house to know I was angry with him, even the dog. I could feel myself drifting in and out of sleep and it was getting harder and harder to fight it. I felt a weight on the bed that snapped me back and I was glad for that for a moment until I realized it was Deidara.

"Take your pill May," He said softly, and this time pressed the pill to my lips. I couldn't fight him anymore. I didn't have the energy to.

"He'll come for me in my dreams," I explained groggily as my eyes fluttered shut.

"No, he won't. I'm right here." The pill slipped between my lips much to my dismay and when he lifted my shoulders up and pushed a glass to my mouth much the same way, I decided I could do nothing more than swallow it.

I hated Vodka.

My eyes flicked open and I had the sudden urge to get myself a drink. Getting up, I couldn't remember where I'd fallen asleep, but this certainly wasn't my room. I didn't stand around and think about it long, my throat was literally burning from thirst. I made haste in opening the door and walking down the strange hallway to find a bathroom. This place was filled with door after door, each opened to only reveal a large king sized bed with purple sheets.

This was the same as my last dream, and Jesus Christ, I was falling into it again. I could stop my feet as I walked to the same bathroom, picking up the same purple cup and bringing it to my lips. It covered my vision the same way it had and the familiar sensation of my wet, sticky blood washed down the front of me.

This time I gasped for air, now unable to breathe as my wind pipe was severed. I felt only terror as my vision began to darken. Fear gripped me in a choke hold, terror squeezed my body until it was reduced to a shaking mess crumbling on the ground. His eyes were over me then. I could only see his god forsaken eyes. A blade rose from the shadows, shiny and silver in color and I knew he would finish me. I shut my eyes and braced myself for the end.

I waited, and waited until I felt something wet on my face. I feared it was my blood again, but when I felt no pin, I opened my eyes to find none other than Shep, My dog. Madara was gone, so was my wound, and in his place was the black Shepard.

"Shep? You little bastard un, where are you?" I heard Deidara call and Shep was gone, but he returned seconds later with my boyfriend.

Deidara had chased him away, just like he promised, and with an extended hand, my blonde lover helped me to my feet.

My eyes snapped open, my uncovered body feeling drastically cold in the autumnal air coming from my open window. The room was dark save for a little light peaking in under the shade of said window. I moaned as a head ache suddenly hit my full force. Deidara wasn't here, and that worried me. What if I was still dreaming? I tried to move my legs to get up, but Shep was on my feet. After giving the Shepard a pat on the head, I pulled my feet from under him and was quickly out the bedroom door. I looked back once to see my own black sheets on my bed.

I wanted to fly out of this room, looking for Deidara, hug him and tell him how much he meant to me. I'd said somethings I wasn't to proud of today, and saying I was sorry seemed to be the right thing to do. Shaky legs helped me to the hallway and to the top of the stairs.

"Hello?" I called.

"Down here!" I heard my mom call. I was hesitant at first. Afraid of her after that nightmare I'd just had, but I realized I was only going to get anywhere by talking to her, dream or not.

"Wheres Dei?" I called again, this time it was quiet. I felt Shep rub on my leg and I looked down to him, and then back, my mother stood at the bottom of the stairs now.

"He went up to the college. Your dad drove him," she said simply, and calmly I might add, a hand on her hip was holding a dishrag, "He had a talk with us this morning," she stated.

"What'd he say?" I asked, sort of afraid of the answer. I fidgeted under her gaze.

"A lot..' She trailed off, her eyes looking tired ad her body language told me she was deep in thought, "You know, he's not as bad as I thought he was." My mouth fell open. I must still be dreaming!

"Yeah?" I asked, quickly stepping down the stairs and fallowing her into the kitchen.

"Yeah, your dad talked to him about the other night, and I'll tell you too, don't you dare do that again, and if I hear anything more about you two...you knowing, I personally will-"

"We didn't do anything like that!" I interjected, but she rose a finger to shush me.

"I don't wanna hear about it! Anyway," she started again with a sigh, "He told us what he wanted to do, and how he was going to get it together, and just asked us accept him. It was nice, no yelling, see I told you that medicine was going to help him, I told you that-"

I stopped listening before she started to ramble. He was going to get it together? What about me? I needed to get it together too. What did I even want to do? Was I just going to blindly fallow him for the rest of my life? What kind of person would I be then? What happened to the old me? The fighter, the strong willed woman who didn't need a man to support her?

I decided then that I was going to work to get my old self back, I hated what I'd become.


	5. Chapter 5

"I think I'm gonna go away for a little while," Deidara said, early one morning as I brushed my hair near the window while he sat cross legged still in bed.

"And just where are you going to go?" I asked, looking at him with a surprised expression. I didn't take a word of that seriously, where in Gods green earth was he going to go with out me?

"I can't tell you just yet, but I promise it'll be worth it un,"

"You are not keeping secrets from me!" I nearly shouted, but he didn't say anything, just got up and left the room. I was pissed. Just what the fuck was this about?

I stomped downstairs my mother avoided me like the plague, no doubt hearing me upstairs. I ripped an apple from the bag on the counter and threw myself down on the couch. I was about half way though my apple when my mother said,

"Have you seen this?"

"Seen what?" I asked with my mouth full,

"This, its for you," before she finished speaking I stood up, curious, and walked to her. She gazed upon a small clay sculpture. A woman, plain in the sense of facial features but the creases in her cloths were perfect, as well as her hair. This was Deidara's new style, detailed in an undetailed sense. In her hands was a 'baby' that was actually my small, white pill.

Sighing, I took the pill from its placement and tipped my head back, dry swallowing it in one go. I picked up the sculpture and carried it upstairs with me, barging into my room to find my boyfriend back on the bed, the laptop in his lap.

"Whats this?" I asked, holding it out.

"Did it work?" He asked, not taking his eyes away from the screen.

"Yes, but-" I started, but he cut me off.

"Put that down and come here yeah," He interjected in the middle of my sentence, so I did as I was asked, put it down with some of the others he'd made, and joined him on the bed. He shut the laptop and scooted over ageist the wall. I sat down in my spot.

"I got accepted by a large company to learn to make fireworks. I have to leave in a few days. They've arranged for a car to come get me, and a place to stay too while I'm there," he explained. I tried to take it all in.

"They just, hired you or what?" I asked, my tone in between sad and surprised. I knew he had to go, but I was sad he had to leave, but still happy that he'd gotten this opportunity.

"Right now its an internship with a possibility for them to hire me. I sent them my placement test scores from the college, and I guess they thought that was good enough, I think they want me for a management position," he continued, but I was sort of awestruck. I knew he was smart, his placement scores were average, but the work he was doing in math and science (physics even!) at the collegic level, astounded me. He'd caught up so fast, and just as of late!

"Paid internship?" I asked. I knew my parents would never send him with our money. He nodded. I want him to stay home. I wanted him to stay where I could see him, where he could protect me. Under everything, I was still just as scared as the day I meet him. I was just as angry here as I was before I fell though the portal. I didn't want him to go, so I told him that.

"This plan backfired hm," I think he might have been upset that the news mad me sad instead of happy. I think he expected me to jump for joy or some shit, "I'm gonna go anyway. We have to move out of your parents house, I have to get a job. I don't want us to end up like I was. Without an actual home to go back to at night, and virtually no money in our pockets."

That made sense I had to admit. I was happy, at least, that his life plan included me.

"Your my princess un. I fought a long hard battle to get where I am, the least you could let me do is finish what I started yeah?" he said after sighing.

"Yeah…" I breathed. I was going to miss him. Miss the smell of his skin that nearly intoxicated me. I'd miss talking and laughing late at night, I'd miss him soothing my insecurities and calming my racing mind. Deidara cupped my cheek, I could almost feel the line pressed into his palm where the mouths would have been.

The next Saturday, a car came for him. He'd packed one of my old school bags, and we currently stood on the front poach, the bag slung over his shoulder. My father chatted with the driver of the sleek black company car as we said goodbye.

"Be good," he scolded me like child I was compared to him, and then he kissed me. This wasn't a silly teenagers kiss, or some lovely dovey, time wasting junk, he kissed me like a lover. The same kiss shared over centuries, by thousands of people, and I remembered I'd found eternity. In that moment I remembered I was happy.

As he left, it was almost like he'd turned off the light to my soul. As he got into the car, my joy packed up and left with him. My bed was never so empty as it was that night.

Sunday morning when I came down for breakfast, I found a sculpture in my usual spot at the table. For a second, I thought Deidara was home, but when my mom patted my shoulder as she brought my food, I knew it couldn't be.

"He left a bunch of these for you. I'm supposed to put your pill in them each morning. I thought it was sort of sweet," my mother said as she sat down in her spot, dumping ketchup all over her eggs. I looked down at the sculpture. It was Shep, except instead of a collar he had a little barrel around his neck like the Saint Bernards in the movies. The barrel was only partially made, because in it was my pill.

Sighing, I swallowed my pill with some orange juice, and went to picking at my food. Deidara called that night, the place was all the way in South Carolina, so our long distance call was short. He told me he was settling in well, the apartment was nice, and he was getting along good with the guys he worked with. It all made me feel sad mostly, because I wasn't there. Not even glad for him that he was doing well. I went right to sleep after his call.

The dream I had wasn't entirely unpleasant. At first I was falling though what looked like space, stars everywhere, the background looked like a galaxy print, black, blue, and purples meshed and blended around me. The fall, however, terrified me. I was falling faster and faster until I just stopped, though the feeling remained.

I took a look around, and far off, I could make out the outline of three tomes. For a terrified second, I thought this was another Madara dream, until I realized it was morphing into birds. Two of the three flew right by me, I found feel the breeze of their wings on my face as they passed, but the third, every growing bigger, was taking his time. I had to know what it was doing.

My legs compelled me ,and I waked forward, closing the distance between the bird and I. Its features became cleared and the colors faded from the background. Star after star extinguished. I meet the bird when the space around me had become completely black.

"What are you?" I uttered. This bird was my size, my height, and gold in color.

Without warning, The bird spread his wings and bust into flame. He lit from his perch in nothingness, and flew into me, not into me, as in bumping into me or knocking me over, but literally into me, though my body.

I awoke with a gasp, a warmth filling my chest. My heart bubbled with adrenaline still from the dream. I could see the sun barely climbing up from the window shade I'd left up. My clock read four AM. Calmly but quickly, I tore out of bed. I dug around in my closet until I found my canvas, the one I'd been given for my painting class, and I began my sketch.

I went though several sketches. First a bird, the phoenix from my dream, painted in warm colored flying though a cool colored sky, a girl with her arms outstretched as if she too was flying. I trashed it, thinking it looked too surreal. Next I thought of a portrait of Deidara and I, sitting closely together smiling, like some one too a picture, but that went in the maybe pile, thinking it too good to throw away.

I had a break through then, and I decided to paint myself. Just myself. Around my neck draw a simple silver ring on a chain, and my eyes, though it was not their true color, I made a bright amber. It was on an angle to the left, my were arms crossed, though your could only see my right hand and left elbow, where my scar was prominent on my upper arm. My scar was truly something to treasure. It was a symbol of my ability to get things done, by myself. It was a symbol that I was strong, I'd made it. The ring was devotion. I was devoted from this point on to three things, My relationship, my paintings, and myself. Everything else would have to get in line. My eyes were the same color as the phoenix.

At first I thought the phoenix in my dream was Deidara. I remembered when he'd come to rescue me and I ran into the flames and I thought his clay bird was the mythical bird, but it no longer represented that to me. The phoenix was hope. The phoenix was the future. It was instilled in me. I might not be happy now, I realized, but only I could ever make myself happy. I had to be the phoenix. I had to come from the unhappy ash, and make myself into something beautiful.

My day at the community college flew by, I couldn't wait to get home to the canvas. I was so excited to be able to hold a paintbrush instead of a pencil. Color over took white, section by section, My hands, arms, shirt and desk were covered in paint, all different shades blended and contrasting.

My birthday came and went, eighteen wasn't as exciting as it probably could have been. I insisted that I did not want a party, but my mother made me a cake and got me a card anyway, insisting it wasn't a party if nobody came.

The leaves were falling from the trees now. Pale greens mixed with deep red and oranges as I helped rake the yard with my dad. It was going to snow in a few weeks people continued to insist. Christmas was just around the corner they'd continue. I didn't want it to snow. I didn't want to move on with my life without Deidara.

The last day of painting at the college, the class was to present their artwork. The written exam had already been completed and it was time to move on to our canvas we'd received at the beginning of class. I walked mine confidently to the front of the class and out it up for everyone to see. My sweater covered my arm scar, and I quickly peeled it off to put it on display. It was an important part of my life, no point in hiding it.

This painting was my break though, It was a meaningful picture and I refused to allow myself be any less than proud of it.

"This is my painting, and uh," I started, feeling the eyes of the room around me, "Well, I uh, wanted to represent myself and everything that's happened to me so, I made this," I stuttered a few times as i spoke and the group clapped, as customary. I had nothing to prove to these people. They didn't need my life story and I wasn't going to give it. I took my painting and sat down. Not too bad, just awkward and unrehearsed.

As I left the lecture hall I noticed the trees were all bare. It bothered me as I drove home. The world moved on but I didn't want to. The world moved but did I have to too? I wasn't in the house a second before my mother was yelling for me. I barely got the door closed before she peaked around the door to the kitchen, the phone to her ear.

"Yes, shes right here, May! Guess who?" she smiled. For a moment I was scared it was Jenny or Jake, or another one of my friends, but as soon as I uttered a quiet hello into the phone, I lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Hello Princess," Deidara's voice sounded so smooth, like he'd actually gotten enough sleep for once because the program wasn't driving him crazy.

"Hi," I grinned. I was sure he could hear the pure joy in my voice.

"I have the most wonderful thing to tell you. I'm sending a car to come get you tomorrow hm, They hired me to work full time! I got a big enough hiring bonus to buy a house, not a real big house un, but a house," His voice sounded just as happy, the way he slurred a few of his words together made me think he'd already had a celebration drink. That was alright. Everything was alright and we'd finally be together again after so many weeks. I was almost jumping for joy.

"That's great!" I squealed. I would see him tomorrow. Tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

I could hardly contain myself as rode hours upon hours in the company car. I was going to see Deidara again after weeks and weeks, an eternity it seemed, and like hell I was going to miss a single second of this road trip there. I didn't even bother trying to read the book I brought or watching a TV show on my phone because I knew I'd never be able to focus, not even for a second.

I could feel the butterfly in my belly when the driver motioned to a large building in a field. It was probably four storys, and white in color, probably the only like it in a 5 country mile radius.

We'd gotten on the highway in Ohio and driven all this way, Across three states to the northern part of South Carolina. We passed though a few large cites after we'd gotten off the expressway and I'd gotten excited, however when we started into the suburbs and then moved onto the Soybean and Tobacco farm fields, I wasn't so excited anymore.

Jamie, South Carolina was a modest little town, maybe a mile long. Sure they had one everything, but compared to my city I'd grown up in, I felt like if I blinked I'd miss it. We left Jamie, and made our way back out into the farm fields before I saw Big Boom Incorporated, the place my long missed lover was working.

As we pulled up the drive, I could see him there, waiting for me, looking so mature and adult like as he stood near the front doors. I nearly jumped into his arms as I threw open the car door and flew from my seat.

"I missed you so much!" I squealed, wrapping my arms around him tightly, I didn't care that I'd been in the car all day bored out of my mind or that we were in the middle of nowhere, I was with my boyfriend again.

"I missed you too hm," He said quietly, hugging me back with the same intensity. He hadn't changed a bit save for his bangs were just a little bit more to the side, out of his face so now I could see both his pretty gray eyes. He'd explain later it was because he had to tie all of his hair back while working with the fireworks, leaving his bangs trained to the side now instead of in the front.

Deidara seemed so much calmer now as he held my hand on a small tour of the facility. He showed me a line of desks with people working on various sorts of fireworks. The way I understood it, as long as they had so many of each type my the end of the week to send to packaging, it didn't matter what you worked on. They worked very slowly and very carefully, assembling fountain fireworks. In another room, a few people worked on very large, warhead looking fireworks that must be the ones that shoot up into the sky.

While continuing our walk, he showed me packaging, which put some fireworks that were meant to go to stores were boxed and others that were just simple black boxes were set aside and sorted to be used for display shows.

"I've only done assistant manager jobs on performances, but I'll be able to go on the next one myself hm. We did a show for an amusement park grand opening last week, it was pretty awesome yeah," Deidara was smiling, and though I felt sort of nervous being in this building that could explode any minute, I was happy that he was happy and that we were together.

I found it strange that Deidara never introduced me to anyone, but everyone looked when he entered a room. He didn't look particularity happy with them watching him, he just smiled at me and averted his eyes from them.

"Whats that about?" I asked, but he just smiled and pulled me up a flight of stairs.

"They think my hair looks like a girl's," he sighed, I think he looked sort of defeated with the smile he was still forcing.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, leaning over to kiss his cheek, "I think your hair looks manly as hell," I giggled. He looked more content with my reassurance, but I knew it didn't cure the problem. I could only imagine the gay jokes and the transgender slurs they made at him. Just because he was their superior didn't mean anything to them apparently.

"I handled it hm," his tone sort of even. I only assumed he'd finally lost his temper and either got into a fight or fired someone, if he had the power to do that.

"Are you happy here?" I asked finally after a long silence up the stairs, I couldn't imagine co-workers like the ones here. He nodded and walked me up another flight of stairs.

"Yeah, I am, I though I'd be doing more actual firework making, but I'm to busy with all the paperwork," he admitted, thought it sounded more to me like a coded message for "no, I'm not happy because I wanted to blow shit up not write papers about it, but I'm going to do this job anyway."

"It'll be better now your here," his tone sounded laughing, though he actually wasn't. I realized I'd been looking off into space for a moment, and when I looked back at him I could only see pure joy written on his face.

"I missed you," He admitted, pulling me into another tight hug. I didn't say anything, just held him as I returned the hug.

After we toured the facility, we went outside to find a high end gray SUV parked with all the old clunker cars in the employee lot.

"That's not yours is it?" I deadpanned, looking at him very seriously.

"Nope, its a company car un, but I drive it," he said, pulling out the keys with an arrogant smirk, "I might have lied and said I had a license, and then again I might not have hm."

"Ohhhh, no," I said, snatching the keys from him as we crossed the parking lot and I was glad that I did, all four sides of the car were dented and there was suspicious looking yellow paint on the front bumper that matched the yellow paint on the lamp post nearby.

I took us right out of the driveway instead of from the left like I'd pulled in. I gave it a little gas down the country roads, watching the corn and cow fields fly by. I fondly remembered Jiro the horse as we passed a ranch of sorts, and we spent some time catching up. It was dark by the time we arrived in a large town, Dei informed me that the the office head quarters was in this little city town. I was happy to know the town had roads that connected it to a city, and there were large suburbs nearby to live in. When we arrived at head quarters, he rushed me inside for a dinner with the company to celebrate complexion of the internships.

The room was large, filled with red clothed circular tables with large flower arrangement as center peaces. We sat with another couple and their young son,the tables already assigned, but we didn't talk to them much. I picked at my salad and hardly touched my spaghetti because I was still so absorbed with Deidara. It wasn't even that we talked much, but I was so content just to smile and hold his free hand that I could have burst from pure joy. A glass clinked near the end of the dinner to call the attention of everyone in the room.

"Everyone, if you could please head outside," a man in a dark suit said loudly as he stood up from his own table, "The interns have put together a small display to show us the skills they've learned," he said in a very curt tone. Deidara informed me that he was the CEO of the company and was sort of an asshole. We all filed outside slowly, shuffling shoulder to shoulder into the sidewalks, and across the street where a park was located. There was a crowd of people here to see, and I hoped it'd turn out well.

In an instant, a button was pushed at set off the first set. It sent off five rockets up into the air that each exploded in a different color, and then they fired randomly after that.

"Did you do this too?" I asked, my head tilted back to see the show.

"mhm, I worked on coordination and I did a few of the rockets, just because I like the rockets yeah, I wasn't supposed to," He said sort of flatly. I couldn't see his face, but I could tell he was proud.

"Are you happy yeah?" He asked, reaching over to grip my hand.

"Very," I replied, and I can say confidently I was very happy. A few large fountain fireworks went off at the base of the rockets, illuminating the park with more color. He stepped up then, bringing my attention to him, I could see the lights going off behind him, the shadows playing across his face.

"Can I ask you something hm?" his tone very serious, when I didn't respond, he continued,"Will you marry me?"

The finale went off then, shooting off another five rockets again, and then again and again. I wasn't even paying attention them, I just gawked at him open mouthed. His mouth fell open too, only slightly in shock. I could see the hope in his eyes leave. He thought I didn't love him like he loved me.

My mind was blank, I knew it should be rushing, but it just wasn't. I was only focusing on his face, those eyes that looked like home, that beautiful face, his gorgeous blond hair, I couldn't hardly believe it.

"Yes," I told him, and from the bottom of my heart I meant it, only when his face fell even further, did I realize I hadn't said it outloud.

"Of course!" I shouted, throwing my arms around his neck and held him tight. I put my hand on the opposite side of his head and pressed my face into his neck as he held me tight.

"You are my world Dei, of course I'll marry you," I admitted as he rocked us back and forth, unable to contain his own happiness.

Deidara's one bedroom flat was my home away from home for the night, his bed wasn't terribly comfortable and off course he'd have to be moving out soon, but none of that mattered now, only our wedding.

"Oh this is insane!" I buzzed, "we can plan this all ourselves and oh, oh" I stuttered, my brain overwhelmed with wedding jitters until finally a hitch came in my plans, "oh, my parents," I groaned, "there's no way there gonna let me get married, no way in hell."  
"Well go home and I'll talk to them," Deidara tried to assure me, but that thought was almost laughable. My parents weren't about to listen to him either.  
"I mean, it makes a lot of sense, you have to move in with me anyway hm," Deidara's words sounded strange. He couldn't be serious about that, could he?  
"Why the hell would I move out?" I demanded. My parents paid for my collage, food, housing, I'm currently unemployed so they often gave me money, how could I just leave that?  
"The company is here, how else could we stay together?" He asked me, his time sounding slightly irritated, like a 'duh' should have been placed on the end of that sentence.  
"I don't really know, I can't just abandon my life," I spat, my words reflecting the truth. Honestly, until now I'd been pretty childish up until now. I'd never had a job, I'd never even made my own doctors appointment, but for some reason I let myself believe that everything was really going to work out with Deidara and I. How could it in all actuality? Not only had he come from a completely different place than I had, but how could I really just pick up and move to this strange place?  
"May, I left to get a job so we could live together. I'm not going to throw this away hm," his voice was stern. This was more than bickering, this might have well been a midlife crisis while I was still in my teens.  
"I'm not going to throw away eighteen years for a guy I meet a few months ago!" I shouted, and after I said that I regretted it. At first his face looked hurt, but I could see the rage dance on to his features shortly after.  
"Son of a bitch! I can't believe this!" he shouted, putting his face in his hands. I thought for a moment that he might cry, but when he took his hands away, I cold only see defeat and sadness.

"I didn't mean that," I stuttered, why had I said that why? "I'm sorry."

"No, its okay," he sighed and lay down flat on the bed. He'd already taken the ponytail out of his hair and his blond locks feathering out behind him, "maybe we aren't ready to get married."

"A fight doesn't mean we aren't ready to get married," I scoffed, feeling that I was ready and that I very firmly wanted it, "if you think that, then we shouldn't ever get married. Married people have fights too you know."

I too flopped down on the bed, my long hair matching his now, my dark strands mixing with his light. My head tilted to the side, his matching, and our eyes caught together. It wasn't really a staring contest, but neither of us blinked. The light in his eyes was fading I could see.

"Marrying me won't make you happy at your job Dei, its not a problem if you want to find something different to do," I sighed, turning over on my side and cupping his cheek in my right hand.

"What am I supposed to do hm? I was sure this is what I wanted," he trailed off with a sigh. It was times like these I think that we were both glad he was still on medicine. My prescription had run out a while ago, leaving me (finally) in well enough condition to care for him.

"I've never asked you what you wanted to be yeah," I'd gotten distracted for a moment, but my eyes were back on his gray ones. I gave it a little bit of thought before I answered.

"I want to be a painter but, it wouldn't be so hard to, like, do other stuff while," I muttered, I didn't want to give him a straight answer. I knew being a painter wouldn't work well for us, they didn't make near enough. I didn't want to tell him that one of us was going to have to get a good paying job because I wanted that person to be me. I wanted Deidara to be able to relax, to do what he wanted to do. He seemed to be considering my answer.

"Okay," he sighed after a long minute of silence. Neither of us spoke another word, but together we drifted to sleep.

We went out for breakfast the next morning at a dinner Deidara frequented before I joined him at work. He was sitting down at a desk, puzzling through paper and trying to write a neat looking sentence on a few in ballpoint pen. We worked on the third floor, the CEO up a flight of stairs on the far side of the cube farm on this level. I sat in an extra chair off to the side, trying to clean up Dei's messy desk while he tried to work.

"Good thing about you being here hm, now I don't have to google all these words I don't know, what's fulminate mean?" He asked, sounding out the word like full-min-ate. I shrugged and proceeded to google the word myself.

A loud clatter pulled everyones heads away from their papers. A blonde woman, tall in a professional looking pants suite stormed down the stairs, throwing papers around and screaming at the top of her lungs how she was 'done.' She threw a particularly large clump of paper as she passed Deidara's office, scattering them all over the floor and onto Deidara's desk where it mixed with the ones he was currently working on.

"Fuck you! I quit! Fuck all of you and this god damned place, this is an outrageous organization! Have a nice life motherfuckers!" She screamed, everyone's head turning to look at the stares where an older man sat with a cane.

"Good riddance, yeah," He muttered as the elevator was called and the explosive woman left the room. I lent down to pick up the papers from the ground.

"What was that about?" I asked, trying to smooth out the wrinkles in the papers.

"Macy is insane, I swear to god un, all she does is cause trouble around here," He said, groaning and trying to reorganize papers after the confusion. He'd marked the wrong thing on several pages, and was currently trying to white out his mistakes. He muttered something about the 'Macy' woman being a dumb bitch, and sighing, I went to collect the rest of the papers. Luckily, the former secretary had walked in a straight line, right down the main isle way of the room, and it was fairly easy. The man with the cane was no longer on the stairs, and unsure of where else to take them, I took the stack I was currently holding up.

"Hello?" I called, coming upon an empty desk where I assumed they went, and sat them down. I was about to turn around and leave when the old man hobbled out from a room in the back.

"Thank you, very much," He smiled.

"Your welcome," I returned, and again tried to leave but the man continued speaking.

"I don't think I recognize you, you don't work here do you?" He asked, his hand shaking along with his legs. This man had to be damn near eighty.

"Uh, no, sir, I don't, My boyfriend brought me here with him," I tried to leave Deidara out of it, but it was useless, he knew who I was talking about regardless.

"Ah, yes," He laughed," Uh, Deidara was it? As soon as you said that, I knew exactly who you were speaking of," he chuckled, "He never shuts up about his wonderful girlfriend."

"Yes," I continued smiling, sort of awkwardly now. Honestly, I was impressed the way the man said my boyfriends name, the best with any American accent yet. Not to mention, I was flattered. Deidara never shut up about me huh?

"You know, my granddaughter, Macy, she means well, you know, its just, when I put my son in charge of the company, it got a little too much for her. Its too bad, really, We have quite a bit to be done here, and company can't function without her job," the old man spoke, seemingly not upset. He seemed kindly and honest, smiling still in that cute old person way. I knew where this was going.

"Are you offering me a job sir?" I asked hesitantly, I defiantly wanted it. I wanted so badly to work here after I realized what was happening, I could be close to my.. fiance, every day. I cold feel the excitement in my finger tips.

"If you'll take it," he nodded, a very serious look coming over his features.

"Yes!" I nodded frantically. The old man smiled and hobbled a little closer to me, holding out his hand to shake on it.

"Welcome to Big Boom Incorporated."


	7. Chapter 7

My new job wasn't terribly hard, I discovered. I was put right to work and ended up processing my own employment forums and payroll. The fax machine was a breeze to work, simple and very fast, the copier might as well have been a dinosaur but it still spit out toner covered paper like the day it rolled out of the factory, and best of all, I had a huge desk and all the organizers I wanted.

The desk was like the other side of a black hole, wrappers and outdated coupons lay with the report papers and order forums, some of which needed to be processed weeks ago. I had a desk phone to answer and calls to direct, I only hung up on three people before I finally got the phone workings down. It was almost fuinny the way the desk looked at the end of the day as to when I got here. My room back home was a mess, it had been before Deidara moved in,but this work space was different. It was clean, sorted and efficient. Macy had left some things behind, a rhinestone pen behind and a high heal shoe tape disperser was among them, which I sort of put off to the side in case she came back for them, but I'd made up my mind that I was keeping the purple cupcake shaped stack of sticky notes.

A flood of the higher ups left the building at five sharp and I took that a my que to leave for the day too. I didn't see my boss or the old man that hired me again, and I didn't stand around to look. Descending the stairs, I found the office level also clearing out. Deidara held my coat up from his office, a tired smile on his face.

"Where'd you go for so long hm?" He asked, handing me my jacket. It wasn't near cold enough for a full on coat here, though it'd snowed back home.

"Upstairs, guess who got a job?" I asked, feeling a bit cocky.

"Couldn't be you could it?" He asked, pulling me close to give me a tight hug. We were both insanely proud of each other, I could tell. We'd come such a long way from laying on my sofa having nightmares and eating chips, to getting married. From bumming off my parents to looking at apartments of our own this after noon.

It was chilly outside, chilly enough to use the heated seats in Dei's borrowed car and to jam buttons to get the heater working as soon as possible. We were due for snow any day now too, not as much as my house in Southern Ohio got, but snow none the less. Christmas was on its way too, I mentioned. Deidara told me that he hadn't celebrated Christmas in years, not since he defected from his village, and I promised him a tree, though we agreed that our presents to each other this year would be a house.

We decided that instead of shitting around and trying to move, we'd just rent the apartment we were already in after the intern's lease was up, and buy our own furniture since the rental place would be coming to get the stuff he was using. We had three months rent paid by the end of the night, but not after draining my bank account. It didn't matter, I had more cash on the way at the end of this week and Dei had enough for food.

Honestly, the cash problem worried me. Yes, I was happy to have been able to sit down in a stable, safe, paid for place, but the amount of money we had left over worried me. We had to move forward, no matter how scary. Deidara taught me that. I'd started to teach myself that.

At midnight, I decided to call my parents.

I wondered as the phone rang if they were still up, but I hadn't called in a day or so, I figured they'd be waiting. It only rang a few times before my dad picked up.

"Hey there!" He sounded cheery. I could hear my mom laughing in the back ground.

"Whats going on?" I asked, putting the phone on speaker and laying it on my stomach. My legs were twisted with my fiance's, my left hand in his right and our heads near each others.

"Nothing, just uh, remembered something funny, having a good time?" he asked, the laughter dying down out of his voice.

"Yeah," I answered, as Deidara said ' its fine' indicating to my parents that he was on the phone too.

"When are you guys planning on coming home?" I heard my mom call, though I knew she wasn't concerned much with Deidara.

"Uh, mom, thats what we called about," I started, but I could hear her starting to repeat "no, no, no" over and over again, I knew she wasn't going to listen. My dad tried to quiet her, but eventually, I think he just walked out of the room because my mom's voice got quieter and quieter until I couldn't hear it anymore. Really, it hurt, to know she couldn't even hear me out. She couldn't even listen to all of our good fortune and happenings, she had to be immature. That's exactly what she was doing, being childish.

"May, I'm going to listen just this once, but I want you to know, moving is out of the question," My fathers voice sounded stern and sort of stressed. Their only child was moving away, and they were powerless to stop me, all they could do was claw and try to find a grip on me any way they could. They wanted me to stay, I realized, with them. I heard the phone click and I knew my mother had picked up another handset.

"I just want you to listen, and to not fight me, just this once," I groaned, I knew where this was going with him and it was only a matter of time until my mom joined in, "I came to work with Dei today, and I got hired in the same building he works in. We could work at the same place, and we both have really good deals here. The longer we work, the higher the pay will be and its already pretty good. I'm smart, I know about this stuff too, you didn't raise an idiot."

I felt like I was making a case in front of a court, like I was confessing to a crime. I knew there was nothing my parents could do, except hold all of my stuff ransom, but they meant more to me then the world, they raised me and I loved them, no matter how much they yelled. They were my parents, it was there job to parent me, to guide me in the right direction. I wasn't trying to be a rebellious teenager, I was just trying to leave the nest.

"No, no, go tomorrow and tell them you quit," my mother sounded angry, but I knew she was really begging, "I'm coming to get you right now, it wont be too long, get your things."

"Mom, he asked me to marry him!" I shouted, hoping to stop her frenzy before she got herself too worked up and did actually drive here. The line was quiet for a long time until I heard the phone click again.

"Hello?" I asked, unsure if either of them were still there.

"Yeah, uh, May, we'll be down in a day or so," My dad answered, his voice sounded worried and hallow. All I could say was 'okay' and hang up. Deidara cleared his throat.

"That went well, better than I would have thought yeah," he dead panned. I wanted to punch him.

My parents arrived the next day. Deidara and I went to work, per new usual, and when we got out, they were sitting in my dads two year old Cadillac, the windows rolled down with Shep's head hanging out the back seat window. The German Shepard about went crazy when he spotted me. I gripped Deidara's hand as we crossed the parking lot to see them.

"Calm down," he tried to soothe. I was walking ahead of him and I realized I was probably killing his hand in the death grip I had it in. I wasn't nervous, well, I wasn't until I closed the last five feet to them.

"Hey," I greeted lamely. I wasn't sure if my mom was going to lecture me here or wait, though I hoped it would be later.

"Hey," My dad offered back, he put on a fake smile just for me. Peering into the car I could see my mother who didn't look particularly unhappy either. We just sort of stood awkwardly with them for a moment before Deidara cleared his throat, bringing attention to himself.

"Lets go out for dinner, Karen, Sam, did you guys get your hotel room yet or do you still have to do that?" He sounded so casual, calm, like we weren't on the verge of a major break down of our family.

"No, We already checked in. Dinner would be nice, Don't you think?" My dad turned and asked my mother, who shrugged indefinitely. On a scale of one to ten on the 'I'm so over this scale' she was probably a ten. Her deepening scowl told it all.

"Alright, there's a cool little place near our apartment, fallow me over there okay?" Deidara took my hand without another word or my dad's okay, and lead me away from my parents. He insisted that he drive, to show my parents that he was more than capable of living on his own. I asked him why that was important, and he insisted that he needed to be able to care for himself to care for me. I wanted to ask him what that was about exactly, but I kept my mouth shut. He was driving sort of like an old man, five under the speed limit, hands at ten and two with stiff arms, just like a new driving student.

"I'm driving on the way home," I sighed as he attempted to parallel park at the restaurant. After his third failed attempt, the woman who owned the car in front of us came out of the restaurant and moved her car. I didn't blame her, he'd almost taken her back bumper off twice and nearly backed into her SUV on the way into the spot.

"Whatever yeah," he sounded more than a little irritated. I didn't try to coach him because when it came to driving, Dei liked to try and figure it out himself, though he had never touched an instruction manual, and it was almost impossible for him to know everything about the road without it. Conversions while he was driving usually ending in him telling me that he could do it, only to confirm he could not.

The restaurant was much worse than the car ride or the parking lot. My parents were already seated inside the dinner, disproving looks on their faces. We had barely sat down before my dad asked why he hadn't let me drive.

"Uh, Practicing, yeah, gotta get practice in so I can get an actual license," Deidara's voice sounded kinda nervous but my parents passed it off. I had a pop sitting in front of me, and they told us that they'd ordered for us, and food was on its way. I couldn't decide if it'd taken that long for Dei to park or if they were being foreword. It was quiet for a few more seconds before my dad asked another question.

"So, what are you both doing? At work I mean, you seemed so content with your jobs on the phone," This was almost a trap, like he was waiting for one of us to say the wrong thing. His tone wasn't accusing, but almost like he was daring us to speak.

"Well uh, I'm a secretary for the whole building, I uh, process paperwork and route it to where it needs to go, uh, I guess thats pretty much it, but I'm busy all day so, its not like.." I trailed off, withering under the gaze my mother was giving me. I put my head down, sighing.

"Well, technically, I'm a performance manager, so I have a lot to do, I take in what the customer wants in there show, plan it, and then send it to the factory, and then I also accompany the workers on the trip hmm, I supervise set up and then I'm the one that actually gets to detonate, but theres lots of forums and paperwork in there too, its not all fun and games," I was surprised with Deidara's confidence level. Usually he tried to say at little as he could with my parents around, but he was so cool about it, so factual.

Our food came then, not giving my father time to scrutinize either of our words. We spent the time eating in silence. I was surprised my father had taken charge of this trip. Usually it was my mother that did the lecturing and it was my father that gave me ice cream after she made me cry when I was a kid. Deidara was being quite macho too, I think they might have both been showing off to each other, a pissing contest essentially, but with my mother the way she was with everything, irrational and demanding, I figured my father was doing this for more reason that Dei.

"What kind of health insurance are you getting?" My mother asked, calmly, before shoving another fork full of salad in her mouth. Deidara and I were half way though the burger and fries they'd ordered us by this time. I entirely wasn't sure, I'd never asked about that, just took my job, so I looked over at Deidara who was chewing his food quicker to answer.

"Minimal, it covers colds and stitches, but it builds, this is a seniority job," He answered, sounding sort of short. I was worried he was starting to get an attitude with my parents, that was the last thing I needed. Dei wasn't exactly short tempered, but after enough prodding, he'd loose it. It was never so important my parents like him, up until now I could have cared less about what they thought about him, and I prayed that he could be tolerant of them just a little longer.

"Were gonna get a house after we save up this spring, right May?" Deidara nudged me with his elbow to my upper arm. I nodded, my mouth still full.

"A house is a lot to take care of," My father noted, like we were some sort of stupid children, like we didn't know that.

""I'm sure it'll be fine," Dei passed my father off quickly, and not another word was said about it. Our meal was finished shortly after.

It had been dark for some time now, and I'd been sitting here, letting Deidara take direction of the night for almost the entire time. It was better that way, him talking and allowing for me to just sit quietly and worry about things out of my control to myself.

"Dad, uh, Do you think I could get my mattress down here? And uh, my bed and stuff.." I trailed off as we walked outside. We needed that bed, we needed stuff for a house in general. Sure I could paint the walls with every hue in the world but you can't make a couch out of paint. Not that I had a couch, I had a desk though, and a shelf.

"Who's gonna pay for the movers?" He asked, not giving me a yes or a no, but when I told him that I would be paying, he said a quick "we'll see." I didn't mention I didn't have any more money. We parted ways that night, my parents going back to their hotel and taking my dog with them. I never hit the bed so hard as I did that night.

Morning again came to early, just like it had every morning when Deidara and I were traveling. At least I wasn't sleeping on the ground, but I sure felt like it. Things had been so much simpler when he was leading my blindly off into the unknown country side, on the run and having fun. I wondered if it was possible to get back.

"Dei," I groaned. He walked back into the bedroom still in his pajamas with two cups of coffee in his hands and tried to give one to me. I didn't want it, I hated coffee.

"What?" He asked, setting both cups down and sitting next to me on the bed.

"I'm so sick of this, this is exactly why I loved your world," I sighed, pulling the covers over my head. He didn't say anything, but he put his hand on top of the blanket where my should was. I felt sad, I felt like the world was on my chest, sick even.

"I want to go to your mom's house, I want to go back to the woods, I just, ugh," I groaned again.

"We have to get ready to go to work," he said quietly. He felt it too. Work drug on, and we meet my parents after again.

"I can't get any more time off from the hospital, they called me and there's an emergency, so, your mom and I are headed home tonight, call me and we'll set up a date for you to come to get the rest," My dad told me, patting my back as they stood outside of our building. He gave me a few bags of Deidara and I's belongings, and then they were off, Shep's head hanging out the window as they left the parking lot and disappeared down the road. I cried.

I left home, I left home with my lover, my fiance, my Deidara, but I'd left my family, and any chance I'd had at getting my friends back.

My days were the same after they left, one, two, three days pasted sitting in front of a computer, signing papers and sorting them into colored boxes and folders. There was no city view or fun coworkers, I sat alone in the room, typing and writing, trying to tackle the ever mounting stacks of paperwork in front of me. On the third day, my cell phone rang in the middle of the day, it was an unknown number. With no one around, I took the call.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hello, this is Sargent David Pemberton, with the Kentucky state police, who am I speaking with?" the voice on the other end came. Why was the Kentucky state police calling me?

"Whats this about?" I asked quickly. I realized then my parents never called to tell me they were home safe, "Oh my god no, this uh, this is, my name is May, where are my parents are they okay?"

"They're in critical condition in Lexington city hospital, there out of the emergency room, but still in ICU, so theirs no rush to get here alright?" He tried to calm my frantic blabbering.

"Oh god!" I shouted, "I'll be there soon, thank you, thank you so so much," I was nearly sobbing as I hung up the phone. I jumped up from my seat to run into my bosses office, whom I had never meet, I told him the situation after introducing myself quickly. I was down the stairs and grabbing Deidara in what felt like a few seconds. The drive however was much different.

I was literally unfit to drive. I was more or less a nervous wreck in the passenger seat, knees pulled to my chest trying to fight bouts of crying and panicking. All I could think about was how they'd always been there, my parents, my fucking parents were in the hospital, the very same parents that had raised me, were in ICU. Deidara was not a confident free way driver, especially since the rush hour semi-trucks were going much faster than him and passing us left and right.

We'd just gotten into Kentucky when the unthinkable happened. I'd stooped crying long enough to decide I was cold and start playing with the heater. Just as it kicked on, I heard a horrible screeching sound and right away I turned it off, thinking something was wrong with it, however the screeching continued before I felt a very rough something smash into the back, right end of my our borrowed SUV. My neck nearly snapped, but that didn't stop me from grabbing a hold of Deidara's arm as he tried to pull the car out of the harsh right turn we were making. His hand had the wheel jerked all the way to the left, and he was still on the gas. Regardless what he would have done, another car still broad sided us, crashing into my side of the vehicle and nearly crushing my leg. I didn't know it until after, but another car rear ended that one, and tipped the SUV over on its side. The wheels still tried to spin, Dei hadn't let off the gas, but the SUV was so busted up, they literally wouldn't turn, so gas flooded the engine until the car died. We were both still screaming with chests heaving unable to come to terms with the terror that gripped us.

Five minutes has passed and neither of us had moved and it wasn't until I heard screaming sirens that I realized I couldn't feel my leg. When that silence over taken us? My throat was sore, had my vocal cords given out?

"Hello?" I heard a man call, pulling me from my terror gripped silence. My throat felt very raw.

"Hello!" I yelled back, good lord, help was here already.

"Hi! I uh, I'm gonna try n' get this door open, It might be busted, but were gonna get y'all out," his southern accent was thick as he spoke to us. I heard the car creek, and I assumed he'd gotten on the right ride, which was now the top.

"Dei, you, uh, uh, you have to get out first because, it has to look like I was driving," I sputtered quietly, trying to think quick. He couldn't get in trouble for driving after this, he couldn't.

"Don't worry about it hm, just tell them I got behind you to help you, were pretty much on top of each other anyway un, damn, that, that was so much scarier than any accident I've ever been in yeah," He was speaking normally, and sweating I could see my the light of our cracked windows. I think he just wanted me out of this death trap first. If it weren't for our coats, I think we might have froze to death.

I gasped in horror as another terrible crushing sound was heard above me, and in a flash, more light was exposed onto us. Above us I could see the machine as it ripped the crushed door from the frame and showed the pretty winter sky to us. Dei was unclasping me from my seat belt in a second and a man was reaching down to help me out. I almost fell on Deidara trying to get up, but with a wobbly armed push, the man had his hands on my elbows on my black coat.

This man, I could now see was a fireman, smiled as he helped me down off of the car. I turned around quickly, as soon as my feet hit the ground, to watch him do the same to Deidara. Deidara hopped down from the car and into my arms, our embrace was long and hard and loving. We'd lived through another catastrophe. My leg gave out just after he let me go, causing him to scoop me back up and hold me tight as he examined my leg.

"You might need stitches," he muttered. I looked at him and smiled, more because we'd lived then anything else.

"Only if you do them," I murmured and captured his lips in one of the few kisses we shared. I couldn't remember the last time I kissed him, probably the day he left for work, and that was far too long. I pressed my lips to his in a way I was sure he'd have an imprint after we'd finished. He kissed back with the same ferocity, wrapping his arms under my shoulders I wrapped mine around his. As I pulled away, he caught my lower lip between his teeth. I think it was supposed to have been sexy, but it only made me giggle. He laughed too, looking a bit sheepish.

"Uh, I hate to break you guys up but, there's an ambulance here to take you both to the hospital," the fire man said, and ushered us to leave, waving his hand to 'shoo' as a tow-truck backed up to the four car accident to start hauling away scrap and get the freeway clear again.

Deidara helped me hobble over to the ambulance and only after I had a got a cloth and pressure applied to my leg did I notice Deidara favoring his left arm, holding it away from his body and still, bent at a ninety degree angle. He'd hugged me with both hands, hadn't he?

"What you do?" I asked, raising the attention of the paramedic.

"Sir, is your arm broken?" the man asked in a demanding tone, just like all of these accident professionals spoke in. Deidara didn't say anything, just offered his arm to the man, who sighing got him a brace for it.

"You weren't gonna say anything?" I asked, "Doesn't that hurt?" It sort of angered me that he wasn't worried about his health. Ninja or not.

"I've had worse yeah," He commented. We didn't speak the rest of the ride. The wait to see a doctor after we arrived wasn't terribly long since we came in with the ambulance, though Deidara and I were in separate rooms, I was just happy to have someone to stop the bleeding. It wasn't a terribly deep wound, but I felt a little light headed. One hundred stitches, a lime green cast, a police statement and a large bill later, we were discharged from the hospital. Of course the bill was sent to the house in Ohio, there was no way we'd be able to get off the ground in South Carolina. One call to our boss and a moving company later, it was arranged for our remaining possessions to be sent back to my parents house by UPS. We had a cab called for us at the busy hospital, and using our brains, we had them pick us up in the parking lot as to avoid traffic. It was difficult for me to get around. They were afraid I'd pop the stitches in my leg and have the wound gushing again so I was given a pair of crutches which I was still attempting to learn to use. Not to mention they suspected I had nerve damage, and would have to schedule another doctor's appointment back home.

What had actually happened was a teenager playing on his phone hit the back off our car while not paying attention and drifting into the next lane over. The force from the uneven hit set us sideways, where we were broad sided and my side of the car caved in. Because I was leaning over to grab Deidara, who couldn't pull us out of it fast enough, my top half was spared when the car pushed sheet metal and plastic into my leg, cutting from my knee to just above my heal when the door crinkled in. When the fourth car rear ending the car that T-boned us, it was just enough to knock us over, where the force and smashing left side broke Deidara's arm. No air bags deployed. I was surprised that was all that happened, other than these few, I guess minor wounds, we were unhurt. Shaken up and jumpy, but otherwise unhurt.

When we expressed to the driver that we needed to go an hour from where he picked us up to another hospital to see my parents, After explaining he only did local jobs he called another cab that had us scrambling to get out and into another that could take us that far. It was all a huge hassle and all of it wracked up more and more bills. That all aside, the ride to the other hospital wasn't very fun. I'd asked to stop at a drug store and pick up asprin and some gauze to keep me from scratching at my leg, but neither of those things curbed the pain and ache I was feeling. I didn't assume Deidara was doing any better. I leaned on him, and he put his good arm around me, the artificial heat in the car made it warm enough to take off our coats. My pants were ruined, blood mostly coating the outside of them and ripped to all hell, but I'd insisted on keeping them and my bloodied sock and shoes, refusing to all the nurses to throw them out.

"We lived you know," I sighed, watching out the front window of the cab as the lights rushed by on all the other cars and buildings bordering the highway.

"Yes, we did, and I can honestly say, that was probably scarier then any mission I have ever been on," Deidara's tone was flat and tired, we were both fighting to keep our eyes open.

"Excuse me, sir, could you um, find us a hotel when you get into town?" I asked the cabbie, my head listening to Deidara soothing heart beat. The hospital my parents were at was probably closed for visitors. The sun had set an indeterminable amount of hours ago and judging by the amount of cars around, it was pretty late at night.

"Sure thing," He said. My eyes drifted shut, the last thing I felt were Deidara's lips on the top of my head as I drifted to a much needed sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

When I woke up the next morning I was in a strangely dark room, for a moment, I thought I was having another nightmare, but when I looked around, I noticed my sleeping fiancé next to me. He was sleeping quietly, his eyes shut gently and I could hear his soft exhaling. I was dressed in the same cloths as I had been last night in the cab though this clearly wasn't a cab. The coffee maker, the bible on the desk and the dated funature were the tell tale signs of a hotel room.

I wasn't so much alarmed anymore as I was confused. How in the world did he manage to pay for this? I got up quietly after spotting the tea bags and instant coffee and I was in the middle of making myself a cup of off brand tea when I heard a yawn.

"You awake?" I asked quietly in case he wasn't actually awake.

"Yeah," I heard him mutter through another yawn.

"How'd we even...you know what, I don't want to know," I sighed, pouring him a cup too.

"That'd probably be best hm," I could hear the smirk in his voice as I picked up both the cups and I was across the room handing him his cup moments later. I knew he could be pretty persuasive but how persuasive I wasn't sure.

"The hospital isn't far, it's within walking distance yeah, I got us in good," he sipped his tea, though I know he would have rather preferred coffee. We were quiet for a while, enjoying our morning as much as we possibly could be in our situation. The trip to the hospital was quick. We went about getting my parents, who were both in a medical induced coma at the time, transferred to the hospital my father worked at all before we got to see them. A bill was presented to us before we left the room, wracking up our little 'vacation' total up higher.

When I actually did get to see them I wasn't surprised by the condition they were in. Both had hit there heads on the dash, creating swelling in the brain, along with broken bones and some internal bleeding. They were set to be moved across state lines that evening, so all I could do was sit with them. Dei had gone long ago to get us some lunch and I'd already amazed the nurses with my own car accident story, so I was left to sit bored, listening to the heart monitors. This was going to be a long day, probably a long few months even.

Snow covered the ground before my parents were cleared to come home, rented medical equipment and bills continuing to stack. I drove my mothers car with them inside home, feeling like I had concluded the world. I'd come this far and it felt great to finally bring them home, despite the excellent care my fathers colleges had been giving them. My parents had been conscious when we left the hospital, groggy and confused, I'm sure they had no idea where they were or who I was, but in the long run none of it mattered. They were home, and in a projected six months, back to normal.

As interest and final notices mounted and my stress level rose I decided to visit the bank. My name was not on any of my parent's accounts and our bank refused to allow me money to pay for anything because though incapacitated, my parents were still alive. I didn't feel so on top of the world after I learned that.

My parents slept for long periods and ate sparingly, one often awake when the other was asleep, and I'm sure if they could have formed a coherent thought they would have praised us, Deidara and I were up every hour of the day, just I case they needed anything. This continued on for about ten days.

The pile of mail on our kitchen table was higher than I thought it could possibly have gotten. Though I tried to stay calm, deep inside I was nervous. I felt like I was at my wits end. It would start with these bills and end with them taking the house I reasoned, and then what?

I was up and down nervously, my eyes darting to the stack, and then to my hands, finally I popped myself down on the sofa, and forced myself to stay seated, I stared at the tv, though the sound was off. I couldn't stand noise with my nerves. Deidara entered the room then, going to the kitchen to take care of his plate.

"Let's go home," I muttered from my place on the sofa, staring blankly at the muted television.

"Home?" Deidara echoed from the kitchen, brushing his plate off into the garbage and putting it in the sink.

"Your world, home," I explained, not moving from my spot.

"What?" He asked again. That got me turning around to look at him,as he stood seemingly flabbergasted in the space between the kitchen and 'dinning room' which was really just a table set in the left over kitchen space. I could see him over the kitchen counter, no cabinets hung to obstruct the view.

"You heard me," I couldn't understand why he wasn't getting it, he clearly knew what I ment.

"No, you don't get it!" He shouted, I knew then that shit hit the fan, "This is life, life is taking care of your fucking parents, whipping their asses for six more months so we can try again, and probably fail, to get our sorry uneducated asses off the ground. This is the third life I have abandoned, the third, I can't do this again!" His tone grew angrier and his voice grew louder as he spoke, he was beyond frustrated. He must have felt pretty hopeless and stressed at that point and I was a fool to ignore it.

"Then I'm going without you," I said very matter of factly. I wanted to snap at him, to fly off the handle, but if I used that now, what did I have for later in the argument?

"You can't fucking do that! You can't run away from responsibility forever!" He returned.

"Says the 23 year old who faked his death!" I shot back. If that wasn't running away from taking responsibility I didn't know what was.

"I'm twenty four!" He sounded like a three year old.

"That's not relevant!" I tried to keep calm through all this shit he was trying to feed me, it wasn't working.

"Your too young to understand," his tone now sort of a stereotypical dad voice. That really pissed me off.

"I'm a fucking adult thank you, and I've been living here longer than you," I seethed, this was bullshit! A ton of bullshit!

"But I get it! I get how life words here,you get a shitty job you hate and try to live your life at least partly happy until you hit over stressed retirement. you just keep ignoring everything or trying to weasel out of it, you can't keep running away!" While he was right, I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong of course. I couldn't understand why the prick thought of trying to make my life easier was running away from responsibility.

"I am an adult, I'm eighteen, I can do whatever I want!" I returned, my tone factual and calm now. It'd really piss him off that way. He always blew his top like this, and this was, I thought, the best way to counter it.

"I am an adult, I'm twenty four, I'm a man, I have responsibilities! As much as I would love too, May, I would love to let you play more games while I go to work, but I can't, we don't have any money, we've cashed out all the resources we had, this is it, princess...I love you, but we can't do this anymore," There was a certain sadness in his voice, defeat even, as he came down from his irrational angry sort of high. The anger faded away as the lowly feeling of insuccess took over. Insuccess in not only the argument but in making me see what he wanted me too.

I didn't tell him I loved him. I could only look at him, empty hearted and open souled. He tried to cross the room to do something, maybe just be near me, but Shep was there, at my feet, growling through bared teeth. My fiancé backed off. He heaved a deep sigh and went to sit at our kitchen table, his head in his hands, where he brooded silently. I though for a moment he might cry. My dog stalked off, going who knows where, I kept still.

I could hear wheels rolling over the hard wood floors. It could only be a wheelchair. Both of our heads turned to see my father enter the room. He had a belt around Shep's belly, clutching it and the dog's nylon collar as the German Shepard pulled him into the room. With week hands he hung on best he could, I was surprised he could even do that.

He let go of the makeshift harness, the belt falling to the floor as shep continued walking, disappearing behind some furniture as the momentum from the chair wheels died off.

"I understand I've been asleep for quite some time?" He asked, his voice low and raspy from not being used. This pasty white man, face still bruised from where he hit the dash of the car, my father, was awake.

"Daddy!" I cried, my feet felt like fire as I crossed the room, throwing my arms around him in a tight hug. Nobody said anything for a long time, I just stood, hunched over hugging my father who rubbed my back with one hand. Though my eyes welled with tears they never leaked out and I never cried.

"Do you think I could get a glass of water?" He asked, patting me one last time before I hurried off, getting the nicest glass I could find filled with ice and water the fastest I could.

My father leisurely sipped it, hoping to not upset his stomach. For a long time now he'd been getting food through a feeding tube, and then by IV and then not at all as he slept here at home. I wondered how all that was currently treating him.

"What's this grand argument I've been hearing since my eyes opened about?" He asked, setting the glass down on the nearby coffee table. He took a second glance at it, knowing my mother wasn't here to scold him about coasters.

Deidara and I had been staring at him since I'd returned from the kitchen with his water. My fiancé was still sitting at the table but I was perched on the edge of a footstool within arms reach of my dad. It still amazed me he was able to get into the wheelchair by himself.

"Well?" My father asked again. I swallowed the lump that grew in my throat.

"Dad, it's just uh," I didn't say anything else. I wasn't sure what to say it was all so complicated.

"I heard the words 'responsibilities', 'adult' and 'love' thrown around, those are pretty big words," he noted, taking each word like he was laying out a puzzle in front of us. He'd heard the entire argument, he was only waiting for us to make a case.

" Deidara," my fathers tone was soft but stern, his lecture tone, "just because your getting a job and starting a life does not mean it's the end. You both...are sort of just beginning. It's great you found a job, but you rushed off into it, I know for a fact neither of you were happy there. You were so far away to be acting like adults when you aren't just yet."

"Sam I just wanted to support her. I love her, you love Karen and you support her," Deidara tried to explain but my father cut him off midsentace.

"Karen never went to work because she was raising a baby. Karen never expected me to take care of her, just like I'm sure my daughter doesn't expect to be taken care of. Don't worry yourself dead just because you've become a superficial observer. It's hard, this economy is hard, take this free housing, go back to school. Make something of yourself before you go asking why you aren't qualified," my dad lectured like he knew it all. He did, he knew it all. He knew how life worked, he knew all the dumb tricks and simple ways to make it all easier. He'd always been more than happy to give us advice, I couldn't decide if we'd never asked or never listened. "May your not off the hook. He's right you know, you should be helping him. It takes two to make a marriage work. He doesn't make enough for you both to live on. I know you tired to get a job, but the way you just spoke now makes me think otherwise about the future. You have responsibilities too."

"Dad uh, I kinda wanted to tell you something, Dei won't listen," I felt sort of meek, and sort of stupid trying still to turn my back on this world. I explained to him what actually happened during the time I was allegedly kidnapped to the best extent of my memory. I told him about my arrival and our meeting, both times we'd been attacked, meeting deidaras mother and coming face to face with the cause of my nightmares. I explained my lies and all the times I stretched the truth the best I could, and he seemed to be concitering it, eyebrows furrowed and his lips pressed into a deep frown.

"May can you hear yourself?" My father looked like he had when I was a child and had told him something was ridiculous.

"I'm not kidding," my tone was unwavering. I wanted him to believe me, to understand.

"I don't have any proof this is true," he said.

"I don't have any reason to lie. I just want to go back. I just want to live that lifestyle again, it was for me, it was my calling," I expressed with more emotion then I'd wanted to. My father looked between us a few times and then sighed. I peeled back my sleeve and showed him the fading scar on my arm, half of it was already exposed, but now the entire thing was out in the open.

"Is there a way to get back?" He asked in a conciterate tone, ignoring my scar. I looked at Deidara for a split second and shrugged.

"I sort of wanted to try the lake again," I suggested, it was my original way in and I had no reason to think that portal had closed. Actually I did I just refused to see the proof in the pudding.

"You'll drowned for real this time yeah, that is out of the question!" Deidara pipped up, sounding a bit frustrated and clearly outraged. I wouldn't have a way to save myself this time.

"I can't stop either of you from doing what you want, and honestly this sound a little bit too far fetched to be true," my dad sighed, " but please don't endanger your life."

I sighed too and then Deidara sighed. I heard the table move and footsteps as he crossed the distance between us. His arms, still as strong and muscular as the day I'd meet him, wrapped around my neck as he pulled my head to his chest and buried his nose in my hair.

I think we both felt the weight lift off of our shoulders. With my dad awake we could now access enough funds to pay for everything that'd happened in the last few days. It felt good, it was how I imagined it would be like if I was a kid again.

"I'm sorry," my fiancé breathed into my hair, I could feel the warmth of his breathe on my neck, "I love you."

"Why are you sorry?" I asked. It wasn't a test, but I think maybe Dei thought it was. I genuinely wanted to know why. In my book he hadn't done anything other than what was natural.

"Fighting with you un, not seeing eye to eye," he responded, sounding a bit strained, almost afraid he wasn't saying the right thing.

"Dei," I said quietly, wrapping my arms around myself to rest my hands on his.

"Hm?" He hummed in response.

"I love you too, don't ever forget okay?" He didn't respond to me, only pulled me closer and buried his face deeper into the top of my head.


	9. Chapter 9

A few weeks after my father woke up, he reassessed himself ready to return to work. He was up and walking and talking, and I was glad for that. The house was little more than a place to dump our depression. No matter how man windows I opened or flowers I brought in from the over grown garden the atmosphere was still heavy.

Deidara spent his time at a job he'd got at a convince store, I surmised it was just to get out of the house while I took care of my mom. She was awake, she'd woken up a day or so after my father, but unlike him she'd probably never walk again. I spent my days trying to take care of her and cleaning. Helping her get in and out of the wheel chair, cooking her meals, calling companies to get estimates for a ramp outside, a chair lift for the stairs, those bars to help herself use the bathroom, everything that went along with it.

My stitches had long since been removed ( with no nerve damage!) and Deidara had removed his own cast, claiming his arm was fine and it had had long enough to heal. Four out of six weeks looked like all I was going to get out of the stubborn blond. As long as he could use it I guessed it was fine.

I'd been learning a fair bit of accounting type stuff from my mom took I had a basic grasp on credit scores, how to deal with insurance companies and how to pay a bill, not to mention balance a check book.

When I wasn't taking care of my mother and the house I was painting. The room downstairs off the living room that had once been a sort of office for my parents became their bedroom and Deidara and I moved into the master bedroom. One side of the larger room was for the bed and dresser, but the other side became a sort of shrine to our work. My once nightstand was now a pedestal for clay workings and a paint palate. Eventually an old sheet had to be put out of its misery to be used as a drop cloth to keep spatter from ruining the carpet.

I was more diligent about laundry now (since I was doing it all) so the floor was otherwise clean, and each work of our art found it's way onto a wall or a shelf, neatly I might add. It was safe to say I'd become my mother.

I was in the middle of a portrait of Shep when Deidara entered our room. I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he stripped off his work shirt and lay down on our bed.

"Long day?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied flatly.

"Isn't tonight date night? We haven't been on a date in forever," I put down my paintbrush in a glass of paint remover and excused myself for a second to wash my hands. When I returned I lay down next to him.

"Where do you wanna go?" He asked, turning his head to look at me. I pressed my lips into a thin line as I thought. Where did I wanna go? Not a movie, not dinner. My lips unfolded from their crease and upturned in a satisfied smilie, this had to be my best idea yet. I knew exactly where now.

"Let's go to Vegas," the thought of it made me giggle. It was completely ridiculous but I was completely serious. I could almost see him pulling up information in his head like a filing cabinet to remember what I was talking about.

"I thought Las Vegas was only in movies," he laughed a bit too, "but yeah, right, that sounds fun."

I could tell by the way he spoke he thought it was a joke.

"No, really, we have a little money, we got our last pay checks from South Carolina, you have last weeks paycheck. We could sleep in my car, take turns driving," I paused for a second to think about if I really wanted to say what I was about to say, "we could get married."

He sat up on his elbows and looked at me very serious.

"You wanna run away and get married?" His eye brows were raised and his mouth parted slightly in disbelief.

"Yeah, I mean, not like were doing anything else," I joked," I'll leave a note if you pack a bag. We can cash the checks tomorrow morning and be there in a few days."

"You really wanna do this?" He asked, sitting up fully now with his right leg on the floor, his left folded under him.

"Now or never," I said firmly. That got him going. He went to the closet and started tearing down cloths and shoving them in an old school bag of mine. I found some of my college stuff on the shelf and wrote a note, telling my parents where we were going and apologizing, and telling them we'd be back soon. We were down the stairs in seconds, bypassing my sleeping mother, and were out the driveway in a few more seconds. My dad wasn't home yet, it wasn't quite five, so it was easy enough to leave.

"I'm so excited, oh my god," I gushed, "I can't believe were doing this."

My foot felt like lead as I got on the highway, heading south. We had three hundred and seventy five dollars, a car with good gas mileage and a full tank off gas and I couldn't give less of a shit about anything at that moment.

I didn't care that Christmas had been non existent and New Years had simply been passed off, I didn't care about the fit my mom would be having in a few hours or the heavy sigh my father would heave. It felt good not to care.

We drove all night on nothing but each other and rock and roll on our radio. At five am we rolled into a grocery store, cashed our checks and bought a big bag of chips. Dei and I shared a favorite flavor of chips, so the choice was easy. What wasn't easy was picking a route to Nevada, there weren't really any road signs besides the ones labeled south west. It was about thirty two hours nonstop to Las Vegas, though with our breaks, distractions and Ill-managed maps, it took about four days, each of us taking turns driving for two hours until we found a place to stop. Some truck stops offered showers, some free overnight parking and almost all of them were close to a McDonnalds. We had no schedule. We pulled off and slept if we got tired, drove though the night if we wanted, held each others hands and threw caution to the wind and the ever changing landscape.

"I think we should go to this red canyon national park first, so then we can roll into the strip at night and see the lights," I suggested from behind a pair of cheep gas station sunglasses. My fiancé, soon to be husband hummed in response.

US 70 had treated us pretty good. The highway crossed America by cutting straight through the center, taking us though state after state of farm land until it dumped us onto US 15. That highway took us into Nevada, an hour and forty minutes away from our first stop.

"On the way back we should see more stuff. Roswell is a real place right? With the aliens?" Deidara asked as he used his turn signal to get over. He'd become so confident, able once again to sit behind the wheel. I laughed a bit before I answered.

"Okay," and it was set, just like that in a fraction of a second. Maybe it wasn't life in Deidara's world I missed, maybe it was just the spontaneous nature if it all.

"Do you think their are jobs where we can travel all the time?" I asked, this was the first I'd spoken of jobs in a long time. I wasn't sure if it would ruin the mood or not.

"I dunno, I guess," it was then I noticed that my handsome blond lover had lost his speech impediment. I'd say something about it later, but not now.

"Let's get one, I love this," I sighed, content this time. I dug around in our car full of trash for the remainder of a two liter and one of those cupcakes with the little swirls on top. It was true that I was sore from being cramped up in the car and it was true truck stops did not have the greatest showers but none of that mattered to me. To a pervious me it probably would have, but pervious me wasn't here anymore.

We arrived at red canyon national park at four, parked our car and stretched for a bit before we hit the hiking trail. As the rocks crunched under our feet we were silent, looking around and enjoying the elevated breathing rates and sights. It was so nice to just be here together, to pretend we were the only people on earth. I held his hand and he held mine.

The dirt was as red as the rocks here, like god himself had taken a paintbrush and went crazy with one of his least used colors. Sometimes you could see for miles and other times it was hard to see up the walls of mineral slab on either side of you. Paths carved out so straight it could have been done with a dull knife.

A half an hour later we were perched on a rock overlooking the dry dusty low lands, about a hundred feet down was sage brush and cacti. With the farthest view we'd found all day this looked like a good stop to break from the hiking trail that only went up. A ways away what I could only describe as mountains sprung up from the flat, the contours and shadows of every rock that aided in it's creation made to look like you could reach out and feel the roughness, like when you pulled your hand back your finger tips would be covered in red chalk. We'd seen a few other people today, but not enough to bother us or distract from nature, something I didn't know I'd liked until today.

"May, look," Deidara whispered, slowly raising his hand to point at something on a close by ridge. Fallowing his finger tip I found a pair of horses skillfully traversing the difficult terrain.

"Oh," I gasped. We'd seen a few signs around asking people not to terrorize the wild life, but I had no idea that included wild horses. Lean bodies covered in clay dust made a mockery of tame horses. The sun set just right, creating light enough to shine over their bodies and cast lanky shadows of them and the surrounding rocks. They moved quick and nimbly though a pass between formations before they disappeared.

"There was a yellow one and a darker one, did you see?" prying my eyes away from the living canvas I turned to my fiancé.

"No, I was just watching them, oh my god, it was so pretty," I answered. That had actually just happened! He didn't reply, a smilie ghosting over his lips, corners up turning until he leaned in to kiss me.

It was short but very sweet, it left me gasping for breathe and I didn't know why. He was still smiling and I could feel it spreading to my face too.

"Come on, it'll take us a while to walk back, it'll be dark at six," he broke eye contact, more like forcing himself to, hopping down from the rock and holding out a hand to help me down. With a twenty minute drive, we'd be there right as the lights turned on.

I could see the glow of the nights before I could actually see them. The first noticeable thing was the miniature eiffle tower and then the billboards exhibiting girls and gambling. Hotels towered an uncountable number of stories high, lit by gigantic pink flamingos and advertising boards. We found time to get out of the car and watch the water show outside Caesar's Palace, grouped with hundreds of other people walking down the street. I wasn't entirely sure what time we resumed walking, it was almost as if time stopped, waiting for us.

It was hard to read everything, signs flashed faster than it took to waste three hours, I'd gotten so lost in strobe lights if failed to notice where we'd stopped. At first I'd thought the flashing red hearts were cute until I read the cursive writing plastered on them. My stomach knotted. The grip on my hand tightened and I knew Dei was feeling the same way.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" He asked me, he sounded like his mouth was dry and his breathe was caught in his throat.

"Yes," I responded, having to clear my own throat before hand just so I could speak.

The neon lights from outside continued inside as I took a seat. This place looked kind if dated, from the seventies maybe, and I wasn't sure if it was genuinely old or if it was a theme. It was pretty early in the night, not too many people around and a fairly short line. My fiancé returnedrom the front desk with a piece of paper and a pair of pens. He flashed me a stressed looking smilie and explained that we were going to fill this out, the chapel was gonna send it in, and it's all set. We'd get our marriage certificate in the mail. I felt my hand shake as I signed my name. Copies of our IDs were made and all of a sudden we were in this room with a conservatively dressed man and being asked if we understood this was real. I guessed this man was the pastor after he started reading off some bullshit about eternal love. I felt somewhere between petrified, mortified and disoriented, my heart beating out of control in my chest. Was it too late for my otherwise blank mind to have second thoughts?

"May," I nearly jumped. Dei was speaking to me?

"I wanted to write you something beautiful, but uh, I didn't like it no matter what I wrote. I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you've stuck by me, were both crazy but you mean so much to me, I know you already know, but uh, I wanted to say it. You light something inside me that's better than any firework or piece of clay. I never want to be anywhere else but with you. Here's to forever," he was smiling weekly as his voice shook. I was on the edge of tears.

"You mean just as much to me," I whipped my eye with my wrist, fighting back tears to finish my vows, "your so, stubborn and, and foreword, and I know you really have to think about doing things for other people, and I love that. Oh god," I gasped, "I would love forever."

He was so gentle as he took my hand, having to let go of the one he'd previously been holding to take something that could only be a ring out of his pocket. He slipped the earth colored band onto my finger and let me admire it a second before he kissed me. Before the pastor man had even said it was okay. I fell apart, salty tears streaming down my face as he crushed himself ageist me. This kiss was so tender, so slow, his lips felt like petals as they pushed on my own, it was quick, just like the last one, and again left me wanting more. My chest could have exploded. The next thing I remembered was standing outside the chapel, ring on my finger with his last name. We faced the street, cars crawling by in traffic, hand in hand yet again. More lights had come on and The Strip was alive, but all I could hear was my heart still pounding.

"We just got married," I muttered, barely audible over the city.

"We just got married," my fiancé, no, my husband affirmed.

"I feel lucky," I breathed.

"I've seen a guy in a movie play roulette," I turned to him just as he turned to me, the look we gave each other describable as awe. The next thing I knew we were seated in some casino, surrounded by people, watching a tiny white ball bounce on a checkered wheel, ticking with every pass of every number. Slower and slower the wheel spun, looking down I counted the number of chips on the black spots on the table, and then the number on the red spots, a few red chips, a few greens, and then a single purple on unlucky thirteen. I looked down to notice we were the only ones out of chips and vaguely remembered getting a couple when we came in. That tiny, round, plastic circle was litterally our last hundred dollars with no way to get it back.

My chest tightened, my mouth was open in a silent scream. This couldn't be happening!

The people all around us shot up, cheering wildly, my attention snapped to the wheel which had come to rest. I felt an arm snake around my waist and pull me close, attached to the same man I'd spend the rest of my life with,

"I think we just won five thousand dollars."


	10. Chapter 10

We had Indeed won five thousand dollars. The lady at the game handed us enough chips to cover the top of our bed at home, adding up all to five thousand. When I asked her where to cash these out I watched her pull a breaker under the table.

"Up front to the right," she told me, eyes looking defeated despite her friendly smilie. I turned away to leave knowing full well we were about to have company. Casinos never actually want people to walk away with money, so they do the best they can to get you to stay and loose it all again. Our company meet us halfway to the cash out counter, clad in a tight pencil skirt and blazer, she looked like she belonged in an office instead of a casino.

"Congratulations on your win, mr, " she trailed off, unsure of our last name.

"Thank you," he pulled me with him as he tried to walk around her, he tried In vain to just ignore her, she refused to allow it.

"To congratulate you, the hotel portion of our business would like to offer you a room for the night on us. It's around one in the morning, I know there are no clocks on the floor," her entire face looked fake right down to her impossibly white teeth. We were irking her, or maybe just worrying her she'd loose her job if we didn't stay, I couldn't decide which. I looked at Dei, pulling on his arm.

"Do you wanna stay?" He asked, leaning in so I could hear him over the other patrons. I nodded to avoid confusion. A free hotel room was a free hotel room. She took us to a staff elevator and up to floor fifty, pulling out a pair of swipe cards, she stopped in front of room one thousand and two.

"Please enjoy your stay," the woman was all but forgotten as we entered the room and flipped on the light. Everything inside was beautiful. The walls were painted a pale yellow color that contrasted with the white ruffled spread on the bed on right wall. A flat screen tv was opposite, a low modern dresser under that. The farthest wall though, was not a wall, from ceiling to floor was one huge window that over looked The Strip. My husband, it felt so strange to say that, turned the light back off as he shut the door, letting the outside neon illuminate the room.

"I think this is the best day of my life," I was ecstatic with heavy eyes, I stifled a yawn as I kicked off my shoes and fought to stay awake as I sat down on the edge of the softest bed I'd ever felt. I litterally sank into it as I lay back.

"I know it's the best day of mine," Dei lay down facing to me, his hair out of his pony tail splayed out behind him. For the first time since I'd put it on I had a second to look at my ring. It was smooth and earth colored, very light in weight but structurally solid. It was simple and plain, poetic in a way few could appreciate. In the center was a clear gem, meant to look like a diamond though it was clearly not, it couldn't even pass for cubic zirconium.

"Did you make this?" I asked.

"Yeah," he responded thumbing over my ring finger and then the ring, then the fake gem "this came out of one of those turn crank things from the grocery store," he laughed, a drowsy look on his face too.

"It's beautiful, I love it," I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to him. I felt him shift and then his weight was was on top of me, when I opened my eyes I could only see his blond hair, his lips on my neck and hands moving down my sides.

"I want to show you how much you mean to me," he whispered. His hands moved lower and lower until I got the idea.

"Okay," I uttered, barely above a whimper. After it was all over, even hours later I was still trembling. I had way too much on my mind besides the wedding and the love we'd just made, no matter how much sense it was making right now. What was the point of even going to sleep now I wondered as I lay on my back. My husband had passed out a while ago but for whatever reason I was still awake. I didn't regret anything that had happened, I know that much, but as I played it over and over in my head I couldn't help but feel bad. My parents hadn't been there, my extended family or friends either but maybe that was a good thing. I wondered if this would have really happened if any of them had been around. I never wanted to go back home, never in a million years. The sun would rise in an hour, and I wasn't going to miss it I decided as I turned my head to right to look out the glass.

"Have you been to sleep yet?"

"No," I responded to the only other person in the room.

"Are you okay?" my husband asked.

"I'm fine." I wouldn't look away from the window, if I looked away, he'd know I was upset.

"No regrets?" He asked. He needed that confirmation for himself I decided.

"No regrets," I agreed. There he was being his sweet, sweet self, working hard to put himself in front of all, and me in front of him.

"It was the sex wasn't it," he sounded like only someone beyond angry with themselves could sound. A self disappointed, hallow tone that made my heart hurt.

"No, it wasn't sex. I've gotta tell you though, that was pretty scary. But no, I'm just thinking about... When we got back from South Carolina, I realized how much I hate it in ohio," I sighed, " and were gonna go running back, catch all hell and who knows after that."

"We have five thousand dollars. We could go almost anywhere," he rolled over so he was facing me. I could almost hear him thinking what to do or say next. He settled for pulling me closer, my hips butting up to his. He tangled his legs between mine, propping himself up on one arm to hold his head in his hand. I wasn't sure when I turned to look at him, but I found myself lost in his ice grey irises.

"We could stay here," I felt like I was asking permission instead of making a statement.

"We could," he nodded. Granted that was gonna take some special kind of crazy to pull that off.

"I don't see why a dashingly, handsome artist and is beautiful, blushing new bride couldn't make it in a city that's all about art and media," I felt like his words had pulled back a curtain, revealing that not only had nothing changed between us, but these hidden stores of hope for us. I rolled my eyes at him. Always so cocky, always so sure of himself. He'd plow though a rock with shear determination if it stood between his stubborn self and something he wanted. One of the reasons I loved him.

"I think you had better just hope I get my period next week," I said with my eyebrows raised. My tone was joking but my words were completely serious. He visibly paled.

"So we put two thousand away, one for us to fall back on, one for uh, accidents," I thought aloud. I dug through the covers to find his free hand to hold in mine. He nodded.

"I should have did something cool, like, for a dress. Or, at least wore something other than capris and a tank top," I told him, stuck back on our wedding. Though planning anything in any way would have defeated the entire purpose of spontaneously eloping. Eloping was not something many people premeditated.

"It was fine the way it was," he scolded as he flopped back down on his back, the mattress so plush he never even bounced. He was right. It was perfect the way it was, I just needed to calm down. Save it for the eventual reception one day.

I realized as a blinked away the blurriness in my eyes that the sun had already rose. My husbands face glowed a calm, pale orange and I swore his golden hair shone like actual gold.

"You wanted to leave just as bad as I did," I made the observation without thinking before I spoke. A sly smilie crossed his face and I knew I had him pegged. That big speech he gave me about responsibility might have meant something before but I think now he was seeing my side of things. We would have been content to lay in that bed forever if the woman from last night wouldn't have barged in fallowed by a maid carrying our breakfast an hour later.

"Good morning," she greeted, "would you like me to arrange for anything as of yet? Perhaps a tour? Though of course activities will not be covered by your stay."

"No thanks, but uh, we do need a few other things though," Dei responded, finding my shirt somewhere at the bottom of the bed and tossing it to me.

I was new to this whole vegas thing, apparently it was perfectly fine to walk in on two naked people and bring them scrambled eggs and mimosas. Not that the mimosas weren't appreciated, but she could have knocked first. I took a decent shower while my husband cashed out our chips and found our car. He paid for another night in paradise and handed our dirty cloths off to a maid to have them washed. I didn't want to know how much this costed. I decided to just let him handle all the money, just like in the past. The lobby had more ATMs than a factory, and I used them to quick deposit two thousand into my almost over drawn bank account.

The next thing we did was go for a walk. We got off the strip but kept to the nicer streets as we searched for an apartment. I hated house hunting. It was hard enough to find something in our price range, in a decent location without using the internet. I was insanely frustrated when I found out how few people would answer their phones. We'd left a few messages and so far no luck. We found a fairly reasonable place over a shop, with a location I liked, not too noisey and that was all fine, but no one was around to let us see the inside and the owner didn't return our call so we could only try again later. I wondered if the phone we'd got from a gas station even had a call back function it was so low tech.

The shop below the apartment had probably been built in the 80s, judging by what we could see through the front window, and by the looks of it empty since then too. As we left to get ourselves some lunch I found myself hoping the apartment had been better kept up.

As we sat down with either half of a sub, the phone rang, and being the one without a mouth full of food I answered.

"Yeah uh, I'm looken' for the guy that called about the studio apartment?" The voice on the other end of the phone sounded raspy, making what I already assumed to be a deep male voice deeper.

"Yes, this is his wife," I responded, "we were wondering about renting it? How much does that cost?"

"It's got a fridge and a stove top, so, seven hundred a month," he returned. I could hear a woman and a kid yelling in the background, I wondered if he was a father. I took the phone from my ear to mouth 'seven hundred' to Dei, who after chewing he reached for the phone.

"Hi there, yeah, I was wondering, oh just a second sweety, I'll be right back," he said, but never moved, he just wanted the man to think he excused himself, "I just got married, and you know how it is, we don't have a lot of money and my wife thinks she might be pregnant," he told him, I felt my face flush, "yes I know that's not your problem, but you've been there right? Right. I can do five hundred."

He paused while the man talked rolling his eyes with an annoyed look on his face.

"No, I can only do five hundred, but I swear on my honor, we will take awesome care of this place," my husband paused again, "right okay, we'll be over in a little while to see it."

He hung up the phone and sat still for a moment.

"When we go look at this house, I want you to tell him you aren't sure if your pregnant, but make it look good," his tone reminded me of last summer, when he was little more to me than a traveling companion and a half asses teacher. He was returning to normal.

Hours later with a new apartment under our control and a cheep bed set being delivered tomorrow, we returned for one last night in paradise at the hotel.

"Is this still fun?" I asked him as I flipped on the tv, looking for a movie.

"It will be," he answered, he lay down next to me and as he got comfortable, I handed him the remote and curled up on the side, resting my head on his chest. He curled his arm around me, hand resting on my neck as he thumbed my cheek.

"You should call your parents, just to tell them your okay," he whispered. I shook my head.

"I don't want them to find us. The note I left just said we were leaving, not where we were going, if they find out where we are, they'll run right out here," I clutched his shirt in one hand and the bed sheets in the other, "maybe in a few days, I don't want them to see us caught in limbo."

"Not to change the subject so suddenly, but can you draw faces from descriptions?" He asked suddenly. I wasn't sure if he was tricking me to get his mind off of it or he was genuinely asking, but it didn't matter. I needed a few seconds to think about it anyway.

It's common knowledge that to paint something, you sort of need to know how to draw it. Paint doesn't just magically float into place, you have to move the brush to construct what you want it too, hence why I drew things out first to avoid guessing and mistakes.

"I've never tried," I told him, not only was it true but I was unsure if I was able too.

"Tomorrow I'd like you to," his voice was getting lower and lower as sleep neared for the both of us. I hummed in response as he shut the tv off. We fell asleep one last time in paradise, knowing tomorrow our own kingdom would start construction.


	11. Chapter 11

As if the gods knew we were trying to make some sort of progress in our lives, it rained the next day as Deidara and I tried to help the people from the furniture store get our stuff up the stairs and through a door far too small for it. After getting completely soaked, not only did we finally get it inside but it stopped raining immediately after.

With the people gone and the windows open, we sat on the floor trying to assemble a bed frame. It called for a hammer and a screw driver, but because neither of us felt like going to get either of those things, we settled for a rock from outside and our fingers. The bed might be the only thing inside our apartment that was actually ours, and it might have squeeked horribly, but it was the first thing we owned as a couple and it was a foot set in the right direction.

Our next purchase was art supplies. My husband insisted he simply couldn't go any longer without sculpting something and I took the incentive to get some paper and a pack of cheep colored pencils. As I arrived back at the apartment, back.. home, and threw him the bag, he brought up sketching by description again. I didn't want to try, but I did anyway, just because he's him.

"Alright," he started and paused, I assumed trying to remember.

"I draw face shape first," I told him, holding a yellow colored pencil at the ready.

"I guess he had sort of a, um, round face shape, he was a small guy, smaller than me, but like not too much smaller height, smaller framed," he began looking a bit more bothered as he continued, stressed maybe. I tried to bare with him, he was horrible and surprisingly awkward at this. I did my best, started with a circle, bisected though the middle, and moved to making a chin.

"He was a skinny guy?" I asked, not able to picture a fat ninja. Dei nodded, slowly kneading white clay with his fingers.

"Eyes?" I asked again. And it when on like that until I was looking at what would eventually be a red headed, brown eyed teenager. I was trying to remember who this was, I knew I'd never meet him but still I knew him.

"Not exactly, can we edit it?" That remark had me groaning.

"Yeah, in a little. Who is this guy?" Really it hadn't bothered as I was drawing, but the more I thought about this person the more I thought about the importance of him. Until I started on the shaggy red hair, I thought it was a younger version of Deidara's father.

"This is Sasori," he told me. Suddenly I remembered the poisons, a few of the stories and that time he'd completely flipped at the college claiming he'd seen his former partner.

"Why are we drawing him?" I huffed. This was mentally exhausting, trying to forum a picture in my head and draw it. One simple thing changed everything else.

"It's getting harder for me to remember. Once I started taking my medicine, I started having trouble, but now I've run out it's almost all gone," he admitted. Like he'd been carrying around a weight on his chest.

"Why didn't you tell me you were out of medicine?" I was astonished that after everything he was off his meds and that it wasn't him that was returning to normal on his own accord. I instantly felt horrible, why hadn't I called my parents, called my dad, when he suggested it?

"I don't want it any more, It makes me feel horrible," he confessed, "I can't remember anything for shit, not even at work. I want to remember my mom, I want to remember our wedding, I don't want to loose everything," he looked quite pathetic, his eyes looked tired, more tired than I'd ever seen him and it'd happened in just moments.

"How long have you been off?" I asked, pulling him closer to me. I hugged him tightly and he did the same. This was probably his second moment of weakness I'd ever seen, the first his emotional break down after he lectured me about responsibility in Ohio. No matter the size, we trusted each other and we were there for each other.

"I took my last the day we left," he admitted, a bit muffled as he spoke into my shoulder. After almost a week with no medicine I assumed he would soon be going into withdrawal if he wasn't feeling it already.

"Let's go get some champagne or something, were still newly weds right?" I doubted alcohol would make this any better. In fact it'd probably make the situation worse, but maybe if I could get him trying to celebrate and feel better, instead of feeling... like this.

"I wanted to tell you something, I know I've never really... I thought about something today while you stood in the door way, swearing at those men," he laughed lightly, "when I was a kid, my dad, who got me started in the explosion core, was killed. That was okay with me and my mom because we hated him, and we celebrated by moving into that house we visited my mother at, and she looked the exact same way, it was so funny. She ripped the boss man a new one."

"Oh god, this isn't a mommy fantasy is it?" I tried to joke, and I could tell he didn't think it was funny, but he laughed anyway.

"This is so bizarre, my life has seriously turned into a mess," he leaned away from me as he spoke, brushing his hair out of his face as he pulled his hair tie out and proceeded to pull it all back. I wanted to ask him if he thought mine wasn't. Since I'd meet him last summer my life had been one bizarre event after the next, but this wasn't about me.

"I wish there was someplace I wasn't completely broke or a criminal," he muttered, flopping back on the bed. His patterns of thought was getting erratic, first medicine, then his childhood and now his entire life was up for evaluation. I chalked it up to the lack of medicine. I figured if he wasn't feeling it he wouldn't have told me about it. I joined him laying down.

"You know kids contradict my entire opinion on art," he started, "kids are beautiful little things but they live longer than their creators most times."

Honestly I had no idea what he was going on about. He sounded drunk but we hadn't drank today. I vaguely remembered him telling me that he'd lost his muse once, when he broke our window, but he'd found it again and probably restored his pervious feelings on art. We'd never spoken about it in depth but I knew he saw poetry in things short lived.

"Are you telling me this because of what I said the other night? I was just kidding, the chances of getting pregnant first try are like..." I stopped talking after I realized he wasn't listening. He'd fallen asleep and I realized that was probably best. I watched him for a moment before I got up, deciding I was going to run myself up to the store and buy a pregnancy test. I had car keys and thirty dollars in my pocket, I found the nearest Walgreens and shelled out for a test and a bottle of coke before driving home. Dei was still asleep when I returned, so it didn't take me long to use the test. I sat in the low light of our bathroom with my head in my hands, waiting, for possibly the longest three minutes of my life, for a little red plus or a small blue minus. I times myself, hitting my finger on the counter as I counted numbers in Mississippies. Finally when I reached ninety I got up, picking up the stick as fast as I could. I shook it a few times before I looked down.

"God damn," I swore, I'd never been so happy to see the color blue. A negative meant no baby. I needed this for me I reasoned, because I'd genuinely been afraid that I'd bring a child into this fucking mess. Because I was vaguely afraid he'd kill it.

I didn't wanna say that to myself, but my husband probably wasn't a safe person to be around anymore. I went back to Walgreens and bought a tiny, cheep bottle of pepper spray. I wasn't sure of the integrity of this stuff, probably nothing strong, but maybe it'd buy me some time to call 911 if I really needed it. I made up my mind at three am that we needed to go back home to Ohio. I beat the shit out of my steering wheel until the car alarm went off. I couldn't believe this.

I wanted to die, I wanted to kill myself and let this all be over. I'd thrown everything away and now I had nothing else to throw, no one else to turn to. I was more stuck than I'd ever been and now I was stuck alone. I had a car and two thousand dollars, and that was it. What has happened to the freedom I'd felt watching wild horses, the freedom that helped me find the courage to get married, which I now felt was the wrong thing to have done. Why didn't I just leave him behind as the portal closed? Why did I have to fall in love with this asshole just before I left the other world?

His mom would have known what to do right now. My mom would have. My poor parents, all I'd done was cause them grief. They didn't even know where I went to, I just up and left with a note that didn't even tell them I loved them. I loved Dei too. I loved him and I regretted every moment of this.

A knock on the passenger side window pulled me out of my thoughts and scared me half to death. I couldn't see anyone, just a pair of red orbs in the distance. I should have locked the car doors, I knew who it was, the source of my every nightmare, he'd chased me this far. I tore out of the car, I needed to go after him. I needed to find a way back. I blanked for a second, only focused on those red eyes and revenge for sending me back here, but when I realized what was happening, I was standing in the middle of the road, dodging an on coming car. They hadn't been eyes, they'd been tail lights. I was simply desperate.

"What are you doing?"

My head whipped around, and there stood the root of all of my problems. He had a jacket on and his long hair laying across his shoulders, his hands held a jacket for me. The car alarm must have woke him.

"Nothing," I muttered, coming to meet him next to our car and taking the coat, "nothing I just needed some fresh air. God you scared me," I sighed, looking at his chest rather than his eyes. It was easier if I didn't look at him. I knew he knew what I was talking about.

"I didn't mean it," he responded and that was all he said.

"I know," I said, not even believing myself. He was about to open his mouth when I spoke over him again.

"I've watched you kill someone in cold blood before, and you scared me, and I was afraid of you for a long time, and I thought it was different now we were here and I wasn't scared for a long time, but after all that in there, I'm scared again."

"That was one time, I'm not," he jumped to his own defense but I wasn't having that.

"You tried to rape me! But I bet you don't remember that, you were drunk! The next morning you held a knife to my neck and threatened to kill me!" I shouted.

"Stop bringing that up! Your acting like I'm the same person I used to be, I'm not!"

"How can you tell me not to bring that up!" I was near tears. I never got upset when we fought, not since...

Why was everything so different?

"I'm safe," he said, and that was all he said. He stood there, just stood there, because he didn't know what else to do or what to say. I heard him suck in a breath of air to say something, but then he slowly exhaled.

I watched him for a minute and he watched me, next to a busy road with head lights illuminating our faces. I wanted to believe he was safe, I didn't want to have to be reassured.

"I know you think I'm dangerous, hell, I think I'm dangerous sometimes, I mean what are we even doing here? But I want to protect you, and I'm going to protect you just like all those times in the past," the words he spoke didn't sound like his words, the cry that came out of my mouth as I crushed myself into his chest didn't sound like my voice. The tears came, and they burned, but I remembered that I never wanted to be anywhere else but with him.

"Please don't over think things, put the past in the past," he tried to soothe, his strong arms wrapped around me.

Over the next few days he would pass though moods of normality that quickly flowed into alien absurdity. It was mostly verbal, he'd mouth off about trivial things for a while, get very quiet, and then walk away like nothing happened. I dealt with it the best I could, it was my job to, I felt, as his wife.

We'd just sat down on some folding camping chairs (ones I'd picked up cheep) to eat when he mentioned going back home, and I knew what he meant by home.

"What about my parents?" I asked between bites.

"What about them? You haven't so much as called them in two weeks," he noted, not looking up from his meal. I didn't say anything else, just put my food down and left the room with the cell phone. I called home and waited as it rung.

"Hello?" Came my mothers voice, a new calm had settled in with her.

"Hi mom," I muttered, a bit upset now I'd heard her voice.

"Oh May," she said, apprehension seized her as she sucked in a breathe of air, "oh I was worried, where are you?"

I was throughly surprised that she wasn't screaming, I could place her emotion best as concerned, but not outraged like she had been in the past.

"Vegas, uh, we got married," I blurted, I hadn't even wanted to tell her that right away, but it happened anyway.

"We sort of figured...after what you said in South Carolina anyway. Where are you staying?" I heard the door shut in the background, my dad had just arrived home.

"Uh, no, we got an apartment, uh," I sighed and thought for a second. I'd been feeling so horrible about all of this, and who cared if I spilled my guts now?

"I'm not even sure what were doing here, and he's off his meds, I don't know what to do," I confessed, "I might as well be alone here," I sniffed, but I decided in a snap I wasn't going to let this break me.

"Do you want your dad to call in a prescription?" She asked, I could hear the tell tale click that switched the phone to speaker.

"No, he won't take he, he says it's making him forget things he doesn't want to forget. Besides he's acting erratic, I don't think I can reason with him," I explained, seating myself on the steps. I heard my dad sigh.

"You two should come back home, May, I thought we had a talk about this," my dad didn't sound scolding, I was an adult now, but he might as well have been and I knew it.

"There's nothing there for us, that's why we keep leaving, but every time we leave we have to run back," I put my head in my free hand, it was my turn to sigh now as I tried to explain. My parents were both quiet for a while.

"We can't wire you money," my mother finally said after the long silence.

"I don't expect you to," I said raking my hand though my bangs, "i just needed some advice."

That had been why I called, right?

"You've got to work it out together. Talk to him about his medication, work it out, don't cry May," my mom tried to soothe, without my voice so much as shaking she knew.

"I won't. I'll call you later okay? I love you guys," I shut the phone as they said their good byes too. Hauling my sorry ass back inside, I walked right past my husband and flopped down on our bed.

"Well?" He asked, I couldn't see him but I figured he was watching me.

"You can have my food," I knew that wasn't what he was asking, but I hoped he'd settle.

"Nice try," he sneered.

"Their okay. Us, not so much," I noted, still refusing to look at him, "we need jobs. Income at least. We need furniture, food, stability," I just let myself talk without a filter, "this is ridiculous if we think we can just keep going like this forever, I feel stupid, I feel ashamed, I'm fucking laying here, and we look pretty doomed from my point of view."

I heard him get up and then I felt his weight shift the bed as he sat down next to me, and proceeded to pull me unwillingly onto his lap.

"I've got some stuff I made out of clay I was planning on selling, I wanna try the lake, the one you fell though, to go back. After the rent is up, let's sell the bed and go there, try to get back though the lake," he held onto me tightly as he spoke, very meticulously and exact in his words even though he repeated himself.

"Whatever," I said, sitting still in arms.

He kissed me, softly and it was welcome, no matter how he acted. He let me know that we were still a team, that we were still doing this together, and with that kiss, that small sentiment, he made me feel so much better.

"When we get back, I promise I'll make it up to you," he whispered.

"Make what up to me?" I asked.

"This problem," he said as he pressed me closer to his chest. I wasn't sure which problem he was talking about. It didn't matter. We were headed home and I was happy.


	12. Chapter 12

The next twenty days saw a few arguments, extensive amounts of fast food and a lot of down time. I amused myself by helping out a middle aged woman next door with arthritis in exchange for chocolate chip cookies once and a while. Brenda was her name, and she was probably the best neighbor we could have asked for. She was always quiet and knew we stayed up long hours and slept in late, she didn't get mad if we yelled too loud at each other, or when I nearly set the building on fire with a long forgotten pot of spaghettios.

Brenda made her money as a psychic, she said she didn't believe in it really, but if she could make twenty bucks then she could tell them something positive to look foreword to, she wouldn't feel bad. Her house was decorated with all sorts of crystals and tapestries and always smelled like incense, she had an obligatory black cat named Jasper and drank dark red wine while I did things her hands couldn't anymore like picking up around the house and folding laundry.

"So your headed back to Ohio?" She Brenda asked as I did her dishes one morning, and I nodded. Our conversations were never serious,

"Yeah, I figure if my parents were around, we'd have more luck and less arguing," I told her, my hands covered in soap, "how'd you know that?"

"Your husband told me," she hummed, taking a sip of her tea. To my knowledge my husband had never spoke to her, but maybe he was getting friendlier. I hoped so. Her cat jumped up next to me, begging for a can of cat food with shinning green eyes, and sighing I set down my sponge to get him some.

"In that drawer there under the silver wear there a black box, I want you to have it, as a present, except I don't want you to open it under your home, alright? It's a surprise and it won't be any fun if you open it before then, alright?" Brenda's tone was happy, maybe excitable and serious, and after feeding the cat I fished the box out of the drawer.

"Thank you, but you didn't have to," I smiled, examining it in my palm. It couldn't be larger than an inch tall or wide.

"I wanted to," she returned, smiling back.

I waited for my period for every one of those twenty days but it never came. I thought I shouldn't think too much about it. All sorts of things like sickness and getting worked up could prevent it from coming, and I knew worrying about it would only keep it away. I kept that all to myself though.

A few days later with our possessions packed up and our apartment contents given to Brenda, we took to the interstate home with a less exciting tone. Getting here had been fun, but now it was different. We did take a detour through Roswell, like Dei had wanted but found it little more than a tourist trap. I couldn't, however, go without matching shirts.

Four days later we arrived in Ohio, though we did not call my parents to tell them we were back. It wasn't a fun homecoming. We didn't smilie as we got off the familiar highway exit, or laugh as we rolled past my street. I was driving that day, and took us directly to the lake. The snow was still melting, but it was an unusually warm spring so the ice was off the top of the water. After parking the car, we hiked though the slush and mud back I to the woods to where'd I'd been swimming that day with my friends.

I hadn't been here since my accident, since the day I meet Dei. I'd almost died here, and I was more than a little afraid. Looking out over the water I realized I hadn't even so much as been swimming since then, at least not someplace I couldn't touch the ground. Looking out over the murky, cold water I couldn't help but feel stupid and hopeless.

"It's frigid," I groaned, "we're gonna get hypothermia."

"No we aren't. It doesn't snow where this lake is on the other side," my husband tried to reassure.

"This is idiotic, what the hell are we doing? Let's go home, do it when it's warmer," I tried to reason with him, and as I tried to walk away he caught my arm.

"No, we're doing this now," his tone was firm and hard. I swallowed hard.

"I'll hold your hand, let's go, come on. Jump in and swim down," he instructed pulling me, but I dug in my heals.

"Come on, what the hell are you doing?" He asked angrily, tugging on my arm a bit harder, "I'm not leaving you here."

"I don't want you to, just rethink this," I tried again to reason but he was beyond listening. He was much stronger than me, still. It wasn't hard for him to haul us into the water.

It was cold, and I hit with a painful gasp. Bubbles ran to the surface. The water was frigid, it was more than frigid, it was glacial. Every nerve in my body stood on end, seizing up in the sharpness of the water.

I felt a tug and realized all that time had passed in less than a second. I moved my arms, though they felt like they weighed a ton, I kicked my legs the hardest I could and I was headed down. My eyes were closed, so I could only feel the pressure building with my face and growing head ache. The harder I fought the water, the more my lungs squeezed. I told myself I had to try a little harder, just go a little longer, we were almost there, but each second that ticked by I found I could stand it no more.

This was impossible. We couldn't do this, we were insane to try. Dei still had a hold on my arm when I decided to stop. My lungs were screaming, my head throbbing and chills over took me, I couldn't do it.

I turned around suddenly, feeling Deidara's body jerk too. He tried in vein to pull me with him, but I slipped out of my jacket and turned around. I had to leave if I wanted to live. I kicked as hard as I could, letting loose more bubbles, this time I hoped of carbon dioxide. The pressure faded away quickly, growing less and less until my head broke the surface.

I gasped and coughed, paddling quickly to shallower water. As I spun around, I searched for my blond headed husband, finding tell tale bubbles before he too resurfaced.

"What the fuck!" He screeched before going into a coughing fit. I sighed, and held out my hand, pulling him with me as I went to shore.

"Why'd you stop? Why?" He tried again to shout at me, but I wasn't having it.

"Don't even! You almost killed us just now!" My lungs were still heaving, so it was a bit hard to raise my voice.

"Go get in the friggen' car," I scoffed, coughing a bit myself. At least I hadn't gotten water in my lungs. I headed back myself, hearing his foot steps on the ground a few seconds behind me. I threw myself down in the drivers seat, wet cloths and all, and cranked on the heat. I swore the ends of my hair were freezing. My husband slid in next to me in the passenger seat.

"I didn't almost kill us," he muttered, trying to wring out his long hair.

"Shut up," I growled, rubbing my arms to keep the chill off them, "this was stupid, I told you it was stupid, you knew it was! But no! We almost drowned just now, or were you not there for that part?"

He sighed, and then I sighed.

I wasn't sure why I ever thought this was gonna be a good idea.

"I wanna tell you something," I looking down at my numbing feet as I spoke. He didn't respond,"I've been waiting for my period for a few days and... more like two weeks. I chalked it up to bring worried about everything and stressed out, but I don't think that's it anymore. I think I really did get pregnant on our wedding night." There. I said it and It was out.

"Shit," he swore. I couldn't look at him.

"I'm scared," I whispered. I faced the possibility of this tiny thing growing inside of me. I couldn't be sure, my first pregnancy test could have been wrong.

"I'm sorry, god damn, I'm sorry," I couldn't read his tone, though regretful sounded pretty fitting. I don't think either of us knew what to say after that, so we just sat.

It was warm in the car now, heat cranked out like the summer sun, and though my cloths had begun to dry I still felt cold. Colder than I had even in the lake.

Slowly, on an impulse I reached around behind me and grabbed the black box that Brenda had given me.

"What's that?" My husband asked, watching me all the while.

"Brenda gave it to me, after you told her we were leaving," I responded, thumbing the smooth cardboard.

"I never told her we were leaving," he muttered, and I look at him very seriously for a moment before deciding to forget it. I decided I didn't even want to know and flipped open the lid.

A crystal greeted me, it was white that faded to a deep amethyst color, and taking it out of the box I discovered it had what looked like smoke trapped inside of it. The crystal had grown perfectly straight and was probably some sort of quartz.

"Is there a note?" Deidara asked and I handed him the box, too infatuated with the crystal to pay him any attention. There was no note.

"Why'd she give us this?" He asked, "it's junk."

"It's not junk," I defended, "she said not to open it until I got home, but I guess we aren't really going home."

I thumbed the crystal over and over in my hands, my eyes locked on it in some kind of trance almost.

"May, " Deidara placed his hand over the crystal, forcing me to look over at him. He didn't say anything for a minute, I could almost see him mulling over what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry and... I love you," he uttered, barely audible. He looked like he genuinely felt bad too. I sighed.

"I love you too," I said, reaching over to hold his hand.

Something crossed my vision then, distracting me from my husband. The car wasn't running but it was on, and something was smoking. Before I even had time to react, the entire cab was full with a thick black cloud. Nothing felt hot, but I found myself choking on the smoke and feeling very light headed. Coughing I reached for the car door, it was clear there was some sort of fire, but it wasn't there. I felt my husbands grip on my hand tighten before it fell limp. I tried to lean over, to see if he was alright, but I was only able to slump over him as I too passed out.


	13. Chapter 13

I could hear a bird chirping in the distance, a cricket off to my left a bit and vaguely I could hear the wind blowing though the pines as I regained consciousness. Rubbing my eyes before I opened them allowed for clear vision as I sat up, using my husbands chest to push off of. He was just waking up too, laying very still for a moment before he joined me in a sitting position.

We hadn't been outside, I knew that much for sure, we'd been in my car, with the tiny box, it was all coming back to me.

Presently it was dark. I was still wet and chilled but I was one hundred percent sure we had returned to the other world. A clammy hand rested itself over top mine, moving my right hand gently so it rested on his left arm.

"Pinch me, just incase," he asked, very seriously for such a silly request. I did as he asked and we both examined the red mark after.

"Is it real?" I asked, he nodded.

If I could have wiped sweat from my forehead, I would have as I heaved a final heavy sigh of relief. No more money problems, no more worrying about furniture or apartments, no more college, no more work, not even the slightest bit of panic about what my parents would think! This was my home, my final answer to it all, and I felt damn good about it.

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Didn't we do that exact same thing when we crossed over the first time?" I asked though giggles. He shrugged. I was dying with laughter in the next second. Something about that was just so funny, but I couldn't place exactly what. As my hysteria died off, I reached out to hold his hand again. Some how in getting here I realized that I'd let go. Resting my palm on his gave me a pleasure nothing else could, that was, until my palm grew wet. I jerked his arm in an excited way, twisting around so I could see just what had caused it.

"They're back!" I squealed, and Indeed the mouths on his palms were back. Restored to their former destructive glory.

"Just that one," he brought attention to his other hand which was void. He then proceeded to reach his hand under his shirt and check for the one that had previously been on his chest. He shook his head.

"Who cares?" I asked, standing up and pulling him with me, "I'm so happy, let's go get something to eat or something, come on, I'm still cold."

"Okay, okay hold on. I need to figure out just where we are," Deidara brushed himself off to waste some time as he thought about it, and thought about what was nearby. I didn't expect him to remember, he knew a lot of things but he didn't have a map memorized. In fact, I don't remember him ever using a map, not even on the way to vegas.

After getting his barring about him again, he pulled me to the left, and we set on our way walking. I couldn't help but smilie.

"In the next town over, maybe you should try another test, you know for," he trailed off, "anyway, I'm gonna try and find us someplace to stay tonight."

"That's fine with me," I said a bit more cheerful than I felt. My nerves were getting the best of me now we were talking about tests.

We couldn't go the same way we had when I first arrived here, instead we had to head the other way across the clearing near the lake and fight a group of bramble bushes to get back to the road. After that we just kept walking until we caught a ride on the back of a hay wagon driven by a kind old farmer and his oxen. After arriving in town Deidara and I walked around, trying hard to pick pocket some of the wealthier looking men, until finally we just picked a man out of the crowd to just take it from. It was my job to run distraction, I just had to walk up and talk to him, but I barely got a sentence in before Dei just straight up took his wallet out of his back pocket and ran.

I pretended to be afraid while the man tried to give chase, but my husband was faster. He'd been out for a while, but he still had all of his ninja skills. He was on top of a building in seconds, disappearing over roof tops. I made myself scarce before the man had time to come back, and meet my husband around the corner in a dark alleyway.

We took his money but tossed his wallet. I wanted to give it back, however Deidara insisted his finger prints were on it and we had to. I had no other choice but to agree to put it in the dumpster nearby, but I did leave his pictures out, placing them on the ground as we left the ally. We walked though a small market before, and each walked off with an apple without the woman running the fruit stall even noticing. We had, however, caught someone's attention.

"Don't look, but someone's fallowing us," Deidara whispered so low it was barely audible. I of course, wanted to look behind me, but caught just as I realized what he'd just said.

"Who is it? What should we do?" I asked, my tone mocking his.

"Don't freak out," he spoke, "I think it's an iwa-er, a shinobi from my village. I think maybe he thinks he knows me. Were gonna take a left up here and try to loose him in the crowd down that street. At the first cross road, go left, I'm gonna go right."

I tried hard not to increase my pace, and found myself watching my feet to stop from tripping I was so nervous. I asked myself why I thought it was so much better here in the first place, it was like I'd forgotten that we spent the majority of our time running from some crazy asshole trying to attack us, except this time, we hadn't had time to get ahold if any weapons. As we reached the crowd, slowly we stemmed off each other. Looking to my side, I could see his blond hair getting farther away until it totally disappeared. He was walking much faster than I was, and I assumed he was trying to use himself as bait. I was getting stressed out, my stomach was doing flips, until I caught the smells coming from a restaurant, and that's when I felt like my guts were inside out. finally I had to completely stop. I ducked down an alley way and fallowed it to the other side where there were less people, and I promptly threw up right there in the street. I had both hands on a brick walls, my head down low trying to hold down my lunch when a man from seemingly nowhere appeared to my right.

"Miss, you look like you could use some help. I'll escort you."

The man was dressed in red, one sleeve of his crimson shirt longer than the other with a brown flak jacket covering it. His headband was tied in a bandana sort of way that covered his hair, but it bore the symbol of my husbands home. I was in some deep shit.

"I don't need your damn help," I hissed, coughing a bit before righting myself, "back off before you get your ass handed to you."

"Miss, please don't cause a seen. Your under arrest," he spoke in the same even tone he had before, firm and commanding.

"I said I don't need any help!" I shouted, and turned to run, but he was much faster. His elbow hit the back of my head, sending me not only crumbling to the ground, but into the dark.

...

When I woke up, I was quite surprised that I was still alive. Immediately I knew something was wrong, there has to be a reason I was still alive. I'd barely sat up to rub the goose egg on the back of my head when a man carrying papers entered the room. He was not the same man that arrested me, but I trusted him no more. I pulled my legs up agents me and backed up agents the wall as far as I could, my eyes never leaving my guest.

"Please calm down, I'm not here to hurt you," the man muttered, reading his free hand in surrender. This man had short, shaggy red hair that matched his shirt sleeved top, small square glasses framed his face.

"Where's Deidara," I demanded, the man looked unimpressed.

"He's in lock down. If you cooperate, we'll let him out," the man paused for a moment to sigh, "look, his finger prints are all over you, so we know your connected, please tell me the truth, nothing bad will happen."

I didn't say anything a as he began his questioning.

"How long have you known him, and how long have you known he's a criminal?" The man asked, I refused to speak.

"Where had he been for the past five years? How many people has he killed?" He asked again, but again I refused to talk.

"Look I know that you know, what, is he plotting a mass take over? Do you know how many innocent lives he's taken?" The man was practically yelling, frustrated with my silence.

"Go to hell," I growled, and I thought for a moment he was going to attack me, until he sighed and relaxed.

"Okay, we can do thus the hard way," he groaned, and closed the gap between us. He reached his arm out and attempted to touch me, and I tried to slap his hand away, but he was on top of me in seconds, pinning me down and pressing his palm to my forehead. I thrashed and screamed, but it didn't do any good.

Within seconds of his touch, I could feel a heat on my forehead, and a squirming in my brain. I realized he was trying to read my mind just as he over took me. Everything he could gave possibly wanted to know was in front of him, but he choose only to look at the memories from before we for my world.

"What are these big black spots?" He muttered to himself, playing our fight with Madara Uchiha over and over. He could only get up until the portal opened, and it seemed to be frozen. He slowly removed his hand from my head and his body from on top of mine, allowing me to finally take the breathes I hadn't been taking.

"What are you doing, why can't I see?" The man accused, but I could only shrug. I realized then he couldn't have seen anything that happened in my world, those were the black spots. That was probably a good thing, the last thing I wanted was for a stranger to see me having sex. He looked at me with a sort of contempt I'd never seen before, threw down the papers and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

I waited just a moment to make sure he was gone before I got off the cot I'd been laying on to look at the papers. Picking them up I saw they'd taken my vitals, drawn some charts I couldn't read, and finally the last paper I picked up held the results of a pregnancy test.

I felt violated, some had touched me below the belt without my consent, and taken something that wasn't even life threatening. I was angry, all up until I noticed the results.

There in bold faced print, the word 'expecting.'

My jaw went slack, my lips forming a tiny o, and I found myself shaking just a little. Oh god, there was my conformation. No more wondering.

I sat on the floor until four men, guards this time, came to get me. The lead me down a hall way, and then threw me into a small, wood paneled room containing a bench, a white door and Deidara's mother, Miku. The guards took a spot in each corner of the room as I went to my mother in law.

"Oh god, not you too," I groaned as I took a seat next to her.

"Yeah, me too, how you feeling? I heard about your, uh, condition," she spoke calmly as she wrapped me into a hug, "Deidara is in that room right now, talking to the Tsuchikage."

"Who?" I asked, never having heard of the term.

"The village leader. There's another civil war happening as we speak, Deidara told me that the village wants him as a solider," Miku sounded bitter was she finished her sentence. My husband? A soldier?

"He can't!" I exclaimed, "he can't, he's already half crazy!"

Miku put her finger to my lips to shush me, looking at the door nervously. It made sense now, why I was here, why his mother was here, and why they'd given me a pregnancy test, we were bargaining chips.

"He doesn't have a choice," she tried to explain, but I wouldn't listen. I wasn't having it. I tore away from her and strode across the room to beat on the door with a closed fist as hard as I could.

"You stupid bastards! Who the hell do you think you are? Were his god fucking family!" I screamed with a cracking voice that threatened tears. This was so unfair!

The door opened ever so slowly to reveal my husband, looking a bit beat and stressed to say the least. His face looked pale with a few bruises covering his face and neck, he'd been stripped of his coat, jeans and black t-shirt and put into an ill fitting grey pants without a shirt. His chest held more bruises, especially where the mouth on his chest used to be, and red marks were clear on his wrist from hand cuffs. His beautiful, blond hair though, his golden lions mane, was still tied on top of his head long and stick straight, and though his bangs had been hacked off, his pony tail still allowed him his pride. I didn't touch him, just stood and starred.

"Hi," he greeted lamely.

"Hi," I returned. His grey irises watched me for a moment, studied me, scanned me for any scrape, bruise or otherwise, but finally came to rest on the hemline of my shirt. No, he wasn't looking at my shirt, he knew too.

"I decided I'm going to war," he said under his breathe, maybe hoping I wouldn't hear him, but instead I exploded.

"No! No, no! You can't go! No! You have to stay here, come on, you can't go to war, your gonna get killed, please stay," I wanted to say more, but I found myself unable though the ugly sobbing.

"I can't," He said quietly, I wanted to know why, but I didn't ask and he didn't tell.

"I want to go with you then! I can fight, I can, I can do it, please take me with you, please," I pleaded, surprising even myself that my words were comprehendible.

"Stop, don't do this please," gently he reached out and touched my soon to be swelling abdomen, "we both know why you can't fight. If I don't go, their gonna kill me and..." He stopped himself before he said it, but I already knew, "I'll be fine, I've been to war before remember? My mom is gonna take care of you while I'm gone,"

"So either way my kid is out a dad?" I threw my arms around his shoulders, hoping I could hold him to this spot with me forever.

"No, I'm coming back," he took my head between his hands and used his thumbs to wipe my eyes, "I told you I would protect you, and I'm going to. I have to go right now, I'll be back to see you before I leave though, alright?"

He kissed me before he pushed me away, a kiss that felt very hopeless to me. As he turned around and walked back to where he'd just came, I wrapped my arms around myself and cried, clutching my elbows and gritting my teeth. One of the men who escorted us here came forward as Deidara closed the door back into the meeting room.

"Don't fucking touch me, don't touch me!" I shouted as he raised a hand to push me out of the waiting room.

"Please don't fight me miss," he droned, patronizing me like I hadn't just received news of a death sentence, like I was just some useless woman.

"I'm his god damn wife, back off!" I commanded, refusing to move, "you stupid sons a bitches, don't any of you realize what just happened?"

"Mei, that's enough," Miku scolded, coming forward now too, "come on, let's go, we've got to get you settled."

She pulled me close to her, pushing my head into her shoulder as she lead the way out of the building.

"Miss! Yeah that'll be the day!" I huffed. I could have spat in their dumb fucking faces if my mother in law hadn't started jabbering to me to pull my attention away from it all. She was talking about cribs and strollers and booties, but I didn't see how we could possibly use those things, how we could possibly move on, without Dei?

"Do you think it's gonna be a boy or a girl?" Miku asked in a disgustingly cheerful tone. Taking my attention away from the road in front of me, I looked at her very seriously.

"I uh... I haven't thought about it," I muttered, "I guess maybe a boy would be nice."

"Regardless, I hope it gets your disposition," my mother in law joked, but I didn't laugh. I was to sad, to angry. we arrived back at her apartment soon after, and I retreated to my husbands old room, which had remained unchanged since we'd been here last. I used my arm to cover my eyes agents the sun light and rested the other on where my baby should have been growing. I started feeling sick again, I thought I might puke again, but I never found myself having to get out of bed. I'd dozed off for a while until the smell of food woke me up, and that did send me to the bathroom.

"Mei, are you alright?" Miku asked, standing in the door way. I wished I could have slapped her. Hell no I wasn't alright.

"May," I choked out I between dry heaves, "it sounds the same, but that isn't my real name."

She didn't speak, she just stood there for a couple more minutes before she walked off. I assumed she was pissed that I'd lied, but with my head in the toilet I honestly couldn't have cared less. I heard my mother in law start her meal, and when the clunking of a fork on a plate stopped, I assumed she'd finished.

"I haven't lied to you about anything else," I called, shifting my position to lay curled up on the floor instead of slumped agent the toilet. Honesty must have been something scared in this household, after what happened to her son and what was hinted at about her husband, I didn't blame her. I could hear her walking again, and her foot falls came to rest again in the doorway. She stood there for a while, but I couldn't see her. I had my back to the door because of the way the toilet faced and I didn't have the energy to turn around.

"Your pale," she spoke in a low, calm tone. Sighing after speaking, she proceeded to throw a blanket over me, and sit down on the floor behind me. She leaned agents the wall, not that I could see it.

" 'm fine," I told her. I didn't want her to worry.

"Your fine but not really," she joked, but again I didn't laugh.

"What was your wedding like? I wish I could have been there," her subject change was very effective. It not only got my mind off throwing up, but I would later realize that she barely knew me.

"Uh, we eloped," I sighed, "just got in my uh... Well, we ran away. All the way across uh, the country. It's how I ended up with this," I told her, patting just a bit lower than my stomach.

"That sucks!" She laughed, a bit obnoxiously too, but I didn't blame her, I'd laugh at my dumb ass too. And it did suck. This really sucked.

I felt draned, physically and emotionally after today. I felt like I couldn't even lift my arms or move my legs. I still felt like this was all a mistake. I had yet to realize that I was still broke, still living in someone else's house, with a baby I wasn't ready for on the way.

"Don't worry about it though, I want you guys to stay, I really hate living by myself," she moved my hair out of my face and patted my shoulder as she spoke. I sighed again, still not completely convinced.

Miku got a few minutes later, claiming she thought she heard something. Just as she made her way to the door, I heard it too, a knock. She stopped mid stride and came to close the door on me, blocking me from view. I knew it was either one of two people, a government man here to kill us, or Deidara. I heard the door open, but I found myself still unable to move to see.

"Hello mother," Spoke a voice I could never mistake.

"Hello," Miku returned, and I wonder if they paused to hug. His mother was just that sort of person. I felt like maybe they were talking about what was happening, and I was a bit pissed that I wasn't included. Im a big girl, I could know things.

"She's in the bathroom by the way," Miku sounded like she was instructing him as he pushed open the door, and then closed it behind him. Before I could turn around, he was pulling me up and kissing my cheek and wrapping me in a tighter hug than I'd ever felt.

"I'm sorry your sick," he whispered as I found my footing. He looked a bit bittersweet as he smiled at me.

"I'm okay," I smiled back, until I realized just what was happening.

"I want to know what happened in that room," I said grasping his shirt. He was going to leave again, I knew, but not before he told me how we got into this mess.

"This village has changed so much. The old man that used to run the place died and a civil war broke out, but now the loosing side is still pretty pissed I guess. They want to use me as a weapon, I guess the bounty for my capture was higher than it ever was just after we left, that guy you pushed though the portal ran his mouth," my husband explained.

"Why do they want you alive though? Arn't you a criminal?" I asked, still having trouble putting together the pieces.

"I guess anyone ever wanted by the government was put on a list, dead or otherwise. They need solders, and fast, because of how many they lost," he was oddly talkative and calm I noticed. He was going to war and he didn't even seem afraid? I looked for the answer in his eyes, and found it in his dilated pupils. He was drugged, just enough to keep him calm.

"I still can't understand how your going along with this," I sighed, but that was a lie. I knew what he was going to say before he even said it.

"Because they were going to kill you. They were going to kill you both in front of me and then force me to fight anyway. Why do you think you were both together? I don't care what they did to my hair or how hard they hit me, I couldn't stand for something to happen to my family," he finished and I marveled at the transformation he'd made. When I first meet him he only cared about himself, he'd of rather killed me than anything else, but now he was willing to risk his life for my sake. He'd been a survivalist, but now at twenty four, he had an entirely different set of priorities.

I played over the last day in my head, but from his point of view. He didn't say it, but where ever they'd held him they beat him, and tried to humiliate him, to wear him down before they gave him an ultimatum. I couldn't even begin to think about how he must feel right now. Explaining himself to his wife who carried his child. Both of which, he might never see again.

He stayed the night that night, but was gone when I woke up the next morning.

I held back tears when I realized he'd left without so much as saying good bye, but he was coming back, right?


	14. Chapter 14

The second month of my pregnancy was the first month my husband was gone. I wasn't getting fat, yet, in fact I wasn't even showing, but the morning sickness persisted. I found myself unable to eat, I couldn't stand the smell or the taste of anything besides white rice, which smelled and tasted like nothing.

If changed my outfit once again, since I couldn't really wear my jeans every day. I wore simple black leggings and a tunic style, wine colored shirt most days, however, I was required to wear one of those house arrest ankle bracelets even though I wasn't on house arrest. It didn't much bother me though, the village officials didn't bother me, and I didn't bother them. I was free to move around and that was all that mattered.

I felt a desperate need to put some of my own things into the space I now inhabited though. I had a little bit of money, given to me by the village as consolation for taking my husband, so I figured I needed some stuff of my own. I purchased a few magazines, seeing as I was going to have to teach myself to read, some cloths, and some candy before I walked past a crummy old store that sold stuff for babies. I shifted my weight from foot to foot before finally deciding to go in.

I wanted this baby that I was carrying, despite if I was ready or not, I decided as I pushed open the door. A bell rung as I entered, calling immediate attention to me. A store clerk approached, but I politely told her I didn't need any help. The decision to keep the baby made it feel like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I wasn't keeping it because I had to, but because I wanted to, and I could have cared less what my husband, his mother, or anyone else thought about it.

I was walked past a purple blanket just then, and after deciding purple was a gender neutral color, I bought it.

This village was very unique, no two places I'd seen looked just alike, so all I had to do was remember the land marks is seen in reverse order. I was about half way home when I noticed a large black cat sitting in the middle of the road. People stepped around it, cursing at him and threatening to kick him but he never moved. His large, piercing, green eyes seemed to look through me as I got closer. I knew those eyes, and after thinking or a moment I realized where I remembered them from.

This was Brenda's cat.

He rubbed his body against my leg and purred before he put his paw on my leg , meowing loudly to get my attention. I couldn't help but put my hand down to pet him. I scratched his head and down his neck before my fingers caught a chain around his neck. Slowly pulling it off, I realized the smokey quartz crystal had been gifted back to me. I pocketed it and picked up the cat, thinking I could take him home, but he promptly used my ribs to kick off like a rabbit, jumping out of my arms and running off down the street. I didn't chase it, I didn't feel like I should.

This explained a lot. Brenda had been the catalyst of this all. She'd set us back here because, somehow, she knew we wanted to go back. She'd always told me that she didn't believe in psychic abilities, she told me she gave predictions to make a living, but looking back I guess I never asked for a prediction.

"Huh..." I said, and sighed. It was getting late and I returned home without any further events.

Miku had already eaten when I arrived, and my bowl of rice was sitting on the table, a napkin over it to keep it sort of warm. The shower was running, so my mother in law was in the bath. I ate slowly, to avoid having to barge in on her, and then went to my room to put things away.

Every drawer in every piece of furniture in my room was full, I discovered. Full of cloths, papers, weapons, drawing, hunks of dry clay, I swear, the younger version of Deidara must have been some kind of hoarder. He and I were relatively the same size, and many of the cloths were too small for either one of us to fit in. He'd left home around sixteen, and I never would have imagined a person, especially me, could have grown so much in a few years. I realized it was just a few years ago for me, Dei was older than I was. I folded the cloths and made a note to myself to give them away tomorrow. Stashed in the bottom drawer I found a bunch of porn magazines, much to my disgust, and they promptly went in the trash. With the dresser cleaned out, I could put my cloths away, but decided I'd have to pick my husband up some things for when he returned home, and he would be returning home.

In the last drawer, I put the baby's blanket. In the next I put my cloths, the next I left empty for my husband, and the top would be for socks and underwear.

I tackled the three drawer, dented topped, metal desk next, finding more hunks of dry clay and more drawings. The entire top drawer was half full of weapons, so I decided that's where they'd stay, and the others I'd found joined them. Art supplies in the second, and I left the bottom empty. The clay hunks I gathered together and put in a large bowl of water, figuring if I let it sit long enough it'd get soft again.

"You doing okay?" My mother in laws voice had me twisting around to look at her. Her hair was still wet but she looked like she was ready for bed.

"I'm fine, just cleaning up. Are you doing okay?" I returned, getting up off of my knees where I'd been cleaning up under the bed. I stood up and came to face her and not two seconds after my feet landed on the floor was she hugging me, tighter than I felt comfortable with.

"I'm fine too, I just wanted you to know though, I'm sure if you wanted to uh.. Give up, Deidara, uh, we wouldn't blame you. I'm sure he'd be okay with it, I mean, before it's too late," she trailed off. I was quick to inform her of the decision I'd come to this afternoon.

"Uh, yeah, no, I'm gonna keep it. I uh, I just... Want it?" I told her, I had no real reason why I wanted it, I wasn't going to just keep my baby because Id feel bad for getting rid of it or because I felt like I should, I genuinely wanted the baby.

"And your sure?" Miku asked again, holding my hands and squeezing them tightly.

"I'm sure," I affirmed, nodding. Miku gave me another tight hug, kissed my cheek and left the room.

I supposed that it was just her personality. I didn't know Miku that well, but I was quickly learning that the friendly woman was very touchy feely, not that that was a bad thing, I just didn't know her that well.

I got back down on my knees and took the smokey quartz crystal from my pocket, running my thumb over the smooth surface, and then hid it under the bed, laying it gently on the floor in the dark and hopefully safe space.

The next few days remained uneventful, however on Tuesday of the next week, I received a letter, addressed solely to me. The author was not marked, however a seal has been nicely placed on the back of the envelope with the emblem of the village. It was either from my husband or from the village counsel, and I wasn't sure what the lesser of the two evils was.

Opening it, I was pleased to find it was in fact from my husband, checking in to tell me that he was alright. He told me how much he missed me, asked how I was feeling and told me a little about what he was doing, running diversions and killing people, you know, the usual. He asked that any letters I send to him be taken to the warfare office, I suspected so I couldn't go chasing after him. Finally, he said good bye, and told me he loved me, and asked that the letter be destroyed after I was finished with it. I looked the letter over a few times, flipped it over and scrutinized the envelope, though I found nothing that might indicate how he was feeling or how he was doing, besides the information about his job, he hadn't said much.

The bottom of the page cough my attention though, scrawled two words in very faint pencil, though I couldn't make them out. I assumed they were baby names, but I didn't linger on it. I called Miku over, let her see the letter, and then tore it up after reading it to her. I'd forgotten about the writing barrier, and added learn to read to my list of things to do.

I wondered vaguely if this letter had been from Deidara at all, maybe this was some sort of inception shit, maybe they'd copied his writing, or had him write it before they killed him, I wasn't sure. I didn't honestly think that was the truth, but it was hard to keep my head from thinking up all sorts of crazy scenarios.

"Well, it was nice of him to write," Miku smiled, sighing lightly and pulling herself back into her happy personality.

"It was," I agreed and left it at that.

I was now forced to realize that not only did I have no freedom, but I had no choice in any important matter, possibly from now on. I started thinking about last summer and how that hadn't mattered to me then, but the older I grew the more I realized that control was important.

That night I ate my rice in silence, and strangely, Miku mocked me. I couldn't help but feel a little bad that her only son had written to his wife and not his mother. Sure I felt like if lost someone, but she'd been feeling that way a lot longer. I decided it was better to try and aprich her the way she had me, talkative and cheerful.

"Uh, I was gonna ask you, did you need anything? I still have money left over from uh..." I trailed off, unable to think of the words now that I was on the spot. She didn't seem to mind.

"A trip to the farmers market might be nice," she chirped. I smiled at her a bit awkwardly and went back to eating, though she wasn't finished with the conversation.

"I just," she paused, "my son has always had a certain, um, fixation with things. And I know that neither of us wanted this to happen the way it did, but I'm glad to have you as a daughter in law. I'm glad he fixated on you."

I wasn't exactly sure what brought that on, but I was glad she said it. We were both working hard to break down walls, we were strangers to each other and we had only one thing in common. It was easy to admit we were related, but harder to say that we were family. I decided laying in bed that night, that if I was going to have a baby, and I was, that Miku wouldn't be a bad person to have when the time came and everything was said and done. I was slowly drifting off to sleep, my eyes were closed and I felt that warm, fuzzy feeling when your just about to fall when a huge boom outside my window brought me back from the brink.

My heart beat wildly for a moment, confused and disoriented as the noise continued. I was up and redressed in seconds, and I immediately went to the desk to grab myself a hand full of throwing knives. Throwing open my bedroom door, I found my mother in law, wrapped in a robe, standing in the front door. She had her back to me in the unlit room, it was quiet for a minute, and then light sprung foreword from nowhere, illuminating the darkness.

"What's going on?" I asked, but another loud boom droned me out. It sounded farther off now. Touching Mikus shoulder, I passed by her to stand outside.

The house we lived in was held up in the air by chains anchored on rocks that stood taller than rock wall around the crummy village, so it was easier to see just what was going on so far away. I was horrible at judging distance but I could make out a light on a mountain peek a few miles away. The side of the mountain was on fire I noticed first, and the second thing I noticed was the white birds circling it like carrion. The booms we'd heard were bombs, a battle was happening right in front of my eyes. Another boom wracked the area and the fire flared and I noticed I wasn't the only one drawn out of my house.

"What should we do?" I asked, turning to my mother in law. She looked at me fearfully for a moment, and then turned back into the house.

"Come back inside," she urged but I shook my head. I wasn't sure if she realized the risk of living in a house made of the adobie like stone material, but if the chains broke, we'd both be dead. I decided to stay outside, watching the fight intently though I could hardly see. Miku informed me the power had gone out, apparently it was very temperamental, so while we sat up all night, we were forced to do so in the dark. I was hours watching the blaze, hours watching seemingly nothing and listening to explosives in the distance. Never once did I think about my husband, not once until the sun crested over the hills and the wounded were being carried in to the hospital.

"Darn it," Miku cursed, if you could call it cursing, from the kitchen and drawing my attention from the distance for the first time in hours. The power remained out and she was unable to cook her breakfast, so eventually we ventured out into the streets.

The village had been buzzing for hours. It seemed no one had gotten any sleep last night and then both ninja and civilians had gone to do something this morning. It was a hassle to even walk down the street today with everyone rushing around. I noticed most people carried bags of groceries, and made a verbal note of it to my mother in law.

"It's gonna be just like last year," Miku scoffed, "they said the war was going to come inside the village and everybody freaked out, prices for everything went sky high, and then it did come to the village, for one day and it was all over. People are so stupid," she complained. How was she so calm about this?

"I'm gonna hang back okay? I'll meet you at home later," I sighed, feeling a bit sick now that we'd reached the restaurant. I handed her the rest of my money and left, if she spent it all who cares, I was fairly sure I'd be getting more next month.

"Can't even eat a damn decent meal," I huffed, quite annoyed with my own body. Why'd I always have to get sick? I kicked a wadded up piece of paper out of my way as I continued down the street. Shrugging it off, I decided that if I wanted a baby this is what I had to deal with. The wad of paper rolled off, going a bit farther than I had intended, and rolled under the belly of a skinny horse it hitched to an empty cart.

What got me most about this world was they had all of the modern technology we used back home except for cars. For some reason people used oxen and horses, and that baffled me. The horse seemed uninterested, like he hadn't even seen me until I had almost completely passed him. He nickered softly to me and I turned around to pay him some attention.

I was petting his head softly when I got an idea to test my abilities, wondering if I'd kept any of them from the journeys back and forth. Quickly I summoned chakra to my hand and stroked his face and then gently touched my right ear, unsure of where I should be focusing. I paused for a moment, petting him softly before I spoke.

"Hey there big guy," I said softly, worried I might scare him. I waited for him to respond and for a long time he didn't. I was about to walk away, deciding that it didn't work anymore when he snorted, shook his head and spoke to me.

"Don't you remember me?" He rasped, his tone so sad and his voice so tired. He held his head below his shoulders, as low as he probably felt.

"I don't, no," I mumbled, there were a million horses around here, how was I supposed to remember one?

"I'm Jiro," he sighed, snorting again.

"Oh!" I exclaimed excitedly, "I didn't recognize you!" He was so filthy I wasn't sure how anyone could.

"What happened to you?" I asked, looking around for his new owner. This part of the street had dramatically reduced the amount of people here, and those that still lingered weren't paying attention.

"Well, after you left, the old couple died, and I got sold a few times," he said simply. He was skinny when I had first meet him but he was skinnier now. As I started undoing parts of his harness and dropping them to the ground, I wondered if starvation and neglect were a reoccurring theme in his life. Not that I was huge into horses, but I felt like this was something I had to do, for a friend, if you could call him that.

"What are you doing?" He asked, looking around at me as I dropped the arms of the cart from his side.

"I'm rescuing you! Come on!" I commanded, taking off walking down the street as if nothing had happened and I hadn't just stolen a horse. Jiro of course came with me willingly, not because he had any concept of what was going on, but because I told him to.

At this point I was unsure where I should take him. It wasn't like I could fit him in Miku's house, but I couldn't have just left him there. Still a bit scared someone had seen me, I zig zagged down some side streets and squeezed him though some alleyways before I decided to get on him. I didn't have any real riding skills and I was unsure if I could kill my baby if I fell off, but I decided it would look better than tugging a loose horse along by his mane.

"How do I steer?" I asked, nervously shifting weight on his boney back. He groaned a bit, putting his head up a little more and shaking his mane he answered,

"Use your legs."

And so I did, cautiously and nervously nudging him along down the street. the best thing I could think to do was let him loose, but I knew better. A horse couldn't survive in the wild if it was born in captivity. So I wondered maybe if I could just leave him in a field somewhere and just check on him. I waited until I'd left the village gates before I started talking to him again, just so I didn't look quite so crazy.

"So, I'm gonna see what I can do for you, I'm kind of short on cash, so, would you be offended if I found you some grass and left you out here?" I asked, leaning down on his shoulders and peering around to his face as he plotted along. He seemed to consider it for a moment.

"I suppose not, but how will I know where to go and where not to go without a fence?" He asked, turning his head to look back at me.

"Well, I mean, I guess you wouldn't, but that's okay," I patted his neck after speaking, flashing him a smilie. If he would have been a person he would have cocked an eyebrow as he turned and looked away. He carried me on a little further until we reached a grassy place never a small stream. Dismounting I looked around and decided this was as good a place as any.

The grass was thin and wispy, the soil having no real nutrients for it to grow, but the water ran clean and pure here and a ways away was a forest for him to wander in.

"Here you go buddy, all set," I told him, giving him a few scratches on his neck.

"Will you be back?" He asked, holding still to enjoy the petting.

"When I can, I'm pregnant, so," I sighed, "don't worry about it though, we'll see each other again," I assured. He nodded, seeming to be in much better spirits than when I rescued him, and walked off to graze.

I felt good bringing him out here, he could spend some time being a horse now. I wasn't entirely sure what the difference between letting him go and letting him loose here was, but I tried not to think about it too hard. It didn't matter that much, all that mattered was that he had food and water. I started on my way back, feeling right with the world.

Now being forced to walk back myself, I wondered if I still had my blood contract with the deer. In the past my cervine friends had carried me up and down a mountain and retrieved items for me, and that was pretty sweet. I got excited for a moment on the hope I could see see Akimitsu again.

My next few days were uneventful. I found that no matter how little I did I was tired. I watched a lot of TV and began teaching myself to read. With no one here to reteach me hand signs, I'd had to reteach myself that. Miku was always around and always willing to help me learn one of the over three thousand letters in their alphabet. I began learning them in sets, writing them, memorizing them until I had a pretty good base. It would take me the rest of the month to learn it completely though.

For the first time since id been married and even before that I had a little bit of money to my name, a relaxed life style and a home in a culture where it was encouraged to let family live with you and to have children. Sure it was also kind of male dominated, but that didn't bother me as much as it probably should have. I hoped it'd be just as smooth sailing from here on out.


	15. Chapter 15

I was about ten weeks along, half into my third month when I was competent to enough to start reading up on ninja skill, but I was cautioned by my doctor that I shouldn't be using any sort of ninja business at my first check up. I took to studying instead, and walking out to take Jiro the horse treats sometimes.

However, sometimes at night the battle that happened nearby still had me bothered. I decided one day to ride out to have a look at it. I had no way of knowing if my husband had been involved that day. I never got a notice of him being hurt or killed but I received no more letters, though I had written a few myself.

Since letting him loose, Jiro had not only gained weight but a better body condition over all and he was much nicer to ride on now that I actually had a place to sit rather than balancing on his spine. We talked idly as we walked until we finally reached the battle field. I could smell it before I began seeing the charred flora. Sulfur, black powder and some other earthy smell I couldn't place permitted the air. There was a very clear line of healthy, growing plants and those charred and burned, and crossing the line was like a thresh hold. Everything had been blown to pieces, even the trees had nothing left but the ghost of a stump in the ground. I wondered vaguely how many family's got a body to burry after this fight.

"Looks pretty barren," Jiro noted. The area was quite litterally leveled off straight, everything except for the dirt. Craters littered the ground, some of them so deep I'd been afraid to go down inside of them.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"He was here?" The horse asked, referencing my husband. He seemed too unintelligent to be able to remember a name other than his own, so he simply referred to Deidara as Him.

"I don't know," I muttered, giving him a pat on the neck, "I'd like to ask around."

We wandered further into the forest, so deep I was sure no other human had ever been here, though that was probably a stretch. I touched both of my ears, hoping to increase and fine tune my hearing to comprehend the words of any animal we might come across.

My first attempt to talk with a song bird left me with split ear drums and my second attempt to speak with a rabbit meet its end before I'd even finished my sentence. Third time must have been the charm because my last attempt to speak with a raccoon dog ended in success.

"I'm just interested to know if you've seen any large white birds in this area, ones related to the fire?" I asked, trying to stay polite. The tanuki was a bit weary of me, but replied anyway.

"Lots of 'em, with people ridden' on 'em, but not since the fire went out."

"Do you know anything else?" I asked.

"Lot of 'em blew up with the people still on 'em. Lots more didn't," he munched on some sort of nut as he spoke, making his words slightly hard to understand.

"Do you know who won?" I felt sort of stupid now, I was giving him far too much credit.

"Some people camped here, n' then some other ones showed up, started screamin' bout gov'ment, whatever that means, and then the fire started. That's all I know," he then expressed that he had to leave, and scampered off.

On the way home I thought hard about what could have possibly happened. We're the rebels the ones camped there and the new government guys attacked or was it the other way around? I knew going into this there was only so much I could gather from wood land creatures, it I sort of expected more. I made a vow that today would also be the last day I spoke with the animals, any animal, remembering what my doctor said.

I had just marked off my eleventh week when I received another letter. This time it was from the village, addressed to the misses of the house, which could have been either one of us. I let Miku open it, but when she found it written in English, she handed it over to me. I read it out loud for the both of us.

"I hope you and my mom are doing alright. I can't tell you much more than that I'm safe now. May," I cleared my throat, "they keep telling us that it will be over soon, but I'm not getting my hopes up. I love you, good bye."

He never was good at English and it was unbelievable he did such a good job writing it. I assumed it was for privacy reason, only he and I could read it. I shredded the letter after reading it a second time. It was such a short letter, and though the paper was folded, it wasn't dirty like I thought it would be.

Something about the shortness of it was strange. Miku passed it off as him being busy, but something about it just didn't seem right.

* * *

Camp was dirty, discussing and unpleasant to say the least.

I couldn't stand the guys I worked with. I knew as soon as I got here that it was gonna be some sort of pissing contest, every one of these assholes had to show they were tougher, more macho, more bad ass than the next. First it was just verbal spats and then it turned into all out fist fights, and I wondered if we are going to kill each other before the rebels did. For me it started like it usually did, smart remarks about my long hair, my gender, about how short I was or how skinny, and then it escalated. I found cum once in my supplies bag and then another time somebody threw water on my clay bag, making it unusable for the new few days until it dried guys were bullies. They went out of their way to annoy other people, and it wasn't like anyone could reprimand them.

My ears rang so loudly from the last battle, I almost couldn't hear the insults being thrown at me now as I stuck to my own little corner of camp best I could. They had a few higher ups watching us just to make sure we didn't fuck anything up, but with three people dead just from a single night of arguing over a glass of literal spilt milk I didn't have high hopes for us.

May always told me that I was hot headed, but I never thought so, not until I started using the majority of my energy getting back at my so called team mates. Exploding spiders in their food, flash bomb owls, little stuff that I used to prove my art better than anything they could throw at me.

Though, no matter how long I bussed myself, I eventually had to face the aching loneliness I felt.

It was sort of a new feeling. Never in my life had I gotten the desire to see someone, especially a woman, like I had the desire to see my wife. For the first time in my life I wanted to go back to my mothers house, spend time with the both of them. I felt horrible. If they never caught May, if I never split up from her, I never would have ended up here. Right now she was pregnant and I was missing it. This was all my fault and I couldn't even be there to hold back her hair.

"Deidara, letter," the voice of my commander brought me out of my thoughts. He was a red headed, stuck up, four eyes that was pretty much a waste of space, he'd tortured me after I'd gotten caught though, so I was more than bias. I narrowed my eyes at him as I took the pink slip of paper from him and I watched his every move as he left.

Currently I was sitting on the ground and leaning against a tree away from the rest of the guys, so I dreamed it safe enough to let my guard down to read.

The envelope was a pastel pink, something my mother probably picked out. My name was written in such a way I knew it couldn't be my mother. It was sloppy, not written in a straight line, like a kindergartener wrote it, and thinking about it a little more, I realize it was my wife's writing.

Tearing open the letter, I pulled out the starch white page inside and started reading.

Half of it was in the same messy writing, a few words of English thrown in where she didn't know the word she was looking for, the other half written completely in English. The Japanese portion explained in very simple words that she was learning to read and write, and that made me happy, though I wished I could have been there to help her like she was there for me. The second part of the letter was much more detailed.

She told me how much she missed me, how much she loved me, and at the bottom was a red lipstick mark that reminded me vaguely of a pair of lips. My wife never wore lipstick. She'd gone out and bought lipstick just to kiss a piece of paper and send it to me.

Turning the letter over in my fingers, I found a small drawing on the back of what must have been us on the back. It wasn't very detailed, but the bump on her body and my ponytail were the most defining features. She loved me, I'd always known that, but I found that I was having to remind myself more often than not. This was not a worthless war, this was a war for her. She loved me and that, and just that was enough for me to make it worth it. This fight, no matter who I killed, no matter the effects, no matter what it did to me, was worth it.

* * *

Week twelve was probably the hardest. I'd fallen into some hormone induced, depressed mood swing and nothing seemed to help me. All I could think about was my baby and my husband and about how horrible of an idea this was. It wasn't too late to get rid of it I decided, but then I fell into a horrible sobbing fit over the baby.

My mother in law tried to console me, but it didn't do any good.

That month when my money came, a marriage license came with it and so did a card with 'the village' listed as its sender. Every time something came I always thought it was something telling me my husband was dead. Every second I wasn't tearing open the paper and reading what was happening I thought I might go insane. When I finally did open it, I was very surprised.

In the letter enclosed was an invitation to a pardoning dinner for pervious criminals who were at war right now, however I had no intentions of going. I handed the letter over to Miku and asked her to go in my place. I had no intention of going anywhere near these pompous assholes that threatened mine, my mother in law's and my husband's lives. Miku seemed to accept the corruption, she acted like it was no big deal and agreed to go in my place.

Depressed and angry were a horrible combination, the woman running public records would come to find out. I demanded all the information of the Akatsuki the village had access too, and when she refused, I exploded.

"You dumb bitch!" I screeched, "it's not even that big a fucking deal! Could I just have the son of a bitching papers?"

The woman sitting behind the desk paled, I watched her glance at her desk phone and then to her computer monitor. For a second I thought she was going to call security on me but instead she sighed and started typing.

"Your not supposed to be back here, so we'll know if you steal anything," she threatened, "Next time you need something, try holding your tongue. Your husband isn't the only one at war," she spat, writing something down on a piece of paper. She instructed me to fallow her into the restricted section, and once we reached it she handed me the paper and walked away without another word in a huff.

Retrieving the necessary files from the many cabinets, I sat down, leaning against the wall and started reading. Much to my distain, Deidara was apparently the only one left alive in the organization, though something even more surprising was the information on Madara Uchiha, who was supposedly long dead by the time we encountered him, and made it apparent whoever it was, was impersonating him. I read something I couldn't understand very well about the person called 'Tobi' and a dimension hopping technique and how he was killed in some great battle. I'd watched him die, so clearly this information was incorrect. I wondered how many other people had been supposedly put down but still lingered somewhere, hiding, just like my husband was when I found him.

I continued reading and found something on my husband former partner, Sasori, and some of that crazy shit just blew my mind.

The more I read the more I realized how horrible of a person my husband used to be. I was once again reminded that he was not a valiant knight in shinning armor, he was an outlaw trying to well for himself, and by extension, me. I knew he was a killer, but I had no idea he'd kidnapped and killed the leader of another country. Not that it particularly stood out anymore, I'd dubbed him mostly safe already, but that was some gutsy shit. This really put things into perspective for me, it was a horribly big deal that they were pardoning him, I knew it was a joke, but it was a good joke.

And as much as I hated to admit it, I understood why they wanted him to fight.

I swallowed my pride as I left the records room and apologized to the lady. After I took myself home and thought about things a little longer. I had to go to that dinner. For once I had to suck it up and be an adult.

* * *

I'd been awake for some time now, dreading actually having to get up.

It wasn't my turn to stay up to watch over our large group, but I was so nervous my body wouldn't let me sleep. My commander, the red headed asshole with glasses had gotten called away somewhere and left us with the second in charge, a push over short guy with no confidence. Needless to say we walked all over him.

Currently he was tired to a tree and we were taking turns watching out for the group.

We were united in the fact that we were all criminals and we all agreed this was bullshit, but we could not reach consensus about anything else. We sent the entire day arguing about battle plans and breaking up fist fights, so focused on each other the enemy could have jumped us at any minute and we would have had our asses handed to us.

My ears still rung, so loudly it hurt.

I reminded myself this was the reason I took medication in the first place, because I couldn't sleep, and kicked myself for being such a close minded idiot. If I would have refilled my prescription, I might have been able to make my pills last this long, but no, here I was, exhausted and unable to sleep with my mind racing faster than... Faster than something, I couldn't concentrate or think straight about anything.

Somehow, without anyone noticing him nearing our group, a man appeared in the middle of our camp and I was ready to make a mad grab for my clay when I realized it was my commander. Upon noticing what became of his second command, he signed, pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. After he rousted the entire group and demanded push ups. The guys in my company flat out refused. The village might have had our families, but if they wanted continued cooperation, they knew how far they could push us. We'd already tested the system once, and they knew a ton of these guys could care less what happened to their families.

My commander sighed again and started on an hour long rant that could have woke the dead. Honestly I was surprised he didn't give our position away as loudly as he spoke. I largely tuned him out as did everyone else. Finally when the commander was out of breathe and red in the face, he stopped talking. I took my eyes off of him for just a minute to focus on the surrounding area until a large paper document was shoved into my face.

"You've been reassigned. Return to the village for further instruction," my second in command barked. I hadn't had anything to do with tying him up, so I wasn't sure what he was so pissed at me about, but I wasn't about to argue, especially not if I was heading home.

"Hold on," my commander shouted, "you've got someone tagging along."

* * *

When Miku and I arrived at the dinner, I instantly felt a bit over dressed. Families filled the room in casual clothing, and here I was in a maternity dress.

"Your not over dressed, your pregnant!" My mother in law gushed, waving me off as we made our way though the building. I had to remind myself why I was here again, to support my husband and not the crooked politics this sham of a dinner represented. We were given some speech about what an honor it was that we had family fighting in the military for our safety and how sorry the village leader was about the few that made the few that made the ultimate sacrifice, and efficiently tuned them out. I wasn't about to let them fill my head with nonsense and I hoped to God my baby couldn't hear them. After that drawn out, nonsensical bullshit we were lead into another room to be seated.

The servicemen had already been seated when we entered the room, and though the other families had no problems finding their loved one, I didn't see Deidara. I stood still, my eyes scanning the crowd. He wasn't here, I didn't see his face or the back of his head with his long, gorgeous hair anywhere.

"May,"

I twisted around the instant I heard his voice, and there he was about fifteen feet behind me. Seated at a table with his hair cut short was my husband.

"Jesus Christ what happened to your hair?" I exclaimed, covering my mouth right after, not meaning to be so loud. I rushed to him and hugged him as tightly as I could.

"They made me cut it, I'm sorry. I hate it too," his voice sounded so much lighter, happier as he pressed my body to his with his now much stronger arms. I'm sure they'd tried to give him a reason to cut his hair and used safety or some such shit, but I knew it boiled down to them exercising their control over him. His blond tresses only extended down to his chin now, but his hair wasn't the end of the example they tried to set. I seated myself next to him, feeling like a kid again around him. He smiled and I smiled, holding his hand in mine. I couldn't believe he was still alive, Jesus Christ, but here he was.

"Your so uh, pregnant," he whispered. I was fairly sure he'd stopped himself from saying fat.

"I'm not that big, I mean, but uh, not compared to how big I'm gonna get," I told him, the last thing I wanted was a bunch of knocks about my stomach and my tone made sure he knew laughed at me, a whole hearted laugh that ended in another hug.

"I missed you so much," he sighed and I returned the sentiment. Seconds later Miku found us, I honestly hadn't realized I'd lost her.

"Oh, well, seems like you've found him! That hair looks good on you Dei, " she laughed, giving her son a hug, though it was a but more awkward than the one we shared, "and who's this?"

Dei and I turned then to see the the only other person at the table, a man I perviously hadn't noticed.

He was a big man that reminded me vaguely of a gorilla. He had huge hulking shoulders with muscles far larger than normal, his entire body seemed to be squared off. His black hair was short, almost cut to his head and spiked upwards. Deidara cleared his throat.

"This is my new special ops partner," Deidara said in a tone so threatening, he might as well as been a rattlesnake.

"Nice 'ta meet ya' ladies," the man extended a hand for me to shake, and upon taking it, he raised my hand to his mouth to kiss, "names Daisuke."

"May, sit down," my husband growled, and Miku didn't dare shake his hand after that. When did he get so possessive? I did as he asked and watched the situation further unfold.

"I ain't gonna hurt 'er," Daisuke grinned, "jus' 'cause I was a crim'nal don't mean I still am. Just like you, eh?"

"Yeah, and you still wouldn't want me touching your wife," my husband smirked. His new partner shrugged.

"What's special ops?" I asked, interrupting.

"Suicide missions without the suicide," my husband stiffened as he spoke, "I was perfectly," he paused for a second to find the right words, " happy where I was at, and then this jerk ass goes and starts complaining. Our officer tells him to shut up and he gets his thugs to tie him to a tree."

"You knew I was behind that?" Daisuke grinned like a Cheshire Cat.

"Of course, and so did the commander," my husband hissed, some sort of sinister smilie crossing his face too.

"What you gon' do about it, little man?" Daisuke grinned.

"I could shut that shit hole you call a mouth permanently." Miku has been watching this all unfold too, and looking at her I thought maybe she was going to scold him, but doing a double take I could see she was very clearly still too afraid of her own son.

"You' gonna die young, af'er you get killed little man, I'll make sure your lil wifey gets da body if I'm still around," Daisuke laughed, I would latter find out, used to be some sort of mob boss. He had no money to his name, it'd all been confiscated, and he was desperate to remake his legacy. He was a nasty piece of work, and in my eyes I didn't see a reason to pardon him.

"You son of a bitch!" My husband was near shouting though his gritted teeth as he lunged at the other man in such a way I was sure the antagonizing had been going on far longer than I'd originally thought. Chain rattled and just as soon as he stood up, he was jerked back down into his seat. Hidden by the deep red table cloth was a large, heavy chain pulled taunt to the floor even at the sitting position. He was quite litterally chained to his spot.

My husband wasn't my husband in that moment. His fingers twitched angrily, the mouth on his palm drooling and bearing its teeth. His eyes were somewhere else, gone, empty and stone cold. he wasn't Deidara my husband, he was Deidara the murder. His face controlled into some sort of snarl that told me this wasn't the first time this has happened.

"Dei, foods here," I muttered, pulling gently on his sleeve. He twisted around and I was afraid he might turn on me, but after blinking once, his eyes returned to normal and his face changed emotion as if he'd was able to see again. His pupils dilated again and he drew in a sharp breathe. Seconds later the waiters set out the food for our table.

He was bat shit crazy without his meds. What Daisuke said wasn't horribly offensive, probably to him it was but he had some sort of twisted symbolism with death I knew.

"I was readin' 'bout you, what's all th's about art eh?" Daisuke was litterally rattling my husbands chain.

"Explosions," my husband explained, "you wouldn't understand."

I was trying to eat, but I found myself unable to pull my eyes away from the men.

"Try me," Daisuke hissed.

"Life, death, fleeting moments of beauty, but I bet a jar head like you wouldn't know anything about that," Deidara seethed, bringing a fork full of food to his lips, "eternalizing art is defeating its purpose. Live in the moment, get it?"

"Deidara, please," my mother in law took up an 'are you kidding me' sort of tone, "not at dinner, in fact, I don't want to hear about it at all."

My husband didn't look at her. I didn't want him to talk about it either, after all, his 'art' is what put him off the deep end in the first place.

"I do get it," Daisuke said, his smilie falling off of his face, "live 'n the moment, worry 'bout tomorrow when it comes. Not my style, but I get it."

He didn't get it. Nobody understood it but Deidara, and I wasn't about to open my mouth and tell him that. I thought I did at one point, but now I knew no one ever would but him.

"May, you like mixed rice don't you?" Dei caught my attention then, pulling me away from my thoughts. The dinner consisted of pork, rice and something I learned was called miso soup.

"That's all she eats is rice!" My mother in law laughed, "she throws up everything else."

"I haven't thrown up in the last week," I noted, sort of meekly. My husband only smiled and handed me his bowl. I traded him my meat, because I knew I still wouldn't be able to keep it down even if I wasn't pregnant. We ate the rest of our meal in silence, and all too soon it was over. He couldn't come home with me, not even for the night, but he promised a letter would be along in the next few days. I didn't cry that night, instead I thanked my lucky stars he was still around for me to see him.

* * *

Daisuke was not only an ignorant asshole, but he was a disgusting pig too. He was unbearable to work with and the way he said my name resembled the way May's mother used to, annoying and purposely in correct.

The fucking gorilla belched constantly without even so much as an excuse me, and didn't seam to care at all as he tracked though easily avoidable mud, refused to wash any part of himself at the military base and before our first mission, and then on said mission proceeded to skin a rabbit rather than eat solder pills.

"The smokes going to give us away," I told him, folding my legs to sit Indian style agenst a tree a ways away from him.

"'T's not gonna give us away no more 'han yo bombs," he returned, spit roasting the poor rabbits guts rather than the actual meat. There was in fact more nutrients in the guts yes, but it only continued to my negative opinions about him.

"Just because I'm flamboyant doesn't mean Im not effective," I spat, causing him to shrug.

"I never said you wasn't," he said seriously, he knew he'd insulted me and wouldn't apologize, but he also hadn't mean to start a fight. I relaxed a little, as much as war would allow. I took our map out of my coat pocket and unfolded it, showing him where the foot solder group we were supposed to take down were allegedly using as a base.

"Tomorrow, we should just ambush them, don't even engage them in a fight just try and annihilate the base and as many shinobi before they even know what's going on," I told him. He seemed to consider it a moment before taking the map and looking at it closer.

"There's a secon' platoon fitty miles the o'her way, we should take 'em both out at da same time," he said handing it back to me, I shook my head.

"That's not our objective, the base needs to be destroyed above all," my voice reflected my flaring temper. He shrugged again.

" 'nd you don't think once da second group f'gures out we killin' 'here friends they gon be okay wit' it? I dunno bout 'ou little man, but I wanna live ta see da end o' dis war," he sneered, leaning in. I didn't care of that was a good point, I only cared about doing the minimum and getting home fast.

"Do what ever you want," I spat, "but don't go calling for me when your ass is dying."

He shrugged one last time and I turned away, leaning my head against the tree to go to sleep. I'd need as much as I could get if I'd be covering both our asses tomorrow.

Daisuke was gone when I woke up the next morning, but the fire was still smoking so he hadn't been gone long. I couldn't Believe that ass just left me alone in enemy territory! I was on my feet in seconds, making myself a clay bird and started on a few thousand tiny clay spiders, I was finished with them when I reached my hiding spot near the rebel base, and after prepping for a few minutes, I buried the spiders like land mines and took off once again on my bird and flew out over the under ground base. I only hand to drop a few other bombs before the rebels came squirting out like ants.

When I had planned this in my head the night before, I never imagined it'd go this smoothly. I hadn't given myself nearly enough credit. I detonated my spiders, the ground below me collapsing like the under ground base as the smoke stack Id grown so fond of seeing billowed up into the air. It was over.

Or so I'd thought.

Through the smoke in front of me came a black bird, made of clay and not unlike my own, shooting out in an areal spin that forced me to jump before the explosion resulting from the collision. I was fast enough to make myself another bird, but my opponent was ahead of me, launching more bombs before I could regroup.

My bird lost a wing and sent me spiraling down until I could repair it, flying myself away from the growing mushroom cloud and efficiently drawing my opponent out into the open. He was someone Id never seen before, clad in an outfit that I recognized as the explosion corps.

"We heard a lot of story's about you in training, but I never thought I'd actually get to fight you," my black haired opponent spoke. How cocky, I thought, setting my jaw.

"Fuck off," I growled, beginning to forum myself some smaller birds to attack with. He rushed me again, and I evaded upwards, scattering my smaller birds in a way that looked like an accident.

Much to my surprise, my opponent abandoned his bird and jumped upwards, aiming a punch for my face. I was able to evade it and grab him, flipping him off of my bird and to the ground, however he was faster, catching himself with his own bird. I prepared to attack him again when I was interrupted by a large bolt of lightning, cast backwards from the ground up.

The bolt moved so quickly the black haired man opposite me had no time to react and it efficiently split him in half, his bird combusting and erasing his dead body before it hit the ground. I looked down, half expecting to see another attack coming my way, but way down on the broken up ground was Daisuke waving up at me.

I landed on the ground, reforming my bird into a lump of clay I tucked into my clay pouch and approached him, just a little confused.

"I took care o' da o'her base, I figured 'ou needed some help," he smirked, I was instantly annoyed.

"I didn't need any help! I was handling it just fine without you!" I shouted, throwing my hands up in the air.

" I know, I jus' was bein' friendly," he returned, frowning now and folding his arms.

"Be friendly with someone else," I seethed, walking off into the woods jumping over large rocks and chunks of broken ground. I stepped over bodies only to noticed they too had met a similar fate as my black headed guest. They smelled like burnt flesh, however the halfs of each body were black and cartelized from the heat of the lightning. It only served to piss me off, these were mine to kill not his.

He was no use fighting or trying to kill him, his lightning attacks were strong against my clay, and it'd probably been planned that way so I couldn't kill him.

"I won't meddle in 'ou fight next time," he called after me, seconds later I heard his foot steps fallowing me.

"I'd appreciate it," I growled back. We needed to move on but I was so seething mad I wasn't sure if I could.


	16. Chapter 16

The remainder of my pregnancy flew by like the months on the calendar, four months became, five, six, seven, and now Id reached eight, I only had a week to go until nine, a eight days until my due date, and I couldn't be happier. I'd gained about thirty eight pounds and I felt a little like a whale. I hadn't seen my feet in forever, I wasn't sure I wanted to because they hurt so badly. None of my cloths fit, and that was more than a little frustrating.  
My husband had continued sending letters, and though he always said in them how much he hated his partner, it seemed like they were always saving each other's asses. I assumed he must be in pretty good health, no missing arms or legs to warrant sending him home.  
Miku had taken to knitting. I guess she felt like she was going to be a grandma, so she'd better act like one. I'd refused to know the gender of my baby, I wanted a surprise, so she'd bought both blue and pink yarn and wove them both together into a chevron pattern. So far she'd only gotten half way though the blanket, and the part she had done was a little uh, screwed up with errors in the pattern, but it was the thought that counted.  
It still amazed me how well pregnancy was accepted here. It was normal to have a child just after you'd married. Where I came from, I'd of been ostracized for my age and financial state while pregnant, but not here. Other women often smiled at me and friendly shop keepers sometimes asked to feel my baby kick.  
After the war was over, my little family would have nothing to worry about. When my husband came home, we'd be safe to live in this world again, and I was happy to continue living here.  
"May," my mother in law's voice snapped me out of my musing and called my attention back to the present.  
"Hm?" I asked, turning to her.  
"Did you hear that?" She asked, putting the blanket down. Before I could ask what, an explosion nearby rocked our house. I could see her eyes go wide, she'd been afraid of this for far longer than she'd let on.

* * *

"You've both been reassigned," my red headed commander droned, heavy bags under his eyes and his fingers on his left hand twisted in an unnatural way, broken for months with no one to fix it. That was how I found out the rebels had attacked the village. Tired, dirty, and feeling very hopeless, my partner and I were reassigned to be the personal body guards of the asshole that'd sent us to war. My commander tried to tell me that it was an honor, that I should be proud my skill level had earned me this position, but all I felt was dread, deep down in the pit of my stomach.  
Daisuke and I left for the village soon after. He nursed a leg we thought to be fractured and some pretty bad burns on his hands, but he was refused a medic. I didn't say, but I didn't think there were any medics left. Our numbers were way down, and no matter how many times they told us we were winning, I knew it to be a lie.  
My hair had grown out again, but the ends were singed and it was almost more annoying to keep it than it was to cut it. I kept my pride, and I'd kept the soot and smoke on my skin from all of the explosions.  
"We goin' home," Daisuke muttered, being a bit more careful of his leg. I took up some clay and made us a bird to fly back on, using up the rest of my clay and flew us back, steering high up into the clouds to prevent us from being spotted. I wasn't sure what it mattered, the entire country was enemy territory now.  
"Yeah, we're going home, but I'm not excited," I signed.  
"It' almost ov'r," he tried to assure, "we doin' a good t'ing, if not fo' an'body else but us. We lived dis long."  
"Yeah," I muttered, "I'm glad they stuck me with you."  
"I 'm too lil man."  
We arrived back home under fire. I maneuvered the bird while my partner counter attacked, finally landing us on the roof of our destination. I felt like a rat as we ran for cover.  
The whole building was under locks, we hardly got in. After they'd checked our stories three or four times over they let us down to the basement of the building where the leader of our village was hidden.  
We were only to address him as leader. Not lord Tsuchikage, not Sir, only as leader. I thought it was some kind of psychology trip, to remind people, to make them feel like he knew what he was doing when in reality he never called a single shot. We were introduced to him, and the first thing he did was insult us.  
"You couldn't find anyone the same size? What! It'll look lopsided with a bigger one and a little one! And son of a bitch, haven't you two ever head of a shower? Or a shave?"  
I felt my fists clench as if I had no control over them. Was he really that vain?  
There was a mother fucking war happening right outside and he wasn't even worried about his people? His home?  
"Of course sir, I'll have them cleaned up," another man came foreword and ushered us out of the room. We were given showers, but no soap, apparently they couldn't spare any for a pair of army boys like us. Daisuke was again refused medical attention, so I did it myself. I broke a chair leg and splintered it into pieces I could make a splint with. We hid it under his boot and pant leg, the injured ones were always targeted first. We took our spots after that, eighteen hours standing still in a room with only one other inhabitant besides ourselves.  
This is what I'd fought seven months for? To be treated like no more than a guard dog? Taking that back, I suspected a dog might have actually been treated better. I wished I knew what Daisuke was thinking, I looked over the throne that the coward that called himself our leader sat on to look at my partner. The darker haired man gave me a helpless smile and mouthed,  
"In due time."

* * *

We picked up broken glass long into the night after we dubbed it safe to return to our house. The initial explosion had us running out of our home for cover, and cover ended up being the basement of a home nearby, people Miku said she vaguely knew. Our village had been attacked by the rebels at nine, and the bombing ended at midnight. After emerging from hiding, we discovered that while our house and a few others were fine, the rest had been completely destroyed, almost leveled straight with the ground. Big pieces of ruble stuck out like white caps in the sea of broken homes and broken lives that lay out before me. It was noon before we actually got home, other people needed help too, but when the hospital was contacted, so few people had been dispatched many people died before they were even on a list to see a doctor.  
My mother in law had seen enough, though she despised blood and as much as it hurt her to look at injuries, she also felt very strongly she should be helping. We eventually took a break and retreated home before her nerves got any worse.  
"I'm glad we live somewhere that people will help other people, aren't you?" Miku asked me from over a bowl of white rice. It was gentle on both our stomachs.  
"Yeah I am. That was pretty bad though, I mean, I'd never seen anything like that," I answered. I was probably still in shock, like the carnage hadn't set in, hadn't had a chance to get to me. I started bawling right away, like the flood gates had finally opened. Our village had barely faught off that attack, but we'd been assured not to worry about another one. I wasn't sure if I believed that.  
Hours later in bed with a heavy feeling in my chest, she'd come to me, kiss my forehead and hug me, after she'd gotten over it herself. I felt a weight then, like it'd fallen from my chest to my hips. A pressure I couldn't place. For months Id had trouble getting up the stairs to our home, sometimes getting around was hard, but now it was like I could breathe again.  
"Are you okay?" My mother in law asked, placing a hand over mine.  
"Fine, just uh, not feeling so good is all," I told her, and passing it off seemed like the best thing to do.  
The next day I got the worst cramps Id ever felt, sending me to see my old friend the bathroom again, throwing up after eating a nice meal I worked hard on. My mother in law was gone, so I was left to sit in silence, alone, to worry about what was happening to my body. My belly sat visibly lower on my hips I noticed, standing up to leave Id caught it in the mirror. Sure I'd browsed the pregnancy information books, but I'd always gave up at this point. My best guess was I was going into labor.  
I figured I'd better not jump the gun, the hospital had its hands full and I knew I'd be waiting a while to actually have the kid, hours, maybe twelve, maybe less. I didn't want to cry because I knew it couldn't help me. Missing my mom, my mother in law, my husband couldn't help me either. If I had to do this myself, and I might have to, I needed to be prepared.  
I sat around on a towel for hours, waiting for my water to break, but it didn't. At dusk I started to get a little concerned and after packing myself a bag, with cloths and baby blankets, went to sit at the window to watch the street as the sun set lower. The power had been out since the first attack, so no street lights came on, but a few bits of debris were proped up and lit on fire to light our streets. These people were determined and resourceful, and I commended them. I watched my mother in law appear down the street and watched her walk up the steps onto our platform our house sat on and stood up to great her at the door.  
"Hey um, I think it's gonna be any time now," I just let the words spill out of my mouth, setting my jaw, folding my arms uncomfortably with tears brimming. I'd put on a brave face for myself, but I couldn't seem to keep it up anymore. She didn't mention my week early labor or my tears and she looked down at herself, biting her lip and then looked up at me.  
"They won't take anyone that's not fighting or dying down at the hospital, I'll have to help you here," I noticed the blood on her clothing then, it was hard to see in the low lighting. This woman, this strong, happy woman was at her limit helping save lives when it wasn't even her job. She heaved a heavy sigh and went to change her cloths. After cleaning up and a pitch black shower in cold water, she brought me the rest of the clean towels and we camped out in out dim lit living room. We sat for hours and my water still hadn't broken. Miku had been passing in and out of sleep, restless and unable to get comfortable. Finally she got up and left, telling me she'd be back at sunrise to check on me.  
I was uncomfortable to say the least. The pressure seemed to be steadily increasing and it was sort of hard for me to try to sleep. I was awake, worrying, into the small hours of the morning until I finally passed out.

* * *

I never knew it possible to sleep standing up until I was awoken by the sound of a bomb exploding above us. I watched the dust fall from a cracking ceiling through groggy eyes and after realizing just what had happened, I found myself reaching for my clay before Id even thought to.  
"That's enough, they can't catch me down here, don't worry," the man I guarded spoke in a bored tone. I narrowed my eyes at this so called 'leader.' I made a quick decision just then, I needed to know if my family was okay.  
"You want me to be ready if they do or you wanna die today? Let me do my job," I spat, pulling out a wad of wet earth, "I'm gonna go clear the hallway, if I'm not back in ten minutes, Daisuke come looking for me."  
I didn't listen to the words of my leader, just left the room and stood outside the door for exactly ten minutes and thirty seconds before my partner joined me. We could both hear the bombs overhead, feel the earth shake, I knew the land scape out side was changing.  
"You gon' go look fo' yo' lil wife, lil man?" Daisuke asked, his tone hushed. In the dimly lit underground I could see the bags under his eyes all too well and I knew he still nursed his leg. I couldn't leave him for long, he'd never last trying to fight off an assassination attempt by himself. I never admitted it, at least not until later, but I sort of felt for him. Sure he pressed all my buttons and annoyed me more often than not, but we were good together, probably the best partner Id ever had.  
"I'm just gonna go make sure May is alright, il be right back."  
"Take yo' time, lil man," Daisuke rumbled, a chuckle coming from deep in his chest, "yo' heard da 'boss,' ain't nob'dy getten' down here."  
I took one more look at him and turned. I dashed down the halls past other guards with my long hair streaming behind me. I vaguely heard the words 'don't you die' before I burst though a door, climbing up a set of stairs. The building was a maze, and I knew every corner of it. I was outside in no time, my hand spitting out a bird as I leapt into the air.

* * *

When I heard the first bomb I thought I was dreaming, but then the second, third, fourth, until finally our house rocked harder than Id ever felt. I sat still another minute, the noise dying off until a blast shattered our windows and nearly blinded me. Our door was off the hinges, and out it I could see the city ablaze. I realized we lived on a raised platform built into a rock, at any moment it could probably fall, and I wasn't going to take any chances. I bolted upright, dashing to my room and ripping weapons and bandages and throwing them into my bag. I needed to get out of here, now, because I was fairly sure if they didn't level the village, they'd sure as hell try.  
I was halfway down our steps when I felt something wet between my legs. I realized several more steps down that my water had just broke.  
"Jesus Christ," I swore, looking left and right, and finally over me to see the sky's filled with clay birds, just like Deidara's. Another cramp hit me and I doubled over in pain, searing, aching, fist clenching, toe curling pain, and found myself leaning on our railing until it'd subsided enough I could move and open my eyes.  
Thre atmosphere was clouded and the air thick with ash. Fires burned, raising the temperature and crippling buildings the longer I stood there. Bombs dropped all around me, I was surprised no more hit my street, but I knew for a fact my neighbors behind me were probably dead.  
I didn't want to run into the city, but it was the only road not blocked completely. My insides churned again, and I realized I hadn't moved from my spot. I had once choice left, I'd never make it on foot.  
I weaved signs quickly and pressed my hand to the ground, hoping to God my blood contract was still good, and prayed. I pressed my eyes shut as another bomb went off somewhere close by, sending a whirlwind of smoke, rubble and soot my way. I held my breathe but eventually ended up choking, but when the cloud cleared and I was silent, another set of lungs still coughed for clean air. My eyes snapped open, and there before me stood the new crowned king.  
"Aki!" I shouted, taking the brute by surprise. My friend hadn't changed at all, save for growning taller, stronger and muscling out more than I would have ever expected. His single antler had grown with him, and I vaguely noticed my name carved into the inside tine before I was brought back to reality. I slung my bag over my shoulder and rushed towards him.  
"What is the meaning of this?" He exclaimed, but I didn't have time to explain. I vaulted onto his back, and wrapped my arms around his neck as another cramp hit me.  
"We need to get out!" I screeched, fisting my fingers into his fur. I didn't have to say anymore. I shut my eyes as my cervine friend carried me over broken ground, leapt over shattered bits of building and across craters, though pillars of smoke and around more explosions than I could count. His gait steadied and he began moving faster. We'd officially left the village when I opened my eyes. Long legs dug cloven hooves into the earth, carrying us a little over a mile in an hour. He would have carried me further in I hadn't insisted on stopping. My cramps, I realized we're contractions, it was official now.  
"What can I do to help you?" He asked. I shook my head.  
"Nothing uh, nothing, just, I need to you um, I can't find my mother in law, you'll never miss her, she looks just like, uh, you remember him right?" I asked, trying to prop myself up and get myself comfortable. It wasn't happening.  
"She looks like Deidara? Sure," he nodded, smirking cockily as he ran off, disappearing from sight long before I couldn't hear the underbrush crashing and crunching as he ran though. Another contraction hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew I had to do this myself, alone for the first time, no matter how much I hated it.

* * *

I didn't have time to look for my wife, I was far too busy fighting to save my own skin.  
I tried to maneuver my bird left, but a blast of scalding water sent me right, clipping the wing off of my bird. It got damaged, so what, I moved on, catching myself on the way down by reforming the wing and taking off faster than I had before. A blast of lightning got my attention, calling me back to what had once been the office. May was resourceful, I reasoned, and my partner was impaired.  
Standing in the place of the building was a tall, pillar like cylinder made of mud, one I was sure Daisuke had created. It crumbled within seconds, but another was erected in its place. Quickly, I dispatched a few of my smaller birds, taking out the attacking shinobi.  
It didn't take long for more people to take their places though, it was as if the entire army was converging on this spot, and as I fell under fire, it seemed like I was fighting this war alone.  
The only thing I could do after being bombarded by attacks was land, the mud spiral had crumbled yet again and I had enough time to access the damage.  
Daisuke nursed a large, heavily bleeding wound on his right side and a chunk of his injured leg was missing too, the village leader, or should I say village idiot, covered in the ground at his feet.  
"These lil ants ar' getten' annoyin'," Daisuke muttered, grunting as another blast destroyed what was left of his defense. Thinking fast, I crashed my bird into oncoming enemy's and detonated it, using the smoke it created as time allow my hand to swallow enough clay to puke back up my c2 dragon.  
By far one of my favorite creations, the dragon was large and strong, and by using parts of itself, make smaller pieces to fight, not to mention fly. I threw the clay behind me and when the dust cleared, I proudly hopped onto the head of my creation.  
"My art will be the death of any of you that choose to proceed," I announced, placing my hand on my hip. The dragon took up a part of its tail and opened its mouth, the smaller projectile ready to fly.  
I pitied the brave soul the came after me first, he fired himself right at me, knife bared and blade thirsting for my blood, the the dragon spat out a miniature of itself. Once one of his comrades realized what was happening, she tried to tackle him out of the way, however the bomb fallowed them. The tiny dragons were heat seeking, the best thing Id added to them yet, and standing proud over the gut pile that used to be two people, I felt my ability was unmatched.  
"Nothin' 's too flamboyant," Daisuke joked, limping over with the leader under his arm. I heard him mumble something else about my beautiful art as I scanned over the crowd of shinobi, waiting for them to move, but they never did. Something was up here.  
Why was no one attacking?  
I watched Daisuke heft the village leader up onto the back of the dragon, and he joined him. If I had to take off, they might be a problem.  
The crowd parted suddenly and a man not much older than myself appeared, he wore a slashed head band like mine, and dressed in a dark grey cloak. Two large katana were strapped to his back and a ton of pouches took up all the space on his tool belt, no doubt holding more weapons than I had energy to deflect. I looked him up and down, I'd seen him before but where? He pulled the cloak's hood away from his head, letting light to his face, but it still didn't help me any.  
"Hey, lil man! It' the ol' co-cap'ain! O' the first assignment squad!" Daisuke shouted behind me, and I narrowed my eyes. It sort of figured. I vaguely wondered if the red headed captain who'd been that platoons superior had been killed too.  
"You little worm," the cloaked figure seethed, "I remembered all the trouble you caused back then and I tried to get you both killed in those special ops missions, damn it all, I should have done it myself then, but I'll do it now!"  
He launched himself at me, and though my clay dragon rushed to my defense, a cloud of smoke came over the battle field, his own explosive colliding with mine seconds before. I was temporarily blinded, but it didn't matter, a fist collided with my face, knocking me from my creation. My opponent rushed me again and again, and I blocked him as best I could with my hands before a knife married my shoulder and sent me reeling back. He left me then, in favor of going head to head with Daisuke, who barely held him off.  
My parter stumbled back, and I was quick to his aid. I pulled a knife from my weapons and slashed, Daisuke launching some sort of spike made of rock between us, stabbing for the other man's heart. He jumped back, and I vaulted back on top of my dragon's head onto to realize he only used the distance to build momentum. This last time he came at me, I swung the dragons tail around, hoping to pin him, but he used the appendage to kick off from, changing his direction at the last moment. Daisuke meet him, but he again deflected, and the leader was wide open.  
His chest was wide open seconds later. Blood splattered onto the bleach white body of my dragon, staining it's perfect body. I could have cared less about my leader.  
The cloaked man spread his arms out to his sides, the spatter covering his cloak and now his shoes as the pervious leader bleed out laying at his feet.  
"Rejoice, my people! We have won the revolution!" He shouted, and a cheer erupted from the crowed. How could they possibly be happy when he'd defaced my creation this way?  
"You think this is over just because you killed some piece of shit?" I growled, "your fight is with me!"  
With the leader dead and my contract with this village void, I was once again a criminal and I was once again on my own agenda, and my agenda included revenge.  
I pulled the knife from my shoulder and threw it at him, and it was quickly deflected.  
"You've lost! Your side has lost, what part of that don't you understand?" The man shouted.  
"You don't understand asshole, this is personal," I muttered. Thinking quickly, I shot chakra though my clay, and the cloaked man's feet sank into the clay like quick sand. Some soldier, hell bent on protecting his leader, acted alone and tried to attack, but Daisuke was faster, he appeared next to me, and litterally knocked his head off, with what I didn't see. My enemy was flinging insults like mud off of his tongue, but I'd moved on from words. He wouldn't get my goat because I wasn't going to fall into that trap, arguing got me no where.  
"You indolent cockroach, I'll kill you! No one understood your shit taste in art in the academy, and no one understands it now! Your insane! Your nothing but a criminal! You have no gift without using what you stole!"  
I jumped off of my creations head and turned around, my partner at my side, and the dragon lifted from the ground with a single flap of its expansive wings. With each cycle of its wings, it lifted higher and higher, and any resistance from the crowd was silenced by lightning.  
"My art," I grinned, "is my own. I don't care if anyone else understands. Art is fleeting, you'll understand soon."  
In a flash, he became my art. The dragon and his body exploding mid air with the light and sound fallowing it. The smoke clouded the sky in a mushroom shape, the boom echoing for miles. When the leaves were still and the bombs in the distance quieted, I realized it was all over.  
Daisuke sighed, and brushed himself off. He examined his foot a little, and then the burns scaring on his hand, but I wasn't watching. My eyes were still upturned to the sky, and they remained there until he cleared his throat.  
"Well uh, if we ain't got no more choices for leader, Im thinkin' you' make a pretty good on' lil man," he muttered, smiling at me sort of goofy.  
"I needa second in command," I smirked, raising my hand to push my hair out of my face. Jesus, my poor, poor hair.  
"The village hidd'n in rock got itself new managemen'," Daisuke declared, taking my wrist to lift my hand up for the army infront of us to see. The crowd didn't seem to care much, like they hadn't accepted it, but this war was over. Neither side wanted to continue.  
"Ima thinkin' another pardonin' is in orda, for war crimes hm?" He asked, laughing whole heartedly, "hey uh, lil man, where's yo lil wife?"  
"Oh shit!"

* * *

He was born five and a half pounds, covered in my blood, and screaming, but he was born. I dried him off myself, using a towel that had somehow remained clean, and held him close to me after. It was like I couldn't see anything else, hear anything else, feel anything else other than this baby boy. My son, my beautiful son. A tiny, thin patch of blond hair covered his head, his eyes, when they were open, shone a light, ice blue with hints of my green blended within. I gave him my finger to hold, his hand instinctively curling around it. My mouth had gone slack a long time ago, my skin had goose bumps, and I was in total awe.  
This was my son.  
My son.  
The pain I'd felt so strongly, so intensely had long been forgotten, in just seconds it was as if it never happened.  
I was holding my son.  
I made him, I carried him, and now here he was, in my arms to hold forever.  
My beautiful son.  
His screams had gone from ear splitting, newborn to quieter, calmer whining before he started screaming again and I realized I needed to quiet him. Quickly I found a dry portion of some towel and tried my best to get any fluid out of his nose and mouth, the next thing I did was twist the umbilical cord to stop the blood from flowing, and then clipped it briskly. I fed him after and held him close to me, he no longer fussed or cried, seemingly satisfied with himself. As he slept I found time to get up and get dressed, trying my best to clean the blood up. Back in my pants and shirt, I felt a lot better, more mobile and prepared. I settled in next to bush under a large tree for cover with my son clutched in my arms and decided to wait it out. Not too far away I heard a tump and the fluttering of wings. I hadn't heard a sound since Id gotten here, besides my own screaming, and with the bombs going off there shouldn't be any birds here.  
I pulled a knife out of my bag and hid my son under the brush cover. If I died here, maybe they'd still find him.  
"May?" I heaved a heavy sigh of relief.  
"I'm here," I answered, putting down the knife in favor of using that hand to grab my son from his hiding spot and then getting up, I wrapped him a little tighter. Deidara was here to get me, but more importantly, he could see his child.  
My husband emerged from the under brush and he looked me over in the afternoon sunlight. I was sure I looked pretty bad covered in sweat, blood, tears and dirt, but then again, he was the same.  
Wordlessly, he made his way across the space between us and hugged me gently, careful of the sleeping baby in my arms. He looked down, then back up at me as he licked his thumb to rub some of the dirt off of my face.  
"It's it a boy or a girl?"  
"A boy," I beamed, my fingers grazing his now clotted shoulder wound. He smiled gently and sighed, and I handed the baby over for him to hold.  
"He's so small," deidara muttered, taking him from me carefully, making sure he supported his head, "why?"  
I could only shrug. My husband looked down at his son, offering him a finger just as I had hours ago. His smilie spread until it was a mile wide, and his eyes conveyed his joy too.  
"What's his name?" My husband asked, looking up at me. He shifted our baby to hold him in the crook of his arm snd wrapped the other around me, pulling me so close, so quickly and with enough force to push the air out of my lungs, but I didn't mind. I was just as excited.  
"He doesn't have one," I returned, smiling too. I'd wanted to wait until his father had seen him before I gave him a name.  
"What should we call him then?" My husband asked. I was still crushed up against him, and very awkwardly he sort of bounced out baby. Our son's tiny eyes opened, and he gazed up at us. For a moment I thought he might cry, but he never did, thankfully.  
"Can we make a name?" I asked, Deidara shrugged.  
"Like what?"  
"Well, I dunno, can't we use a part of your name?" I asked again, trying not to get too excited.  
"May, my name means mud, like, a clay mud, you want to name our son mud?" He answered, a certain humor undertoned in his voice.  
"No, no, uh.. I dunno, can't we use it?" I rolled my eyes, it was the principal of the thing and he knew it.  
"Let's use Dei, we need another piece," he looked at me like I had any idea of what was happening, and sighed with a tired look on his faceon his face."deiichi?"  
"After you and…?" I asked, unsure of the names meaning or implications. He shook his head.  
"It's just a name, it doesn't mean anything,"  
Hooves pounding on the ground caught our attention then, Aki emerged from the forest, slowing down to a stop when he reached us. He inhaled sharply and exhaled though his nose, quickly catching his breathe, I could see his muscles still twitching with adrenaline.  
"Oh no, not another human to yank my chain," he smirked, a half hearted joke, but I rolled my eyes as my mother in law bailed off of his back. She didn't look too banged up, a few bruises and cuts here and there, and her blonde hair was nearly black with dirt, ash and soot, but she was also okay.  
"My turn to hold her!"  
"Him," I corrected, and she muttered something about not caring as long as she got to hold him. Deidara handed our son over to him and repeated our sons name to his grand mother.  
"I'll get started on a blanket as soon as we get home, you liked purple for him, right?" She asked, bouncing him as he started to whine and fuss in her arms. She seemed more excited for him that my husband and I were.  
"So, happy family is back together!" Miku exclaimed, bouncing my son a little harder than I liked, but I knew better than to try and tell her anything, "I think they're gonna give me a job at the hospital, so, we've got something if we don't have a house."  
Deidara got sort of a blank look on his face and laughed nervously.  
"Well uh, mom, we don't really need to worry about a house."

* * *

one more chapter people! its almost over!


	17. Chapter 17

Nine years later

I never thought I'd grow up to live in a house so large, or have a yard so big. After the war and during the rebuild, I placed my home with the other large, expensive houses of other important people to our village. With neighbors on each side, I had to be careful what I did in the front yard, but the back big enough to do whatever I wanted. I could garden, build a stable for my horse, and play with my son and watch him grow up.

I did house wife things most of the day, it was my true calling, I had all the time in the world it seemed. I put a cup into my microwave to heat some water for tea when something caught my eye out the kitchen window. Abandoning the tea, I slipped on my shoes to walk outside, treading grass down as I went. My husband lounged under the oak tree that sat front and center in my yard.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" I asked, standing under the shade with my hands on my hips.

"I should, but that hat messes up my hair," he smirked. His chin length blond locks had remained short since after the war.

"You gonna go with me to the school?" I asked, plopping myself down into the grass between his legs. He put his arms around my middle and leaned me back against his chest as he leaned back into the tree.

"Yeah, he'd love showing me off wouldn't he?" My husband mused. Of course not ever kid had a dad like him. We stayed that way a while longer, enjoying one of the few moments of silence we'd gotten in the past eleven years.

"I never would have imagined we'd be here after all that went down in," I was going to say the other world. A world Id felt so alienated from. He held me a bit tighter and didn't reply.

"Your mom keeps telling me she's gonna kick me out if I burn another meal," I chuckled, I felt my husbands chest vibrate with laughter too. My mother in law had stayed with us, and I didn't suspect she'd be leaving ever again though she always insisted she'd move out of our hair at a later date. At first, she'd offered to care for my son so I could pursue another job, but when I refused, she went back to work at the hospital. She was happy there.

"Time to go," my husband sighed, and I stood up, offering him a hand to help him up. He took it, but never let go as we left home to walk downtown to get our son from school.

Standing in the school yard with the other parents, some waited more patently than others for the final bell to it did, the kids came spilling out the door, all except for my kid. We stood around a few more minutes before we went in after him, still walking hand in hand down the quiet halls, florescent lights buzzing over head. I was a bit nervous, had he done something wrong or had he skipped school?

I knew from parent teacher conferences which class room was his, so I lead the way and pushed open the door.

Sitting on a desk top sat my son, the spitting image of his father. His ice blue eyes reflected his calm nature, which I thanked God he'd gotten from me, and he wore his hair long just like my husband had perviously. He'd gotten his intelligence from both of us, my husband's love of exploding art, and my taste for American styled food. He was both of us and neither of us at the same time. His teacher sat opposite him, at his own desk in front of the chalk board.

"Good afternoon," his teacher greeted. He was someone I knew well, he'd been the first to interrogate me when Id first arrived here, and Deidara's platoon leader. His red hair had dulled in recent years as his glasses got thicker.

"Mm," I returned. My sons fondness of his teacher hadn't carried over to his father and I.

"Deiichi, you haven't done anything I wouldn't, have you?" My husband asked, putting his hands in his pockets with a sly smirk set on his face. My son grinned. He had never done anything to break a rule in his entire life, I couldn't imagine what we were doing here.

"Better," he replied, looking quite fox-like as he put his hair over his shoulders and tied it up.

That worried me even further with my husband's notorious reckless behavior.

"Yes, I'd have to say what he's done is pretty impressive," his teacher spoke after clearing his throat, "I'll cut right to the chase. I decided to write your son a letter of recommendation a few days ago. He's shown a real talent for becoming a ninja, and I think he's ready right this moment to graduate. As of tomorrow your son will be a full fledged shinobi, that is, with your okay."

My eyes widened, I knew my son was talented, but I had no idea he was this talented. The average graduate age was twelve, my son was only ten. Of course he'd be home for a while doing missions inside the village, but I wasn't sure if it was wise to give a ten year old the license to kill.

"I think it's wonderful idea," Deidara laughed a little, " I knew my son was a prodigy, but, I didn't know he was this gifted."

My sons eyes shone with pride, his tiny chest puffed out. My husband looked to me and winked, reminding me that it was him who assigned missions. I felt better then. He wouldn't send our son into anything he couldn't handle.

"Great, this is great," I smiled, first at my husband and then my son. Deiichi grinned from ear to ear and his teacher mumbled something about finishing some paper work. From his desk, instead of pulling papers, he pulled out a shinobi headband on a red sash and gestured for our son to take it. Deiichi nearly jumped out of his skin and burned a hole in the floor he got up so fast to grab it. He tied it quickly around his forehead, ruffling his blonde hair.

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" Deiichi exclaimed, and then turned around to envelop his father and I in a hug, "thank you guys too!"

"We need to celebrate!" My husband grinned, patting my sons head as I returned his hug.

"Really?" Deiichi asked, pulling away from the hug to look up at his father who nodded.

"We'll go get grandma from the hospital and go out to eat," I interjected, and both of them went along with it. We left the class room and the school, my son proudly sporting his new headwear, walking ahead of us down the street as if he was leading. He was a strong boy, with a will as stubborn as both of his parents. He'd make a good shinobi, and a better man someday.

The hospital wasn't far from the school, in fact after the rebuild, all of the important structures were pretty centralized, so when we arrived, we only had to wait a few minutes for Miku to get off work. I thought she might choke him she hugged her grandson so hard, her greying hair flying behind her as she lifted him up for a quick second. Deiichi choose a barbecue place for us to eat and my husbands right hand man, Daisuke, meeting us there to celebrate, which made me think maybe my husband knew this was coming. I didn't doubt it, he processed a lot of paperwork.

Daisuke had been around a long time, and he'd finally gotten what he wanted, his honor restored as a high ranking official. His hair was silver these days, and he still walked with a limp, but he was just as happy as we were. After finishing our meal, and parting ways with our long time friend, we started home.

"Mom, do you think tomorrow you could teach me how to summon deer?" Deiichi buzzed, his full stomach not enough to weigh down his excitement.

"Well, the scroll I used to sign my contract is lost, but I bet we could track another down," I replied, and he seemed to accept that answer, but quickly moved on.

"Dad do you think you could teach me how to make a bird?" He asked, turning to his father, "when am I gonna get a mouth on my palm?"

Deidara laughed nervous, "probably won't kiddo. I'm not supposed to have it either."

"It's because he stole the thing that made them," Miku scoffed, rolling her eyes.

I could see the questions budding in my sons head, and I felt the same way. My husband had originally told me he'd been born with them, but I suppose this just served as another reminder there were things I didn't want to know about the past, and that was okay.

"When dad wants to share he will, don't pester him," I scolded, and my son again quickly moved on. We arrived home at dark on this lovely June night, and I sat down at our kitchen table with a cold cup of tea. My husbands art littered every flat surface and my art covered our walls. I tried to keep it tasteful, but traditional Japanese houses like this one weren't really our style.

My family dispersed though the large house and left me with a minute alone. I'd come so far in such a short time it seemed, and my son had gone even further. He was so smart and talented, responsible and kind. My god, it seemed like yesterday Id given him life in the middle of a war, but today he'd graduated.

"May," my husbands voice brought me out of my thoughts. He stood in the door way dressed in a T-shirt and some jeans, "you okay?"

"Fine," I responded, nodding.

"I can't decide if your drinking iced tea out of a mug or cold hot tea, but you don't seem fine," he replied, coming across the room to sit next to me. I sighed and wrapped him in a hug, feeling sort of overwhelmed. We sat like that a while, before he pushed something cold Into the palm of my hand. I pulled away slightly and looked at what he'd given me, a smokey white crystal that transitioned to a bright purple. I'd know it anywhere.

"Where'd you find this?" I exclaimed, "I thought it was lost when the house fell down!"

"I searched the rubble. I've been keeping it for a special occasion," he smiled, "did you wanna take your son to meet his grand parents?"

I thought for a second about my parents, I hadn't thought about them or even looked back on them for years. They had to be missing me. I wondered if they thought I'd been abducted or taken into witness protection or something. I'd been glad I moved to vegas that first time, to distance myself from them. It'd prepared me for now.

"Yeah, yeah I do. Do you think we can get back though?" I asked, hesitant.

"I don't see why not. This is home," he responded. I took a few more seconds to think before I nodded.

"Daiichi! Come here for a second!"

The End


End file.
